Page 44 of All I Have Left

GRAYSON

I t’s around six in the morning when I feel Evie running her hands over my bare chest. I keep my eyes closed, not knowing if this is a dream or not. Her fingertips make circles around my bare stomach, slowly going lower until her fingers are at the waistband of my shorts.

I open my eyes to confirm my theory to find her gazing at me.

She grins, wide. “I thought that would wake you.”

“I’m up. Clearly,” I tease, hinting that it’s not just me awake here. I roll so she’s on top of me. I move my hand up her body, tangling it in her hair to pull her closer to me. She freezes before my lips met hers.

Evie places her fingers against my lips. “I actually wanted to talk with you.” Shifting off me, she sits up against my headboard.

“Yeah?” For some reason, her calves catch my attention. She still has scrapes down her legs and the thought makes me instantly angry.

“I think it’s about time we talked about everything.” Nervously, she bites down on her swollen bottom lip. Her face is looking better now but her eye, it still looks puffy and discolored .

“Okay.” And then I wait to see what she’s going to say.

“I’m sorry for leaving with Shane that first night,” she begins. Ashamed, she sighs dejectedly. “That’s when I should have said something. And I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t know how to handle you being back and seeing me in this kind of situation.”

I cut her off before she can continue blaming herself for this, shaking my head. “Evie.” I reach for her hand in mine. She traces her fingertips over my busted knuckles. “I don’t want you to be sorry for something you had no control over,” I demand point-blank.

“I know. I just… I feel like I’m putting everyone in danger for my stupid mistakes,” she whispers, looking down at our intertwined hands. “I’m scared he’s going to come after you after he gets that protection order served to him. He’s vicious like that. Vindictive.”

I look up at her, wondering what the fuck she saw in him. “Why were you with him?”

Evie sighs, her shoulders slumping forward. She pauses as if she’s trying to figure out how to word her response. “Honestly, he was sweet at first, kind of reminded me of you.” She meets my anxious eyes, then glances back at our hands.

Did she say that? Reminds her of me? What the fuck?

“That’s an insult,” I snap, my eyes squinting at her. She can’t possibly be serious. “I’m nothing like that guy.”

“Let me finish.” She chews on the corner of her lip as if trying to work up the courage for this next part.

I know this because she does that when she doesn’t want to say something.

Like the time we were in the third grade and she stole my Twinkie from my lunch and wouldn’t admit to it.

I knew she did because she had the frosting on her lips.

This expression, though more intense, is the same.

“Then he changed, rather quickly, and became possessive and abusive. From that first time, I swore I wouldn’t stay.

I didn’t know how to get away from him, so I gave him another chance.

Second time it happened, I left. And then he got me pregnant, around Christmas, and swore he’d never touch me again.

In February, I was ten weeks pregnant and he hit me so hard I passed out.

The next thing I remember I was hemorrhaging and in the ER. I had miscarried.”

My anger is immobilizing. I don’t even think I blink.

“We haven’t been officially together since the miscarriage. The only reason I was still hanging around with him was in fear of him hurting my mom, or Ethan, or even Frankie. He kept threatening to hurt them and I thought I was protecting my family by staying with him.”

The thought of why she was with him has my heart pounding. Bile rises in my throat that this all could have been avoided. “I should have never left you here alone.”

“Grayson.” She places her hand under my chin and forces me to look at her.

“We’re not going to keep going back to this.

You left for your own reasons. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself, and you can’t blame yourself for everything.

It’s not your fault. I’m the one who didn’t see what was right in front of me.

” She hesitates for a moment and takes a deep breath.

“All I can say is that I’m glad you’re back.

I’ve wished I would have told you before you left…

but now I’m not wasting any time just in case I don’t get to.

” Her eyes narrow on mine. “It’s always been you,” she confesses, her eyes rimmed with tears.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore, I had to tell you. ”

Immediately, I draw her into my arms, clutching her to my chest tightly. “How can I not feel the same way?”

There’s much more I want to say but I can’t. I want to tell her how much I love her as well, but I can’t find the words.

Leaning into me, her hips find mine. Once, twice, and I know where it’s heading. I return her passion but with hesitation. I know we need to take things slow and last night we didn’t do that. We acted, or maybe it was me, on impulse and hormones.

I pull back, easing out of the kiss. “Are you hungry?” It’s Thursday and if I remember correctly, Marv’s Bakery up the street sells fresh donuts on Thursday.

“I have to work today,” I confess, peeling myself from the bed. “But I was thinking we could get some donuts before I do.”

Evie’s eyes light up. “It’s Thursday, huh?”

“Yep. He’s still running that place, right?”

“Oh yeah, but I haven’t been in years.”

Marv’s was the highlight of our week in high school. Every Thursday we’d hit them up and nearly eat a dozen donuts between the two of us.

We make our way out of my room, dressed and ready for donuts. When we get to the kitchen, it seems my mom had the same idea. There’s three dozen sitting out the table in the breakfast nook overlooking the pool.

“You’re finally up!” Frankie squeals from the table, her bright pink scrubs nearly blinding this early.

I reach for the coffee pot first. “How do your patients stand you wearing that color? It’s obnoxious.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Frankie, language,” Mom scolds, handing Evie the creamer from the fridge.

“What? He’s being the rude one.”

“Grayson, honey, be nice to her.”

Behind Mom’s back, Frankie sticks her tongue out at me.

Mom leans into the counter, her hands cupped around a coffee mug. “Did you guys have a nice time last night? I didn’t hear you come in.”

Beside me, Evie chokes on the coffee she’d taken a drink of.

“Yeah, we did.” I keep my expression blank and if it wasn’t for the flush of Evie’s cheeks, the comment would have gone unnoticed. Aside from Kelly who laughs.

Mom kisses my cheek, then Evie’s. “That’s nice. If you’ll excuse me, I’m picking Kathy up and we’re heading to Montgomery for the weekend for the Home and Garden convention. ”

“So she’ll be out of town all weekend?” Evie asks my mom, relief on her face.

“Yep. We got a hotel.” Mom smiles. “Dad will be here. He’s working some overtime this weekend.”

Frankie clears her throat. “Guess where we’re going this weekend?”

“Hey, Frankie.” I push pleasantries into my voice for Mom’s sake. “Where are you going this weekend?” I try my best to sound enthusiastic, but I’m not. There’s never a moment’s rest around my sisters. I’d forgotten that while I was away. Or at least, enjoyed it.

“Not just me, all of us!” she corrects. “We’re spending the weekend at Josh’s parents’ house on the lake before he goes back to Arizona. We’re gonna celebrate the Fourth of July early.”

I arch an eyebrow at her. “But why the lake house?”

“Evie needs to get away. The lake house is perfect. We leave this afternoon.”

Evie’s eyes meet mine and I can’t decipher her expression. I glance back at Frankie. “You know Ethan and I have to work today.”

Frankie nods. “I know. I work until four. Kelly will be with Evie today. We’ll leave when you guys get off work.”

“I can’t,” Evie says, nervously darting her eyes around the room. With the sunlight streaming in, I can still see the faintest yellowing to her cheek. “I have to go before the judge on Friday.”

“Oh, honey, Hicks called. He said you don’t have to be present. It’s a technicality I guess. Given the abuse has been noted before, the judge just needs to sign off on it. They’ll serve him Friday afternoon and you’ll be out of town.”

Evie’s eyes flick to mine, wide with shock or relief. Not sure which one it is because she looks away just as quickly.

Though I’m relieved, my irritation flares and I hang on the words “ abuse has been noted before .” Had she told someone about it and they did nothing? I mean, fuck, really? And nobody did anything ?

With a donut in hand, Evie takes a seat besides Frankie, her forehead wrinkled in confusion or annoyance. “Your scrubs really are bright.”

“I know. They’re my backup ones. Ethan ripped my other pair.”

Evie holds her hand up, cinnamon and sugar on her lips. “I don’t need details.”

I wait until Frankie leaves for work and Kelly disappears before I ask Evie what she thinks.

“Are you sure you want to go? We can always stay here.” I stare at her sugar-coated lips.

“Although, we will have our own room. And be completely alone. With a lock….” I let my voice trail off as I place a kiss on her neck.

She twists to face me. “And what does being alone classify? Sex?”

I run my fingers through my hair nervously. “I don’t know.”

What the fuck is wrong with me? I want to.

She misreads my nerves for rejection. “Never mind.” Her cheeks flush as she tries to get up from the table. She thinks I don’t want her because of Shane.

I take her hand and refuse to let her leave. “You know that I want you, right?”

“Yes, but you’re scared,” she mumbles.

I draw her closer and onto my lap. “I want to, really fucking bad, but I want you to be sure that you’re ready,” I whisper against her lips. “You have to be 100 percent positive that’s what you want.”

“I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything.” She begins kissing me again, more passionately, like she’s showing me how sure she is. I let myself enjoy it and deepen the kiss. She tastes like raspberries and sugar.

That’s until Ethan comes in through the back door. “Hey, asshole, it’s time for work. I’ve been waiting outside for you.” He notices Evie straddling me. “Knock that off.”

It’s probably a good thing I have to work .

With a laugh, Evie peels herself off me, taking a box of donuts from the counter with her into the other room. “Have a great day at work, boys.”

Ethan reaches for a donut. “Didn’t know these were here. Nice.” When I don’t move from the table, he watches me and nods to the door. “You coming ?”

Groaning, I hit my head against the table. I don’t know how I’m going to spend the entire day away from her, but I think it might be good for both of us.

Once we’re in Ethan’s truck, he slides it into gear, a donut hanging from his lips. He catches it before it breaks apart in his hands.

“Had Evie ever told you that Shane was hitting her?”

His eyes snap to mine, his glare instant. “What the fuck do you think? How can you even ask me that?”

“Well, I don’t know. I haven’t been around and this shit is fucking with my head.”

I can feel him watching me. I stare out the windshield before he mumbles, “She never said anything.” Sighing, he pulls out of the driveway and I expect his response to be left there, but it’s not.

He adds, “I asked a few times, especially after I took her to the ER. She showed up at the house, bleeding, said she fell and I rushed her in. She wouldn’t say, but Frankie let it slip that Evie had a miscarriage and I guess Evie had admitted to one of the nurses that she’d been kicked in the stomach. ”

I don’t know why but the idea that he got her pregnant hurts a little more than him hitting her. Probably because I’d always imagined us sharing that experience together. And that’s fucked up to think, isn’t it?

The rest of the drive to the job site, Ethan is quiet, until he blurts, “I already talked to Wyatt, but I want your blessing too.”

“On?”

“I’m gonna ask Frankie to marry me.”

I… didn’t see that one coming. They’ve been dating for a while, so I guess if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own head, I would have seen it coming. “I couldn’t have asked for a better guy to be dating my sister.”

“So you’re okay with it?”

I nod, but part of me hurts. I wish I was preparing to ask Evie to marry me, but I know we’re nowhere close to that yet.