Page 13 of All I Have Left

GRAYSON

T he devastation in her eyes is enough to bring me to my knees.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say, or how to react to this.

A reality rushes through my veins. Not too long ago, I was there, and now I’m here, like just because I’m back in my hometown, everything is supposed to be normal again?

Or maybe I hoped it’d be that way. I kept telling myself it’d be better here.

I could sleep at night and function throughout the day, if I was home.

But what’s normal anymore?

I’m in a war one day, peace the next?

Nobody who goes to war is the same. Regardless of what you think will or won’t happen, there’s a whole other side of life you’re dealt and forced to accept. You embrace death. You harden and become a version of yourself you once were.

You know what else happens? The people around you change.

Maybe not in the ways you would expect either.

They look at you differently. You went to the dark side, immersed yourself in it.

And now they’re waiting for you to lose it and they need to be on alert at all times.

If I’m being honest, I don’t understand it, or what I’m doing here, but I do know this.

Even the simplest of things can set me off now.

I’ve always been extremely hotheaded, always had a temper, but since what happened in Iraq, it’s more explosive and harder to ignore. Like now.

I’ve always been very aware of Evie, her feelings, the way she reacts.

The real meaning behind her words. Observant, aware, whatever you want to call it, we had that ability with one another and that hasn’t changed.

That guy’s touch, his harshness around her, she wasn’t comfortable with him.

A cloud of helplessness washes over me watching her walk away with him.

Whatever the reason, I’ve come all this way, to come home to this.

Her rejecting me. I’m not going to say it’s justifiable, because I don’t want to admit it, but in some sense, I suppose, I was there, and now I’m here.

I can’t expect that just because I fought for my country and left her to do it, she’d be here waiting for me upon my return. That’s not fair to either of us.

My heart pumps hard in my chest. My body tenses, my fists clenching in anger. His touch on her, the expression on his face, her reaction to him, it’s all on me. I’m to blame for this because I left her. The only reason she’s with that guy is on me because if I hadn’t left, she wouldn’t be with him.

What in the hell have I done?

I’m not stupid. I knew coming home there would be a possibility of her being with someone else. Deep down, I’d prepared myself to a certain extent, but not for this pain in my chest. Not for the guilt that slams in my chest. It’s… unbearable.

My temperament seems to go downhill after that. I feel jumpy and agitated, like I’m going to explode at the drop of a hat. My ears start ringing and the more I try to relax, the worse it gets.

In the parking lot, Ethan catches me, his eyes wide underneath his hat shading his face. “I know, it’s fucked up. All of it,” he mumbles, giving me a look I don’t understand. “But walk away.”

Walk away? I narrow my eyes at him. He can’t possibly be serious.

If you look closely, you can see hesitation in his.

He knows something I don’t, but I’m not exactly in a place where I can demand to know everything.

I’ve disappeared from everyone’s lives and can’t expect to be brought back in like nothing changed.

And looking at the situation now, it’s fucking changed a lot.

I snort. “You’re okay with her being with him?”

After a pause, he snaps his eyes to mine and says, “No, fuck no. But she doesn’t fucking listen to me.” And then adds, because he knows I’m not going to just back down that easily, “Let’s go. There’s no use going after her.”

I drag my eyes to where Shane’s car is leaving the parking lot.

With my hands behind my head, I pace the space between the parked cars, the gravel crunching beneath my feet.

I drop my hands and pinch the bridge of my nose.

I blow out a steady breath, my jaw tense from clenching it so much.

When I’m calm enough to make sense, I ask, “Is she really dating that guy?”

Josh and Ethan exchange a loaded glance before Ethan shrugs, burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You could say that.”

I don’t like that answer.

“I wouldn’t say dating. More like being held hostage,” Frankie mutters, jumping on my back. After taking shots all night and day—probably—she’s in no shape to even be walking at this point.

But held hostage? What the fuck?

I carry her over to Ethan’s Jeep and set her on her feet. “You’re drunk.”

She taps her finger to my nose. “And you’re pretty, boy. My God, I missed that face.”

I push her away from me, not in the mood for her cheerfulness.

After buckling Frankie in the Jeep, I slide into the driver seat of my Chevy.

Josh gets in with me. I assume this is their way of making sure I don’t follow Evie.

Which, if I’m completely honest, is probably a good idea on their part.

I planned on it. I was going to follow them, kidnap Evie, and drive out of town without another thought.

“Fuck, man. I’ve missed you, buddy!” Josh rocks my shoulder with a punch, obviously trying to lighten the mood, but not helping. “It’s good to see you.”

“Looks like a lot has changed in three years,” I growl, pulling out of the parking lot, a spray of gravel and dirt kicking up in a cloud.

Josh shrugs. “Causing problems will only cause more for her,” he adds. As if instantly regretting his words, he looks away.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t really know much about it, but I guess it’s been an on and off thing for a while now and he won’t take no for an answer.”

I don’t like the sound of that, either. “Who is he?” Instinctively, I grip the steering wheel, preparing myself for what I know I don’t, and never wanted, to hear.

“Who’s who?” he teases, trying to play dumb.

I tighten my grip on the wheel in anger, letting out a dramatic sigh. “C’mon, man, you know who I’m fucking referring to.”

“Jesus, chill out.” He laughs.

“Nothing about this is funny, Josh.” Clearly, I’m losing all sense of composure, as if I had any to begin with. I don’t. Not when it comes to Evie. “How could you let her be around someone who treats her like that?”

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m taking it out on Josh and he doesn’t deserve it, but damn it, what the fuck?

I would have never let Kelly date someone like that.

Josh draws in a deep breath, his massive chest expanding with the action.

His gaze finds the window. “Why do you care so much? You left,” he adds.

See what I mean?

When I left, I didn’t think about how it would affect anyone.

I acted on impulse, which you will soon find out, I do a lot.

And quite frankly, selfishly at that. The fact is, I had friends—not just Evie—who were hurt I never told them my plan and why I left.

On top of that, I cut off all ties with everyone, thinking it was best. It’d be one thing if I would have left for college and kept in contact, but I didn’t.

I joined the Army and pretended like life outside that didn’t exist anymore.

In some ways, it didn’t. I threw myself into that life, fought hard for my country, and didn’t look back.

I knew if I didn’t, I’d end up back here.

Choosing to ignore his last comment, I think about who Shane Larson is. The name sounds familiar. And then it hits me who Shane is. “Shane… is he that same jackass from high school?” I seethe, putting the name with his face. “The one you played football with?”

“Yep. That’s the one.” Josh nods, refusing to look in my direction as he flips the knob on my radio and turns up the song playing.

Shane played football with Josh all through school.

I want to go as far to say it was his own doing, but no one liked Shane in school.

Long before the term “bullying” had been a thing, Josh, okay, all of us, had taken our shots at Shane.

If you asked me, he deserved it. I get it.

His mom apparently killed herself in front of him, and I’ve seen death first hand to know it fucks you up.

But that guy, he’s unstable. Even as a kid.

Never friendly, his aggression ruled every part of him.

In the times the coach did let him play, he took out players for no reason and pretty much spent most of high school suspended.

He’s the guy who always ends up being the serial killer neighbor you find out had been hiding bodies in his freezer and think to yourself, yep, saw that one coming.

I’ll tell you something else, too. Shane’s temper is worse than mine was. Senior year he was kicked off the football team for getting into too many fights with opposing teams and putting another player in the hospital with a broken back.

All over a holding play. Keeping himself composed when angry is not in his nature .

And that’s who she’s in the arms of? That guy? No, I don’t think so. I’m fucking her. God, those words sit and fester inside me to the point my hands shake. I never want to think about someone else inside her.

“How could you— how could Ethan —allow her to date that moron?”

His eyes narrow at me, pain and betrayal sparking in them. “You know what? Fuck you, Grayson. You fucking act as if we had a choice,” Josh shoots back. “You know how she can be. No one is going to tell Evie Brooks who she can date.”

I groan, knowing he’s right. “How long have they been dating?”

“How the hell should I know? I don’t live around here anymore.” He avoids looking at me, and I can’t say I blame him. I wouldn’t want to look in my direction right now either. God knows what kind of lunatic I look like.

Regardless, I need to know some things. “Do you know how they met? Are they serious?”

“You’re asking the wrong guy here.” He meets my gaze for a split second and then focuses out the window as he says, “All I know is that Kathy works for his dad. I assume that’s how they met.

But I don’t know. And I couldn’t tell you how serious it is.

From what I’ve been told, he’s protective of her.

” Josh shrugs, leaning into the door as he runs a hand through his hair.

Why in the world would Evie want to be with him? Doesn’t she have more respect for herself than that? “Where’d they go?” I ask, trying my best to sound inconspicuous. Did it work?

“Ha. I’m not stupid.” He knows me too well. “You need to keep your distance from that.”

I’ll take that as he’s not going to answer me.

“Look, Grayson,” he says slowly, turning to face me.

“I’m not going to stop you if you want to go after the guy.

You look like you can handle your own these days.

That’s your business, but from what I hear, the more we try to persuade her to leave him, the more she turns toward him.

She needs to figure this out on her own.

” He tips his head, as if he was trying to get me to agree.

I raise an eyebrow at him. I’m still not sure I won’t go after him, but for now, I should probably wait this one out for at least a night.

I can feel the hole that was in my chest gaping open further. If the last year hadn’t been hell enough, it feels like I’m welcomed home to something a lot worse in my eyes. Evie in the arms of another man who has an unexplainable hold over what was mine.