Page 104 of Atone

“The first time?”

“Alex has always had a temper.” Her expression darkens. “Especially when it came to protecting the people he cares about. If someone crosses a line, he has a hard time holding himself back. And my father used that to hisadvantage. But trust me, nothing good comes from feeding reactions like that.”

She shakes her head, and even if she’s watching the road, her gaze is in her memories.

“That first time he killed someone was an accident, or so he said. He got in a fight at school, and the kid fell and cracked his head. People believed it, but I know my brother. And over time, he became less predictable.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “Alex being friends with Declan, Kole, and Liam didn’t help. Sons of Sigma Sin don’t stand a chance. The more sadistic their actions, the more they’re praised for them. So even as he started to escalate, it wasn’t held against him so long as he held my father’s line and proved himself useful to the House.”

“That’s fucked-up.”

“Tell me about it.” Her teeth grit. “But that’s my brother. He cares to a fault, and it makes him extremely dangerous.”

“You say that like you know from personal experience.”

“I do.” Her throat works with a hard swallow. “He protected me once.”

“From what?”

“Someone who didn’t like being told no.” Her hands twist on the steering wheel, and I see that darkness people so often miss because Patience hides it well.

“Alex killed someone for you?”

Patience nods. “I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t even want him to because I knew it would cause more problems than either of us could handle. But he didn’t listen, and my dad used that mistake to chain Alex to whatever deal they made.”

“When was this?”

“When I was sixteen.”

Which means it was when I was sixteen too. Right around the time Remi died. A chill runs down my spine.

“I told myself it was okay because Alex was just keeping me safe, and even with all his flaws, he cares. But the truth is, it doesn’t excuse his actions, and it doesn’t make them right. As much as I hate Sigma House, I know that he’s no better than them. The only difference is that I love him, so I’d rather lie to myself about it.” A tear slips down her cheek. “As mad as I was for what happened to Alex at the trial, I thought it would make him change. I thought the doctors would cure him of whatever sickness he’s carried around since we were kids. Alex should have been in a psychiatric ward long before the trial sent him there, not that it did him any good.”

At least we’re in agreement on that.

“But then he got out, and now we’re right back where we started. He’s making deals with my father, and the two of them are hurting everyone around him.” She glances at me.

“If this is the warning to stay away from your brother unless I want to end up hurt, I got the message loud and clear tonight.”

“I assumed, given how you left.” Patience offers a sad smile. “But I also know my brother, and I can tell he cares about you, so it’s not going to be that simple. He won’t just give up.”

“I’m not a doormat who will let him walk all over me.”

“I’m not saying you are. But I’ve never seen you like this with anyone. Not your friends. Not Marco. I’ve never seen you actually hurt over anyone, Mila. Alex means something to you.”

I drop my gaze to my hands in my lap because she’s right. After Marco cheated, I was hurt and embarrassed,but I didn’t cry. There wasn’t a knot in my stomach like there is now.

“I don’t know if I can forgive Alex for what he did.”

And not because of the blood on his hands. But because I don’t know if I’ll ever really get the complete truth from him.

“You don’t have to forgive him. You don’t even have to talk to him. I’d understand if you didn’t.”

“Then why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I get it, and you need to know you’re not alone. I know how much it hurts loving him.”

Patience pulls the car to a stop. I’ve been so lost in conversation that I didn’t realize we’d made it all the way back to the dorm.

“I don’t love him.”