Page 30 of All I Have Left

EVIE

I can’t breathe. I blink, try to move my head and focus, whispering, “That hurts.”

I meet his eyes, scared of what I’ll see. There isn’t anger. There’s sadness as they narrow at me. He pauses as if he’s about to say something to me, but his face twists into disappointment. “Did you tell your mom?”

I grab at his hands and try to pull them away. “Tell her what?”

His body presses to mine. He tilts his head and leans forward, his grip easing up. “About this.” His thumb sweeps over my swollen cheek.

My tears begin to stream down my cheeks. “No, because she’d kill you if she knew.”

A sad, condescending smile forms. “I thought you wanted me dead.”

I bring a shaking hand to my neck and try again to remove his grip. I can feel my heart beating in my throat. “I want you to stop hurting me.”

He’s quiet for a moment. Contemplative. “Maybe I need to show you how much I love you.”

No, no, no! I close my eyes and wish I could be anywhere but here. “If you love me, you won’t hurt me. ”

My words make him pause for a moment. His eyes drop to my chest, and he nods slowly, and then traps me against the side of the house, one hand by my head, the other on my hip.

His touch is rough and unwanted. Tugging my dress up around my waist, his hand works between my legs. I grasp his wrist. “Stop.”

I know what’s going to happen. And I’d rather die than have this happen here.

Shane’s questing fingers prod around me under my dress, an unwanted friction.

It only hurts me. My tears can’t be helped.

Involuntarily, I make a whimpering sound, even more scared than I have been. “Shane, please,” I beg. “Not here.”

“Go ahead, look at him now. Let him see you fucking me. Let him….” He grunts, his erection against my thigh. His jeans are still on but I know what’s about to happen.

My blurry vision focuses over Shane’s shoulder where Grayson is looking my way, over his shoulder when Courtney points at us, and then away again.

To anyone else, this looks like a couple making out.

It’s so much more than that. It’s a girl being forced to pretend she’s okay with this.

Shane’s left hand tightens around the back of my neck, the other between my legs. His mouth latches onto my neck, biting and sucking. “Come on, Evie. You know you want to make him jealous.”

“Stop!” I yell, slamming my hands into his chest. “I said no!” I try to scream, but Shane’s hand over my mouth captures my pleas. I stare at him, his irises swallowed by black.

“Shut up,” he growls, shoving me against the side of the house harder.

You would think this gets easier to deal with.

To numb yourself. But it doesn’t. Each time it hurts before I can react.

I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I hear the roar of the lawnmower races fading, and then Jameson coming around the other side of the house with his helmet in hand, his cell phone in the other.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, knowing he’d interrupted something private. Jameson looks at me as he walks by out of the corner of his eye and the hold Shane has on me.

Please don’t walk away! Stop. Hear my cries for what they are.

There’s a hesitation to his next step. My eyes dart to Grayson, his back to me, his hand in his pocket and a new bottle in the other hand.

Shane tenses when he notices that Jameson stopped at the corner of the house.

Jameson turns around to face us, his eyes narrowing in on mine. “You okay, Evie?”

Oh, thank God. My cry bursts out, my body shaking and convulsing around Shane. “No!”

Shane covers my cries with his hand again.

“Get lost,” he says, a frustrated snip to his tone as he shields my body from view and removes his hand from between my legs.

“Nah.” Jameson steps forward. “I think she wants you to get lost.” And then he cranes his head to the side at me, as if he’s trying to decide whether I need his help or not. I nod with wide eyes, trying to silently let him know I need help.

“Seriously, man.” Shane groans. “I said get lost.” He turns and buttons his jeans he’d gotten undone and lets go of me completely.

I immediately flatten out my dress and wiggle my panties up that were around my thighs. “It’s not fine, Shane.” My sobs take over and I fall to the ground against the house.

Jameson reaches a hand out to help me but Shane steps between us.

Shane slaps his hand away. “This ain’t your business.”

“Looks to me like you’re beating up on this girl and that makes it my business,” Jameson says, calmly putting his phone in his pocket and then dropping his helmet to the ground.

“Makeup does a lot but…” Jameson shakes his head, squaring his shoulders, standing up to Shane.

“It takes a fool not to see it in her eyes and yours. She hates you, man. ”

“Just get lost,” Shane growls, as if he’s at the end of his patience.

“You wanna hit someone, hit me.” Jameson steps forward, clearly not ready to let this go. “Not some innocent girl.”

Shane throws his hands up in the air. “Go back to your fucking hillbilly NASCAR and stay out of shit that has nothing to do with you.”

“Hillbilly?” Jameson laughs, his eyebrows raised. “You live in Pinckard. Alabama. Look around. Couldn’t get more hillbilly than this, you stupid fucker.”

Shane snorts and rubs his jaw. “Yeah, whatever you say.” He glances down at me, where I sit crying, and then back to Jameson. “Mind your own goddamn business.” His voice has risen and catches Grayson’s attention. Immediately he’s walking over toward us with Ethan and Aiden by his side.

Shane, clearly not thinking, turns to say something to me, and his hand connects solidly with my mouth. I’m not entirely sure it’s intentional, but it happens.

It stings so badly. With my hand pressed to my face, embarrassment pulses through me. Shane tries to reach for me. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”

“Don’t touch me,” I seethe, backing up on the ground, my hands digging into the grass.

Jameson reaches for me to help me up, his eyes wide.

Shane knocks his hand away. “She’s fine.”

Jameson stands his ground and shoves him. “She’s not fucking fine. Look at her fucking face!”

Shaking, I stand up and rush inside the house, fearing what’s going to happen next.

“Evie!” I hear Frankie yell after me. I stumble and trip over steps and fall onto the kitchen floor on my hands and knees.

She catches up to me. I don’t turn toward her, my crying making it damn near impossible.

On all fours, I catch a glimpse of myself in the sliding glass door and I think, this is the end.

This is it. No matter what happens from this point forward, I will not leave with Shane. Never again.

The longer you keep a secret, the harder it is to reveal it. Slowly, I take my hat off and turn toward Frankie. I reach for a rag on the counter and wipe it over my face. Whatever secrets I’m keeping, they’re out in the open by one look at my face.

At first, I don’t think she comprehends the magnitude of what I’m revealing to her. She reaches out her hand and helps me to my feet. Her sigh is long as she looks at me. And then it hits her with a blink of her eyes. “I am going to kill that stupid son of a bitch!”

I chase after her, not wanting her to get hurt. If he can hurt me, the one he supposedly loves, what will he do to my friend? “Frankie, no!”

Outside, I notice Grayson first and the scene around him. Shane is standing next to the house. He flicks his eyes to mine. “I didn’t mean to hit her,” he grumbles, annoyed he’s having to explain himself. “I turned and she was in the way.”

Anger pulses through me, my cheeks heating.

“You didn’t mean to?” I snort and step toward him.

I don’t know what possesses me to do what I do next.

Maybe a magnitude of built-up rage for what I’ve endured the last year.

But I rip my dress off in front of about ten people and throw it at him, leaving me in my bra and underwear.

“Did you mean for this to happen?” I point to my chest and the marks, and the fading ones on my arms. My fear folds into rage and I expose him, and myself.

“Or what about these? Did you mean to kick me in the stomach after I lost the baby? Because I distinctly remember the words you said. They didn’t feel like an accident. ”

Silence lingers around me, or maybe it’s my heart drowning out the noise around, but whatever it is, Shane and I are locked in a stare. Mine resentment, his… I don’t know. Sadness. Shock. Anger. Maybe all of it.

Jameson is the first to say something as he steps back away from Shane, holding up his palms with a smile. “Looks to me like you’re a fuckin’ dead man.” He glances at Aiden beside him. “I really wanted to hit that guy.”

Grayson’s body trembles, his breathing heavy when Frankie gasps, holding me to her side. I can’t tear my eyes from Grayson. From the stony jaw set in anger, the clenched muscles, the glare, this side of him I haven’t seen before. My teeth chatter, waiting for what comes next.

You can feel the air around us change as Grayson steps toward Shane and by the look on his face, cold and callous, one thing is very apparent.

This is not the same Grayson I once knew.

This guy is a product of what he’s been hiding from all of us since he returned.

I think we both exposed ourselves in a matter of seconds.