Page 45 of All I Have Left

EVIE

I spend the day with Kelly. We get our hair done, have manicures and pedicures, and then she takes me to lunch.

That’s when she hits me with “What’s with you and Grayson?”

Biting into my salad, I attempt to act casual. “What do you mean?”

“He’s got issues, Evie. Some bad shit happened in Iraq.”

Issues? No, I would have never guessed. “I gathered that much judging by his lack of sleep and nightmares.”

She stirs the straw around in her sweet tea. “Has he opened up about it?”

I stare out the window at the kids running past, their parents chasing after them. “No, not yet. Do you know what happened?”

“I don’t know everything, but Dad said he went missing back in March, and then they found him not long after that. Grayson hasn’t said anything to anyone about it. Dad has tried to bring it up a few times, but he won’t talk about it.”

“That’s probably where all those scars came from then,” I deduce, remembering what his back looks like.

“I think so, but again, nobody talks about it. It’s like we’re all walking on eggshells, careful not to bring it up around him.

The only reason I knew any of this is because I’d tried to get hold of Grayson and couldn’t.

So I called Dad and he told me. They didn’t say anything to Frankie because she can’t keep a secret to save her ass. ”

I smile through the uneasiness. “You’re right, she can’t.”

“And I guess it’s not even a secret, but he’s not talking about it. Just be careful.”

Kelly and I have never been very close. Not that I didn’t try. I chased her around growing up wanting to be like her, but being four years older, we were kids to her. I think about her words. “Are you worried I’m going to hurt him? Because I won’t. I love him, Kel.”

She nods. “I know you do. I’m worried you guys are using each other as a crutch to avoid the real issues at hand. You with Shane and the emotional damage he did, and him with whatever happened over there.”

In part, she’s right. We are using each other as a crutch. But I don’t think it’s all that bad. What’s the harm in getting through this together?

After lunch, she takes me back to the house so I can pack.

Our plan is to head to the lake house tonight.

It’s Josh and Kelly’s last weekend before they go back to Arizona.

And given that the Fourth of July is next week, I can understand them wanting to have a party.

Josh’s parents used to throw huge parties on the lake for that weekend every year.

Ethan and Grayson get home around five. Just as we’re getting ready to leave, Grayson reaches for my wrist to pull me back down with him on the couch.

He’s yet to shower, still dressed in his dirty jeans from the day and has a beer in hand. I glance back at him with surprise. He winks. He looks so incredibly hot all rugged, sweaty, lounged back and ready that I have a hard time not straddling him.

“You guys coming?” Ethan asks, noticing we haven’t moved. “We’re going to pick up some food before going to the lake. ”

“We will, but we’ll be there later,” Grayson replies. “I’m gonna take a shower first.”

Ethan shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

I turn my head to look at him. “Do you want me to wait down here while you shower?”

He shakes his head and moves me from beside him to on his lap.

Without much coaxing, I straddle him, wondering if he’d changed his mind about sex.

But sadly, by his face, I don’t think that’s where this is going.

“I know we talked the other night, but there’s some things we didn’t say.

” He pauses, and then levels me a more serious look.

“I know you want to know why I left, especially after we had sex and then I disappeared. I was an asshole. I won’t lie to you.

I enlisted in the Army well before our night together.

I knew when we had sex I was leaving after graduation,” he says, staring at me.

“But I know you, and you think that night with you didn’t mean anything to me.

You’re wrong. It meant everything to me.

I just, I wasn’t planning on us doing that, or you having feelings for me.

If I had known before, I wouldn’t have enlisted. ”

I certainly wasn’t expecting him to admit that. I mean, I knew that night meant something to him, but I figured it didn’t mean enough, if that makes sense. “I get why you did.”

His eyes hold mine when he whispers, “I love you. I have for as long as I can remember.”

Warmth fans my cheeks and I smile at him, relief flooding through me. “I love you, too.” I press my lips to his.

“And I fucking missed you today.” His lips sync with mine perfectly and it isn’t long before his tongue rakes across my bottom lip.

“I missed you too,” I tell him in between kisses.

It doesn’t take long before I’m basically dry-humping him on the couch and our kisses are desperate, filled with desire as they always do.

With his arms tight around my waist, he holds me close, dragging me over his erection almost frantically, but then he stops all together and flops himself back against the cushions.

He lets go of me, both his hands in his hair, pulling tightly. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?”

He blows out a breath as if he’s trying to calm himself down. “I keep attacking you.”

“Stop kissing me then,” I tease. “You started it.”

“No, you kissed me.”

“Because you said I love you. That warrants a kiss.”

He laughs, but then his eyes snap to mine, curiosity in them.

“Have you….” His voice trails off. I know exactly what he’s asking. “Was there anyone besides Shane?”

Shit . “I, uh, slept with Chris four months after you left. And then Shane.”

He nods, but says nothing else.

I start to panic. What would he think of me now? That I’m a slut?

“Have you?”

He shakes his head, his eyes focused over my shoulder. “Being where I was, there’s no time for that. I’ve only ever been with you.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Even before me?”

“Only you.”

And now I really do feel like a complete slut.

My cell phone rings next to me and I fear who it is. Luckily I’ve blocked Shane’s number. After my little temper tantrum the other day, the screen is so cracked I can’t see who’s calling.

“At least yours still works. Mine broke into a hundred pieces,” Grayson says, watching me trying to answer it without cutting my finger on the glass screen.

“What do you want?” I ask when I realize it’s Frankie calling already.

“Where in the world are you guys?”

“We’re leaving now. Be there in thirty minutes.” I hang up before she can ask what we’re doing.

“We’re late apparently. ”

“I’ll go shower and then we can head out.”

“Want me to shower with you?” I tease, knowing his answer.

“No way. We’d never make it there if that’s the case.”

I knew it. But I do follow him to his room and wait on the bed. His orders. He even showers with the damn door open so he can hear me if there’s a problem. As steam rolls through the room, I stare at his nightstand. The pill bottle he had is gone. I check the nightstand, they’re not there either.

Where would he have put them?

I don’t have time to inspect his room because he takes the fastest shower imaginable.

He’s in front of me now, dressed, hair wet, smelling soapy and fresh, which it causes me to stop breathing all together.

He takes a step forward. A playful smile breaks out on his face and I can’t help but grin.

That is, until he notices how low-cut my dress is.

His eyes scroll down my body and he groans.

“How am I going to survive this weekend?”

“By being a gentleman,” I say with a good amount of sarcasm in my voice. I hate that he’s being the good one. It makes me feel like the villain.

He leans forward, his lips coming close to my ear. “I promise to be a gentleman for as long as you need.”

His words send a pulse of electricity through me. I pull back. “What if I don’t want you to? What if I want you to take me right here and now? Fuck everything else.”

For a moment, no words are said. I only know it bothers him by the way his eyes narrow and his jaw tightens. He then brushes past me and starts to walk away. “I’m not Shane. I won’t treat you like a possession for the taking. You mean more than that to me.”

I blow out a breath and nod. Well shit, when he puts it like that. I cover my smile with my hand and follow him out of the room.