Page 36 of All I Have Left

EVIE

W hen we arrive at the baseball fields a short ten minutes later, I’m still confused about the process just to file a restraining order.

I can’t believe you have to get an attorney, but then again, it makes sense because it has to be legally filed, right?

I’m going to need to call one to sort this out.

In the parking lot, I glance down the hill toward the fields. I spot Grayson on the field warming up with Josh and Ethan. Grayson wasn’t pleased when Frankie told him I was coming. I think he thought he’d bail on Frankie and use me as an excuse as to why he couldn’t come.

“Think he’s going to talk to you again?” I ask Frankie, smiling toward Grayson. For a moment, I stare at him, memories of our childhood flashing in my head. I haven’t seen him with a glove since high school.

“Probably not. He called me a selfish bitch.”

I laugh. “Well….”

She glares at me and stuffs a blanket under her arm. “I told you that I’d find someone else.”

“I’m just messing with you.”

My eyes drift to Grayson again. He’s dressed in black baseball pants and the gray and lime green T-shirt with the number eleven on the back and looks fucking amazing. My smile comes effortlessly. It’s the same number he had through his entire baseball career. Even during T-Ball.

Then I spot the bat. His bat. Lou. He’s had that thing since he was five. His granddad made it for him and I’d thought he’d long since lost it. “Where did he find it?” I ask Frankie, nodding to Grayson on the field.

“Find what?”

“Lou.”

“Oh, it was in the garage. Dad couldn’t get rid of it so he kept it for him.”

With my eyes still on him, Frankie is talking about something, the drinks that spilled I think, but all I can do is watch Grayson holding his bat.

He has both hands wrapped around the barrel, examining the handle with Josh beside him.

I notice, even from the parking lot, his demeanor seems to be a little nervous.

I only realize this when he lets the bat down, leaning to one side. His hands are visibly shaking.

Frankie smiles, her chin on my shoulder. “The uniforms turned out nice, didn’t they?”

“How’d you get them that fast?”

“I’m good at negotiations.”

Kelly meets us at the car to help carry everything, but it still isn’t enough hands. After tripping a few times while carrying an armful of chairs, Grayson comes running over to help. Frankie walks ahead of us with Kelly.

“No one this beautiful should have to carry anything.” He grins, winking at me.

“That was a cheesy line.”

“It was meant to be.” He shrugs, laughter on his lips.

Taking the folding chairs from my arms, his eyes linger on my chest. He walks backward, his brow pulled together.

I stare at his forearms and the tattoos on them.

“Aren’t you a little warm in that sweatshirt?

” he asks, a smirk surfacing. Judging by what Frankie and Kelly are wearing, he knows exactly what’s under this hoodie .

“Nope.”

He smiles again, shaking his head. “Yeah, right.” Grayson shifts the chairs on his shoulder to keep one hand free. “You know, I thought I misplaced that sweatshirt a while ago.” He rubs his hand against his jaw. “Guess it was in good hands after all.”

I bite back a smile. If only he knew how many of his hoodies I have stolen over the years. “I guess so.”

Nervously, I scan the field and parking lot looking for any sight of Shane. Lance is here so I’m assuming Shane will either be here, or on his way. Even if he does show up, there’s no way he’d come up to me with all these people. At least I don’t think he would be that stupid.

“Fuck,” Grayson curses, letting out a deep sigh, his steps halting.

My heart jumps into my throat. “What?”

I peek over at him. His jaw is clenched, his eyes narrowed. “I can’t believe he had the fucking nerve to show up here.”

And then I spot him. He’s standing in the dugout on the opposing team, his white jersey making his thick black hair stand out.

He doesn’t look my way, but his eyes are on Grayson for sure as he moves to set the chairs down on the other side of the dugout near third base.

Bile rises in my throat at the way he’s watching Grayson.

I don’t like it. It’s as if he’s trying to find a weakness, any angle he can use to gain some sort of advantage over him.

The thought gives me chills. I want to throw myself in front of Grayson.

Shield him from any danger that might come because of me.

Grayson bumps my shoulder with his, a water in his hand drifting my way. I take it. “You okay?” he finally asks after I’ve taken a drink and turned around the other way. “We can leave.”

“I’m fine,” I lie, not wanting him to know how much I’m freaking out. “I don’t want to leave.”

“You sure?” Grayson cocks an eyebrow at me, his face rugged and somber. I know deep down the moment I say I’m not, Grayson would blow off this game and get me out of here. But I’m not going to let Shane dictate my life anymore.

I nod, glancing at Shane again, noticing there’s a darkness under his eyes. It’s nice to see he finally has a reminder of our time together.

Try covering that up with makeup or explaining that one, dipshit.

To my surprise, Shane gives a nod in my direction. I don’t do anything.

Grayson leans into me, his arm wrapping around my shoulders.

It’s a tender touch. A gentle reminder I’m safe with him, the boy who stole my heart, but really, I gave it to him like a gift.

I can tell by the look on his face he wants nothing more than to kick the shit out of Shane, and I’m impressed with his self-control right now.

“He’ll never hurt you again,” he assures me, his lips meeting my temple.

We stand against the fence along right field, the slap of the tightly wound cotton and leather hitting baseball gloves flowing through the air.

My eyes find Grayson’s, the brown in them honey colored, his hair lighter than I remember it being. Or maybe it’s the tears in my eyes constricting my vision.

Staring at him now, I see that he has so much agony etched in his face. It makes me think of his scars, and mine, and how together, we’re a fucking mess for sure. I’d never thought about how Grayson felt after we slept together. I never asked. And I kinda feel like a jerk for not asking.

It’s no surprise that the night we slept together, we acted on impulse. I wanted him to take my virginity because I was so damn in love with him. It didn’t matter what happened when we left that room. But it did.

“I’m serious,” Grayson says, pulling me from my thoughts. “If it’s too much, I’ll take you back. You say the word. You don’t have to be here unless you’re comfortable.”

At first, I don’t say anything because the idea of running away to Grayson’s room and being alone with him is appealing.

But then I remember that I don’t want to hide away forever.

Not anymore. I did enough of that with Shane trying to deflect what was happening to me.

“No. I don’t want him taking this from me too.

And it’s not me I’m worried about.” I touch my hand to his stomach and motion between us.

“I’m worried about what he’ll do to you. He thinks we’re together.”

“I don’t give a shit.” He snorts, the teenage Grayson I remember emerging.

He was so feisty around fifteen and sixteen and rebelled against everyone.

You told him he couldn’t do something and he did it to prove he could.

I see it now, that same mentality trying to come out.

I bet he’s thinking about kissing me in front of Shane to get under his skin.

“I’m not worried one bit at him confronting me.

” Grayson dips his head slightly to catch my stare, his hands on my hips.

“Let him think we’re together. I don’t think it would be that much of a lie, would it? ”

He has me there. “No, it wouldn’t be.”

It’s clear how effortlessly comfortable I am around Grayson. It’s no wonder I never moved on from him.

My mom once told me you can’t make yourself love someone. But you also can’t make yourself not love someone.

She’s right. Grayson and I are proof of that. He hurt me bad by leaving, but here I am, still in love.

Grayson bumps my shoulder again. “I’ll fuckin’ kill him if he touches you again.”

“Don’t kill him. I don’t want you going to jail for me.”

He chuckles and gives me the look. The one that screams I’ve lost my mind. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I still maintain my innocence that I closed that damn gate behind me.”

“Tell that to the Petersons’ cows.”

I smile at our banter, my eyes drifting to the field where Josh is warming up.

Josh and Grayson played baseball all through high school.

While Josh gravitated more toward football, Grayson had a passion for baseball and never played any other sport.

He was so good he received a scholarship to Alabama State but ultimately chose the military.

He could have made a career out of baseball easily, but for Grayson, it had always just been for fun.

“Do you remember how to play?” I ask, wondering what he’s thinking

Grayson’s hand moves from the fence post he’s leaning against and twirls a piece of my hair between his fingers. “There are some things you never forget.”

I breathe in, closing my eyes. I want so badly to lean into him, let him hold me in front of everyone, but I know that’s only going to make things worse.