Page 31 of All I Have Left

GRAYSON

I stare at Evie’s body that’s been marked by another man. One who supposedly loved her.

I can’t fucking breathe. It takes everything inside me to stand up straight and not fall to my knees in front of her. I want to take her in my arms and hold her, but that’s not what I do. The man inside me wants revenge.

“Get out of my fucking face, you piece of shit,” Shane grumbles, stepping closer to me, the bruising under his eyes from the other night still present. “If you touch me again, I’ll press charges.”

“Press charges. I don’t give a fuck.” I smile at Shane, but it’s certainly not from humor. “I’ll make this simple for you right now, Shane. I’ll walk away when she does. And she’s not leaving with you tonight.”

Shane breathes in slowly and eyes Evie, hatred vibrating from him. “How much you love this guy?”

I turn my head and look at Evie. I wait for her words.

“More than you,” she seethes, never breaking eye contact with him.

With a slow shake of his head, he makes the stupidest move yet. He takes the first swing at me .

I lose it. I lose my fucking mind completely.

I don’t remember hitting him back. But it happened.

I don’t remember him getting up. I don’t remember anyone yanking me off him, but they do.

What I remember is the numbness I succumb to for those few moments.

The quietness. The weightlessness. The intense gratification of avenging Evie’s inner demons and my own that had followed me halfway around the world.

Shane is pulled away by my dad and a bunch of other guys, his face bleeding all over the fucking place, but it’s not enough. It will never be enough. I keep trying to get back at him but the crowd around us keeps me away.

Trying to calm myself down, I bend over. With my hands on my knees, my chest heaving, I lift my head to where Evie had been standing beside Frankie.

When our eyes meet, the look on her face could only be described as pure shock. I lost control and she witnessed it. Ashamed, I look down at my bloody hands. I never wanted her to see that side of me. Ever.

“Evie—” Ethan starts but can’t speak when her eyes meet his, none of us can. With her face clear of makeup, it’s evident she’s been beaten recently, along with blood running down her chin and neck from her lip.

Avoiding eye contact with anyone, her trembling arms circle around her waist.

Scrambling to my feet, I rip my shirt off. I rush over to her and hold it against her face where her lip has been split open. Frankie hands her the dress she’d taken off.

Silently, she slips it over her shoulders and then we’re locked in a stare.

“Evie,” I breathe, choking back tears and trying like hell to catch my breath.

She gasps at my touch, her lips trembling. “I’m sorry.”

I gently take her face in my hands. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. Nothing,” I growl, trying to urge patience into my tone. “Frankie, get my keys.” Careful as I can be, I gently pick her up.

Making my way to my truck, I clutch her so tight I’m afraid she can’t breathe, but she only holds me tighter, clinging to my chest. There’s a moment before I reach my truck when it hits me that another man laid a hand on her.

He’s going to suffer for this. Goddamn, he’s going to fucking pay for this. No fucking way is he getting away with it.

Remember that bottle? I just shook that fucker up again and took the cap off without fear of any consequences.

In the distance, Shane’s Mustang kicks up gravel, spraying against the row of cars parked behind him.

“We should call the police,” Frankie says, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh my God, look at her face.”

“No, we shouldn’t,” Ethan growls, knowing exactly where my mind is too. If we call the police, Shane will be arrested. He doesn’t deserve jail. He deserves so much more than that.

“Ethan, you know where to find him, right?” I ask, my voice wavering. Adjusting my hold on Evie, Frankie hands me my keys.

Ethan’s jaw tightens with a nod. “I’m on it, man.”

People around here don’t call the police. We don’t. You fuck up, you pay by the southern law we have. My eyes drift back to Evie. Our stare connects. Shane’s going to pay for this.

“No! Please don’t,” Evie begs. “It will only make things worse. Just stay with me, Grayson. Please, don’t leave me!” she pleads. Her pleas are broken and restricted from her shaking.

I look at the bruises, the bleeding lip, the eyes that keep holding on when all I wanted to do was let go. From reality, life, everything around me. And now here I am, holding her, and she’s giving me an option to keep holding on.

My jaw tightens, my breathing kicking up, and a familiar strain rages through my chest. I wrap my arms around her. She needs me and I can’t fuck this up. I’m not ever going to deny her, not now. Never again will I leave her, even if she pushes me away .

“If that’s what you want, then we won’t.

” I use every ounce of self-control I have to fight my own inner impulse to fight, what I was trained to do, what I need to do at this point.

For those few minutes I hit Shane, I knew it wouldn’t be enough.

That son of a bitch is going to pay. Maybe not tonight, but very soon.

“No, fuck that.” Ethan doesn’t see it that way and immediately gets in my face.

“I don’t fucking think so. Seriously, Grayson, you can’t be serious?

This guy needs to pay for this shit! Look at her fucking face!

” he roars, staring at me in abject horror as he punches the side of my truck. “Look at her goddamn face!”

It’s difficult for me to see Ethan this way. It’s like watching her own reactions and that kills me.

“Ethan.” I try desperately to keep my voice even and controlled.

“I know you’re angry, so am I. But we need to think about what’s important right now and that’s getting Evie home, safe,” I insist, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

“Find Kathy. Tell her come over to our house tonight. I don’t think she should be home alone, and Evie is not staying over there tonight. ”

I want her with me where I know she’s safe. In my arms. In my bed where I can watch over her.

My dad is the one to open my door. As I set her down, she curls up on the seat, her nearly naked body so fragile and bruised. My head fills with rage because for a moment, I don’t see her. There’s a flashback of Matt—a man I desperately tried to save but couldn’t. But this girl, I can save her.

“Grayson, don’t do anything stupid,” Dad warns.

“I won’t. I’m taking her to the house.”

Nothing is said between Evie and me for the next twenty minutes. She lays her head on my lap, her tears never slowing.

My hands shake on the steering wheel and I fight through urges to find Shane. I breathe in and out and try everything I can to calm myself down, but it’s not enough.

When I pull into the garage, Kathy is already there, pacing back and forth, her hands fidgeting. The very second I open the door to my truck, Kathy is in my face. “What happened? ”

I shake my head, unable to answer and slide out of the truck. She looks at my hands, and then Evie’s face. “I didn’t touch her.”

Kathy gasps at me. “I never thought you did, Grayson.” She pushes past me to where Evie is still lying on the seat.

“Grayson, do you think she needs to see a doctor?” Dad asks. “Maybe Frankie can check her out or have Dr. Andrew stop by.”

I look over my shoulder and lean into the side of the truck, my arms crossed over my chest. “I think she’s okay for now.” He nods, taking my word for it.

Kathy and my mom help Evie from the truck and I pace the garage, trying to breathe, trying to function without falling to the ground.

Evie shies away from her mom’s embrace, her eyes on mine.

“Evie, oh my God.” She cradles Evie’s face to her chest like she’s a child. “Baby girl, oh, honey… I’m… I’m so sorry!”

“Mom… I want to sleep,” Evie whispers and turns toward me. “Can I sleep in your room?”

My heart jumps into my throat, but I manage to nod.

I reach for her and wrap my arms around her.

Ethan and Frankie help me get her back to my room.

I’m not going to leave her alone at this point.

As soon as we reach my room, I sit her on the bed.

She stares at Frankie, then Ethan. They stand by the door next to me and look around my room.

I’ll admit, it’s a bit of a mess and resembles a frat house but whatever.

They shouldn’t be judging me with the week I’ve had.

“I’m fine, guys,” Evie says, avoiding eye contact. “I just want to sleep.”

Ethan stares at her trembling hands. “When was the last time you ate something?”

Evie sighs, a slow shake to her head. “Sleep. I want sleep. Not food, or company, sleep.”

Frankie touches her hand to Ethan’s shoulder, tears in her eyes. “Let’s give her some space.” She smiles tenderly at Evie. “If you need anything let us know. I can take a look at you if you want. ”

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Evie tells us, as if that should make us feel better.

They leave and we’re left alone in the room, the soft click of the door closing the only sounds.

Evie’s eyes meet mine, and the agony in them is too much to take. “Lock it,” she whispers when I’m standing next to my door, unsure what I’m supposed to do next.

Reaching behind me, I twist the lock. “Do you want to be alone? I can sleep on the couch if you want.”

She doesn’t say anything and nervously, I begin rushing around the room to clean up, close the blinds and reach for the pills on my nightstand.

“You don’t have to clean up.” She reaches for my hand, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Just stay here with me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Those words, they fucking break me completely. They tear me down to nothing. Barely able to stand up, my shoulders hunch forward. “I’m sorry, Evie. I’m so fucking sorry that I left you, and he….” My words fade because I can’t bring myself to say it. I left and she turned to him.

“Grayson,” she breathes. “None of this is your fault.”

My eyes slowly lift to hers at my name trembling from her lips. “Yeah it is. If I’d stayed, I would have never let you get wrapped up with Shane.”

She pats the bed beside her and that’s all it takes for me to take her into my arms. I stop thinking and do what I should have done the day I left. Hold her.

“I’m so sorry,” she cries as I wrap a blanket around her. “I’m so sorry I’ve dragged you into this.”

I press my lips to her forehead, my own tears burning. “You haven’t dragged me into anything I wouldn’t have involved myself in for you.”

Ever since I watched Matt die, I had this idea that if I could save anyone from harm, I would. I wouldn’t stand back and let it happen like I was forced to there. And now it’s like I am and this feels like drowning.

I look down at my swollen fists, remembering the night Matt was killed.

I had yet to tell anyone about what happened when I was in Iraq, not even my commanding officer knows everything that happened.

They tried to get me to talk but I refused.

I couldn’t. You can’t put that kind of shit into words and accurately relay what you witnessed.

Evie’s tears are relentless, and she cries longer than I want her to. Sometimes she stops, only to pick up with more force in what can only be described as hysteria. I have no clue what to do but hold her. I’m at a loss, but I hold her tightly, hoping that offers her something.

Every tear that slides down her cheek is like a serrated knife stabbing me in the heart. It’s more than I can stand to see her in this type of pain because of him. When she finally falls asleep, her tears don’t stop. She tosses and turns, murmuring my name repeatedly in an agonized voice.

I watch her all night, tossing, turning, and crying. The nights spent in Iraq were easy compared to the weight of this night. My own pain, I could handle. Hers, I can’t.

I know one thing. I gave up on her once, and I’m never going to again.