Page 34 of All I Have Left

Again, I nod. Yesterday, Ethan came to me and begged me to file a restraining order.

I think he and Grayson had talked about it in the days following the incident with Shane at the bar, but I don’t know for sure.

I didn’t ask because I knew they were right.

I did need to file one. Even though I know what Shane’s reaction is going to be to it. Explosive anger.

Before he leaves, Grayson leans in, his hands on the table, his eyes heavy on mine. I stare up at him. Is he going to kiss me? Why is he so close to my face? He smells like coffee and syrup and I want to lick his skin. “What? ”

He licks his lips, his eyes searching mine. “Please don’t leave without Frankie.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, never breaking eye contact. I hope he understands the bigger meaning.

Without warning, he presses his lips to my forehead, and then reaches for his keys beside his hand. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Ethan knocks his hand to the back of my head, lightly. “Don’t forget to go by the station. If you don’t, I’m calling the sheriff myself.”

“I will.”

The guys leave and I’m left alone with Frankie and Julia.

I know what I need to do, but doing it won’t be as easy as I’d hoped.

Once I file a restraining order, everyone will know what happened.

It’s a small town and won’t be a secret anymore.

What will that mean for Shane? I know, it’s so stupid for me to be concerned about him, but there’s a small part of me that is.

And I’m worried about my mom. If his dad finds out, will they fire my mom?

Will Shane take it out on my family? Will he try to hurt them or me again?

I had so many reservations about what the future might hold that I don’t even know where to start. I know I need to though. I have to make this step or I’m going to forever be held captive by him.

I’d dropped out of college for him, lost my job because of him, and no way will I let him continue to take from me.

I know Shane won’t let go easily. He wants control and power. To Shane, it has nothing to do with me. He doesn’t love me. He wants control over me and confuses that with love. And now that he doesn’t have either of those things, he’s going to react one of two ways. Let me go, or get revenge.

While Grayson is gone, Frankie follows me around their house like a mother watching her toddler walk for the first time. “Let me take a look at your injuries.”

“I’m fine,” I tell her, sitting on Grayson’s bed. “I’m gonna take a shower. You don’t have to watch me. ”

“Can I ask you something and you tell me the truth?”

I swallow, nodding slowly. I’m not entirely sure what to do.

“That day you came into the ER, and I was working. You told me you’d fell, and I didn’t believe you because the bruises on your stomach didn’t match the fall.

” She pauses, her face white, her eyes glassy.

“They pulled me off your service because we’re family, practically, but I read your chart and I kept it to myself.

I knew you’d had a miscarriage, and I waited for you to say something to me. Why didn’t you?”

It takes every ounce of control I have not to burst into tears. “Because I didn’t know how to say anything. I still don’t. I don’t… even know how I feel about it.”

“Did you want to have a baby?”

“With him? No. I didn’t. And the relief I felt having that miscarriage haunts me. I mean, fuck, Frankie. I prayed for it to end and now I feel like the worst person in the world because it did.”

She pulls me into her chest. “You’re not the worst person in the world. You’re one of the bravest people I know. I can’t imagine how hard these last few months have been for you not knowing how to tell any of us.”

Though I’m relieved to have her to talk to about this, it’s fleeting, as with all my emotions, wavering between calmness and hysteria for the unknown.

“I’ll let you shower, but then we’re heading to the station to report this.”

“I will.” The second those words leave my lips, my cell phone rings for the first time in days.

In a moment of anger, I throw it at the wall, knowing exactly who it is. Surprisingly, it still rings. That thing could be bombed and it would still ring if Shane was calling.

Frankie stares at it. “Holy shit.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m impressed with your arm though.” Her eyes find mine. “Do you think it was him? ”

“Probably. Who else would be calling me?”

“Grayson?”

My eyes widen and land on my phone. “Do you think it was him?”

“No.” She laughs. “He broke his cell phone a few days ago and hasn’t gotten a new one. I wanted to see your face if I said his name.”

I stare at her, blinking slowly. “Why?”

“Because it’s the only time you relax.”

Breathing out slowly, I smile. “Am I that transparent?”

“Honey, you don’t forget a love like you guys had. You just don’t.”

She’s right. You don’t.

“Grayson would die for you,” she adds. “Hell, even Ethan and I don’t have that.”

I roll my eyes. “Ethan loves you.”

“He does, but not enough to die for me.” She laughs. “Now his Converse, pretty sure he’d save them before me.”

My brother does love his Converse, and his Gibson guitar, but not like he loves Frankie. She doesn’t need me to remind her. She’s joking, but it eases some tension from the conversation and I think that’s what she was going for.

Until she says, “So… Ethan had a talk with your mom and Shane’s dad after he blew up and I had to basically tie him up to keep him from going after Shane.”

I push past the idea that she had to restrain my brother as fear roots heavy in my chest, my heart pounding with a rapid painful thump. “What? Why?”

“Because it needed to be done. You should have come to us when it first happened.”

I stare at her, unsure what I’m supposed to say.

“She quit her job too. She said she wouldn’t work for Larson Landscaping because of Shane. She’s working as a partner with my mom now.” Frankie smiles, her eyes tender. “You should have seen them planning everything the other night. I don’t know why they didn’t do this sooner.”

Well, fuck. Had it been that easy, I would have said something sooner. Jesus.

“What did my mom say about it? Was she mad at me?” I can’t get the look on her face out of my mind when I saw her in the garage. The way her eyes roamed over the bruises, the sadness she tried so hard to conceal. I knew it hurt her to see that.

“I doubt she was mad. I think she was in shock that she didn’t know sooner. She was hurt that you didn’t tell her. You two need to talk.”

And we will when I’m ready. I don’t think I can look at her and not break down.

“I’ll go file the restraining order today, but I really wish you guys wouldn’t have got involved.”

“Evie, someone had to,” she points out, interrupting me.

“I knew what he was doing to you emotionally, but I thought you were strong enough to handle it yourself. I never thought he would actually hit you. When we saw that he did, that’s all it took for all of us to step in.

We’re not going to lose you over this.” She pauses, her eyes tight, and I understand the meaning.

Ethan and I almost lost our mom the exact same way.

But they’re failing to realize that my reasoning all along was that I didn’t want anything happening to my family. They mean the world to me.

“So, after you shower and we’ve finished at the police station, I have a fundraiser for the hospital tonight and I was wondering if you’d help out.

” She smiles, bright, and it reminds me of Grayson when he wants something.

“You totally don’t have to, but last month you said you would, so I signed us up to keep score and run concessions if they need us to.

I can cancel if you don’t feel comfortable going. ”

“Oh, right. I remember. Is that tonight?”

She nods. “Yeah. Grayson said he’d go if you were and we need him to play. Ethan is not a baseball player. It’s embarrassing.”

I laugh. My brother didn’t get the athletic gene. Boy can play a guitar and belt out a song better than most, but throw a ball to a target, nope. There’s plenty of windows around the neighborhood that can attest to this.

“I’ll go. I think it’d be good for me to get out of the house for a bit.”

“Oh, thank God. My next option was Kelly, and you know how well that’d go over.

First guy to whistle at her and she’d probably throat punch him.

” Standing, she reaches inside the bag she brought in yesterday and tosses jean shorts at me along with a bikini top, well, actually strings with two triangles.

I hold it up, wondering where she found this, knowing I will not wear it in public.

“There is no way in hell I am wearing that to a baseball game, Frankie.” I throw it back at her.

“You’re out of your mind. The black dress was one thing.

This is just… illegal and Grayson will lose his shit if I wear this in public. ”

She crosses her arms and taps her foot on the ground. “I’m not making you wear it, Evie.” And then as I suspected, a smirk surfaces. “But… it will give you a chance to show Grayson what he’s been missing. Just throw a T-shirt over it.”

“Grayson didn’t say anything to me about playing baseball tonight.”

“He can never say no to his sisters. You should know that by now.”

And I do.

While staring at the ridiculous bikini top, I realize Shane might be at the game and the thought gives me an instant wave of nausea. “Wait, do you think Shane will be there?” Suddenly the anxiety returns and the weight I once felt lifting, pushes down on me again.

“I doubt it.” My cheeks heat. Frankie moves toward me, her hands on my face. “I don’t see why he’d show up there. He doesn’t play baseball. ”

“Actually, he did. He played on Larson Landscaping’s fall league.”

“Still, I don’t think he will be there. And besides, you will be well protected by our whole family. We’re not going to let him near you. He will not be able to touch you. And Hicks is the umpire. No way he’d try anything there.”