Page 15 of All I Have Left

EVIE

D o you notice that girl walking down the street wearing heels and regretting life decisions? Not only am I at the lowest point in my young uneventful life, but I’m very much aware that I’m wearing the wrong shoes for a hike up the highway in the middle of the night.

Frankie and these goddamn shoes . Why did I listen to her?

If there has ever been a point in my life when I hate her, it’s right now, as I’m walking home from Shane’s house and contemplating how I got myself into this mess. Because I’m an idiot girl who fell for the wrong boy. That’s how.

I know what you’re thinking, or at least what I think of me . I’m weak. But I’m not. There’s no more forgiveness. There’s survival and I’m doing what I need to do to protect the ones around me.

After the third pothole, I nearly break my ankle in, and roughly a mile down the road, the shoes have to go. It’s either that or my feet are going to be hamburger meat in the near future.

With a sigh, and the heels dangling from my hands, my mind unconsciously drifts back to Grayson and the smile that makes my bones ache for more .

I’ve missed him so much it hurts and seeing him tonight had been another reminder of how incomplete my life has been without him.

I should be upset that he never called or anything and left with just a “Dear Jane” letter after we had sex.

I should be upset about all of that. But I know why he left.

I saw the warning signs. The fact is, I can’t be mad at him.

And I don’t want to be. After he left, nothing was the same and I want my friend back.

I miss the warmth of his smile and the nights where we would lie in his bed and talk about everything and anything.

I miss the smell of him, and how he always tripped climbing in my window and the curse that followed.

I miss watching his baseball games and throwing Cracker Jacks at him from the stands with Frankie.

The smell of the dirt from the field after it would rain.

I miss watching him play the piano for me late at night.

I miss the impromptu serenades he would do for me when we’d sing along to the radio.

I miss being at a party, wondering where he was and then him appear out of nowhere to put his arm around me, the warmth I experienced—feeling like I belonged to him if only for a moment. I miss our families hanging out together every weekend, the barbecues, the parties, our arrest records.

Nothing, I do mean nothing, has been the same after he left. It’s been three years since he left. Three years of feeling like I belonged to someone. Not in the sense that I was his, but damn it, I was his and he was mine.

Just as I’m starting to curse Frankie for this attire, headlights spark light around the bend.

Please don’t be my brother, or worse, Grayson. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this. I left with Shane but now I’m walking home? That won’t go over well.

Relief washes over me when red and blue lights flicker to life, but no sound emits.

It’s Sheriff Hicks’s way of letting me know he spotted me.

Gravel shifts and I step to the side into the ditch.

I regret it immediately because I don’t know about you, but ditches freak me out and I’m barefoot.

Sheriff Hicks rolls down his window, his arm propped up on the door frame as he’s scrutinizing my stance.

Or my dress. He’s known me my entire life.

Probably doesn’t want to think of me as little Evie Stevie all grown up. I’ll explain the nickname later.

“Evie Stevie?” His brow pulls together. “It’s a little late for you to be out here, don’t you think?”

Don’t you think I know that, old man? I’m not doing this for exercise.

Sheriff Kevin Hicks and me, we don’t have that great a relationship, partly because of Josh, and mostly because of Grayson.

Though I have never done anything terribly wrong, I’m guilty by association.

Fun fact for you. The sheriff’s department actually threw a party when Josh left for college. Mayor Thompson even provided the keg.

Staring at my feet, I check my surroundings for peace of mind.

If something touches my leg, guaranteed I will be on the hood of his car before he can blink.

“Howdy there, Sheriff . Just taking a little midnight stroll.” I smile and dangle my heels in front of him.

“You know, to clear my head. Great night for it.”

Smirking at my sarcasm, he shakes his head and nods to the back. “Hop in. I don’t want you out here this late.”

Nobody wants to ride home in a cop car. It screams trouble, but I’m desperate.

I reach for the door handle. “Thanks, Hicks.” It swings open with a creak and I slide in. Although this isn’t my first time in the back of Sheriff Hicks’s cruiser, it’s still a bit awkward. Staring at the caged screen between us, an unexplained guilt rushes through me.

Our run-ins with Hicks started when Grayson and I were about seven.

We got in trouble for cow tipping. Yep, it’s a thing.

And, yes, in Pinckard, they take cow tipping serious.

And then to top it off, we let out a herd of them into the city for fun.

Our punishment for that one was picking up all the cow shit they left behind.

Worst day ever. We never let those damn cows out again .

Down our dead end road, Hicks shakes his head when he pulls into my driveway. “Is Gomez back in town?”

I don’t look. “Oh, I don’t know.”

“You don’t?” Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror. “You two used to be inseparable.”

I snort, reaching for my heels next to me. “Used to be is the key word, Hicks.”

He tips his smile and thankfully doesn’t ask any more questions but tips his hat to me. “Tell that sweet mama of yours I said hello.”

I think Hicks has a thing for my mom, but whatever. When I’m out of the cruiser, I wink at him. “Will do.”

Careful of my steps, I make my way toward the house. I spot Frankie’s car in our driveway instead of hers. Ethan and Frankie have recently begun sleeping at each other’s houses. It’s not awesome. I don’t get much sleep because of those two selfish buttheads.

Despite me trying not to, I glance over at his house to see Grayson’s black Chevy parked beside Josh’s truck in the driveway.

Is Gomez back in town? My heart jumps into my throat at the sight of that familiar Chevy.

If his truck is here, he must be home for good, right?

He’d been stationed in New Mexico so to drive his truck all the way over here must mean he’s staying.

The house is draped in darkness so I don’t bother going over there. Normal people are usually asleep at this hour.

Inside my house, Mom is sound asleep on the couch with garden plans in her lap.

I fold the plans away and cover her with a blanket before kissing her cheek.

Mom always works so hard to provide a good life for Ethan and me.

That’s part of the reason Ethan and I haven’t moved out yet.

Not only does she cook for us, we both want to be around for her. We’re all she has left.

Mom’s parents died when we were four. Being an only child, we’re all she has besides a drunk uncle and a no-good, problem causing set of in-laws.

I haven’t seen them in two years and don’t plan to.

Their son tried to kill my mom and they made nothing but excuses for him.

I’m a mama’s girl, and nobody will ever harm that woman without me throwing my own life on the line.

I will probably never move away if I have my choice.

And when I do, I fully intend on building her one of those little mother-in-law houses and she can live with me forever. Or a she shed. She’d love that.

I make my way to my room down the hall and pass by Ethan’s room. I can hear Frankie giggling in his room. Unfortunately for me, our bedrooms share a wall. It’s a nightmare for a girl being able to hear what goes on in her brother’s room.

Just as I make it inside, my point is made. I hear quite possibly the worst noise in the world. My brother moaning. I think I vomited a little in my mouth. I touch my hand to my mouth and swallow down the bile rising.

Definitely sleeping with headphones tonight.

I throw myself on the bed, hoping to finally get some much-needed sleep. And that’s when my brother and Frankie start in and his bedframe knocks against the wall.

“Come on, you two!” Reaching for a pillow, I smother my face with it, hoping to block out the noise, or die from not being able to breathe. Either one is a good option at this point. It’s amazing the thoughts you have when you’re lacking sleep and desperate.

While contemplating the many ways I can seek revenge on Ethan tomorrow, the moaning and grunting reach a climax.

You know what I should do, force the jerk to install sound deadener in the walls since he is, in fact, in the construction business. Surely, he should know how.

For a moment, it seems they’ve stopped and then the second I lift the pillow, they start again. “My God!” Reaching around, I smack my hand against the wall above my headboard. “Just stop it already! Some people are trying to sleep here!”

It doesn’t stop them. Not in the slightest. They actually laugh .

“I’m serious, assholes. I have work tomorrow!” I glance at my clock. “I have work later today.”

I work mornings at the coffee shop off the highway. My shifts starts at 6:00 a.m. but I’m usually off work by noon, so at least it’s bearable hours.

This noise, however, is not bearable. It’s the definition of hell.

“Ethan!” I slap my hand to the wall again. “I will chop your dick off unless you either stop it or leave this house! Can’t you go next door?”

Whining to myself, I twist around in the bed, cover my face with a pillow and hum. Doesn’t work because in that moment, I overhear the words, “Ethan.” Frankie yelps, “Fuck, not so hard,”

Nope. Not doing this tonight.

I jump off my bed as if I’ve seen the biggest spider of my life, then proceed to brush it off like it’s actually there.

Fuck that motherfucking asshole who decided it was a good idea to get up early and go to work in the morning.

Fuck the person who invented sex-addicted brothers as well. And fuck the entire goddamn world!

As I grumble unintelligibly stumbling around my room looking for my phone, I realize I’m still wearing that damn dress.

Why in the hell am I still wearing this dress?

Because I had been too tired to take it off. As I walk to my closet to change, my eyes flicker toward my window that faces Grayson’s room. He’s sitting at the piano, his head bowed toward the keyboard.

My heart aches, a familiar twist toward the one who holds it without knowing. I watch him for a moment, remember the way it felt to hear him play tonight. I have to know why he left and where that leaves us now that he’s back, or if he’s back.

And he’s awake so I might as well ask now, right?

Riiiiiight .