Page 55 of All I Have Left

“Don’t touch her!” Grayson screams. I’d never seen him so angry, so violent. His entire body convulses as rage fills him. He gets one of the guys off him, struggling, fighting for all he’s worth to get away from them to save me. “Don’t you fucking touch her! ”

He’s pinned down by two more, unable to move.

My dress is ripped away, my panties next with the knife in Lance’s hand. My head slams against the bed. I blink, dizzy, my heartbeat pulsing in every part of my body. Disoriented, blackness lurks behind every blink.

I fight against them, but one of them punches my stomach and it takes all my control with it.

Grayson screams, the roar of his agonizing threats keeping me in the moment.

Before I can recover from the blow to my stomach, there is another, this time with an object I can’t make out. I gasp, a sudden sharp intake of breath seized by another blow. I blink furiously until my vision comes back.

“Don’t…,” I beg, drops of water hitting my cheeks.

Shane stands above me, smiling. “I should fuck you with this knife so he can never enjoy your pussy again, shouldn’t I?”

“You fucking touch her and I will kill you!” Grayson coughs up blood, tears and blood streaming down his face as he shakes from his sobs. “LET HER GO!”

So much is behind Grayson’s screams. Years of pain, regret, anger, it’s all there and so raw.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to see, keeping my heart cold and still.

I wait for the next blow and once it comes, everything is blurry.

“Watch, Grayson,” Shane warns, growling in frustration. “Fucking watch or I’ll kill her right now in front of you!”

Grayson won’t look, despite the threat. He tries to shake his head but can’t when the guy holding his head makes him look.

“I’m going to kill you!” Grayson cries, letting out the most gut-wrenching cry I’ve ever heard, his body convulsing into wrenched sobs. “I’m going kill you…. I’m fucking —” He can’t finish. He can’t even catch his breath. His face is the picture of terror.

I’m not sure how much he can see from his place on the ground. Suddenly, my view is of only Shane. My hands are pinned down by Lance and another guy, their knees crushing them against the metal.

“Watch me fuck her in your truck.” Shane smiles, glancing over his shoulder after he unzips his pants, his eyes on Grayson again.

“I fucked her, over and over again that night you sang to her. I fucked her while she screamed for you.” He laughs, so manic, so possessed I don’t even recognize him, his hands on my thighs spreading my legs apart.

“You couldn’t stop me then and you can’t now. You can’t save her.”

“The only reason you’re still alive right now is because they’re holding me!

” Grayson yells, trying to break free. “You know goddamn well if it was just me against you, you’d be dead .

Come over here and fight me like a man! Do it!

” he shouts, trying to shake his arms loose.

“Come hit me! I fucking dare you to, you piece of shit!”

Shane snorts, sinking to his knees between my legs. “Nah, I think I’ll fuck her instead and make you watch.”

“You son of a bitch!” Grayson roars through his sobs, “You fucking son of a bitch !”

Licking his lips, Shane’s eyes fall to me. “It’ll be worth it.”

“Shane, please,” I beg, trying a different approach. “I’ll go back to you. I’ll leave him. Just please let him go. Please!”

His eyes flicker with emotion, as if he wants to believe me, and if he had, he might have let us go, but I’m not convincing. “You’re a fucking liar. What would make you think I’d believe you?” He rips my legs apart further, grunting as he positions himself at my entrance.

“I fucking hate you!” I scream, spitting in his face.

Shane closes his eyes, and then smiles, grabbing me by the chin, drops of water dripping from his hair and onto my face. “Hate me all you want, sweetheart, but I’m still going to fuck you, and kill him. I’m gonna make you watch too.”

I’m numb to everything around me when he forces himself inside me, his breath on mine. “Ah,” he growls, his face in my neck. “Looks like someone was wet and ready.”

I stare up at the dark sky, blinking slowly, the truck rocking with Shane’s movements.

“Goddamn, I missed this sweet, tight pussy,” he says against my neck, his breath hot and sticky, a stream of water running from my temples to my ears.

In the distance, thunder rumbles through the sky, the wind carrying the sounds of the guys holding Grayson back, shouting at him as he fights against them, provoking him further, knowing damn well he has to take it. He can’t get away from them.

“He’s fucking your girl, man.”

“She’s never gonna have that tight pussy you want!”

“You’re never gonna fuck her again!”

My mind is blank, my eyes on the chalky black clouds above me, wishing they’d open up and take me with them. I try to focus on something else. I paint their faces in my memory. All of them. Because if I make it through this, they’re going to pay.

The clouds above me become restless, rain hammering against the metal of the bed.

I make eye contact with Lance, his knee on my hand.

He’s watching Shane rape me, and sadly, I can tell he’s hard.

Lance, I held your hand in kindergarten because you didn’t have a partner for our Christmas special. And now here you are, holding me down.

The ones holding Grayson? Baron Culter. Baron, I had calculus with your younger sister. She was raped senior year by a football player from Montgomery. And here you are, allowing this to happen.

Travis Miles. Travis, you used to be friends with Grayson. Now you’re holding his head up and forcing him to watch Shane rape me.

Colt Adams. Colt, while you’re straining to hold Grayson still, your mom and mine have lunch once a month. They’re friends. What would she do if she knew you were doing this?

And Kaiden Krammer. The one holding my other hand down. Kaiden, you’re seventeen. I babysat your little brother for three years. I know your entire family. Your life will be over before it begins .

My mind drifts back to Grayson and me on this very truck bed in high school and the memories we shared. I think of Friday night baseball games and sticky nights, cicadas and the sounds of summer sweet love.

Pain radiates between my legs again. I’m dragged down further to the edge of the tailgate, my vision of Grayson restored. I gaze at him, the pain spreading into a fiery gnawing grief.

Grayson’s shoulders are hunched forward, shaking, unable to watch anymore.

Soaked in blood and water running freely down his face, he looks like he’s either going to pass out or vomit.

But then he looks up, his brows drawn together, agonized guilt rimmed with tears.

His view is of me, my legs spread, another man between them. He snaps his eyes away, to the ground.

Swallowing, I try to control my tears but I can’t. There is no use. No fight left.

My eyelids are heavy, like iron gates trying to close, to hide, to retreat. A tremble works through me, not from cold, from shock, a sweat breaking out over my skin. Blood floods to my temples, pounding away. I’m physically and emotionally shutting down. My body’s way of protecting my psyche.

I turn my head, my eyes on Grayson. He cries silently. His screams I can no longer hear. The violent shaking and struggling, it’s in slow motion now.

“I love you more than anything else in the entire fucking world. Nothing will ever change that.”

But this might.

When Shane is done, the pain doesn’t stop. It lasts for what seems like hours, but maybe only minutes.

His last words to me?

“I should have come on your face, ya fuckin bitch.”

As Shane moves away from me, Lance lets go of my hand and tries to move between my legs. “I’ve waited a long time for this,” Lance whispers, his whiskey lit breath stinging my face.

“Please don’t do this,” I cry, but no one hears me .

“Leave her alone!” Grayson yells, a howling thunder vibrating through me as he swears to kill every last one of them. “Jesus, stop! FUCK!” he screams, much like he did into the pillow last night, only now, it’s unrestricted, unconcealed with its force.

The truck shakes as Shane moves around, his feet near my head.

“This is because of you, Grayson!” Shane yells, standing on the truck bed and swings the bat shattering the back window in his truck.

Glass sprays over me, in my eyes, over my body, grating against my raw skin.

A sob wrenches through me, uncontrollably.

“Don’t. Get off her.” Shane shoves Lance on the shoulder. “I’m the only one who gets to fuck her. That’s going to be his last image.”

His last image? I lift my head, trying to see what they’re doing.

Lance moves away from me as Shane jumps down from the bed of the truck and over to Grayson, the bat in his hand.

“No!” I scream, water dripping from my chin and onto my bare chest. I taste the bitterness of blood on my lips as I beg again. “Don’t hurt him!”

“Is he really going to kill him?” Kaiden asks, holding me still with one hand and wiping his other across his face to clear the wall of water assaulting us.

Lance snorts, leaning against the tailgate. “What do you think?”

Please, God, if you’re real, don’t let this happen. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t take him from me.

Kaiden makes eye contact with me for the first time. I say his name. Once. He darts his eyes away.

Trying to clear the rain from my face, I shake my head to see Shane next to Grayson, the barrel of the bat in the palm of his hand. “Please don’t hurt him!” I beg.

My pleas go unheard.

He looks at me then. “You’re gonna wanna watch this next part, honey. ”

Nausea rolls through me as the barrel of the bat slides slowly out of his palm and he grips the handle with both hands, everything around him glossy and wet. The air is heavy, the humidity suffocating. A stillness falls over me, the crackle of thunder rolling.

Shane drifts his eyes back to Grayson, and he stares at him for a long time, longer than I would have expected him to before he shakes his head, grabbing him by the hair. “What’s the matter, Grayson? No fight left?”

Everything stops around me, and I think even the wind holds its breath.

Grayson looks up, his eyes on mine, swollen, he’s fighting consciousness. “Just… get it over with,” he mumbles, blood pouring from his mouth as he coughs.

“Fuck you, soldier boy. You couldn’t fucking save her or yourself!” Shane spits, letting go of his hair. He steps back and swings the bat at Grayson’s head.

The sound it makes when it connects with Grayson’s temple is one I will never forget. It rolls through the field, louder than the thunder above. It’s a bone-chilling sound, heart stopping, and life ending.

The stillness that follows is gruesome.

A bitter cold, lifeless future played out without him.