Page 38 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

Ever since the library, something shifted between us. It’s been a week, and we haven’t talked about it, but it’s undeniable.

Declan has been coming home earlier. He’s done a few school pickups with me, so we can spend the afternoon with the kids. Stolen looks, touches and kisses are the norm now. I don’t know how long we can pretend.

He’s insisted on unplanned family outings, ignoring the color-coded system on his fridge door.

He worked from home for two days this week, though all his work occurred in my bed. Not that I’m complaining.

It’s moments like these when the longing rattles through me, unwilling to stay put. The need to reach out and squeeze his shoulder, to hold his hand, to kiss him is growing stronger every day.

But I take what I can get at present. And a family dinner on this luxurious terrace is one of those moments I will cherish forever.

“I can’t wait. I’m going to be the best,” Zach boasts. “Can I go to my room and call Grandma about it? I will be back for dessert.” He’s already standing up.

“Can I go to my woom, too?” Zoya asks.

She’s been really quiet today. “You haven’t eaten much. Are you okay, sweetheart?” I reach to touch her forehead.

“What about that ice cream?” Declan puts his fork down.

“I’m not in the mood fow ice cweam.” She slides down and shuffles away, following her brother.

Declan swipes the linen napkin from his lap. Before he stands up, he looks at me. Like we’re a team. Like he wants my opinion.

“Go talk to her, and I’ll tidy up.”

“Leave it and come with me. Let’s talk to her together.” He extends his hand, and I let him pull me up.

We climb the stairs in silence, and he brushes his hand against mine, squeezing my pinkie .

“I hope she’s not coming down with anything,” I say.

“Let’s find out.” He moves his hand on the small of my back as he leads me to her room. While my mind is full of worry, my body tingles with excitement.

“Hey, sweetheart, we came to check if you’re okay.” He knocks on Zoya’s open door.

She sits up cross-legged on her bed, her shoulders slouched. Declan sits beside her, and I stay, leaning against the door.

She looks at me, and then at Declan. “Lily says there is nothing wwong with me, but I think she’s twying to be nice.”

What is she talking about? And the fact that a six-year-old knows about pretending makes me mad at the world, and sad at the same time. When did she lose her innocence?

Declan glances at me, and then leans toward his daughter. “I think Lily is an honest person, and she would not lie to you.”

And there goes my heart, the reminder of my lack of honesty squeezing my stomach. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him everything. He deserves to know.

“Yeah, that sounds like hew.” Zoya smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. What has wiped that beautiful, always-present grin from her face?

Declan opens his arms, and Zoya crawls into his embrace. “I agree with Lily; there is nothing wrong with you.”

She sighs. “Why can’t I say ‘w’?”

Declan looks at me like a deer in headlights. I cross the room and sit beside them. “Love, sometimes it takes longer.”

She purses her lips, contemplating before she says, “Zach can say it.”

Declan sighs, pulling her tighter. He kisses her forehead.

“Do you know when he started walking?” I ask.

Declan raises his eyebrow.

“No.” She shakes her head.

“When he was fourteen months old. Four months after you. Today, you are both pretty good at walking. No one can tell when you started.” I wink at her.

Declan stares at me.

Zoya perks up. “I was first?” She looks at her dad with expectation.

“It’s not a competition, sweetheart.” He kisses her forehead. “But if your tongue doesn’t obey you by the time Grade One starts, we will take you to a specialist.”

“What’s a specialist?” She looks from Declan to me.

“Someone that is so good at saying R, they can teach you.” I smile at her.

Her eyes widen. “Can we go now? ”

“Not right now, sweetheart, but we can make an appointment.”

“Tomowow?”

“Sure.” He nods. “Let’s get ready for the ice cream outing.”

I take a sip of whiskey, leaning against the banister and looking at the flickering city.

“I think I had too much ice cream.” Declan joins me.

I chuckle. “Yeah, you definitely did. Are they sleeping?”

“Yes, and I’m exhausted and vibrating with sugar at the same time.” He takes away my glass and sips.

“I’m tired, too. It was an eventful day. I haven’t felt lonely since I started living here.” I take the drink back.

“Kids will do that.” He sighs, his elbow touching mine.

“I like it. I like living here with you. It scares me how quickly it’s started feeling like home,” I confess.

He watches me for a moment, a content almost-smile lingering on his lips.

“Earlier tonight with Zoya, how did you know when they started walking?” He leans in and kisses my shoulder .

“The albums beside the pictures in the dining room—there is one with their firsts. Who made it?”

“My mother. I’m glad you were there when I talked to her. Sometimes I’m so focused on things to do that I forget how to connect with them.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You made Zach very happy today, and you spoiled them at that ice cream parlor. I wonder, who even are you lately? So reckless and spontaneous.” I poke him with my elbow, grinning.

“I can show you reckless and spontaneous and bend you over this banister.” Delicious darkness laces his voice.

“Been there, done that,” I tease, and he slaps my ass.

Our eyes lock. “We’re a good team,” Declan says.

“We are.” The grin I’ve been carrying lately may split my face.

His expression grows serious, and he straightens. I follow, turning to face him. Declan tucks a strand behind my ear. “We need to tell the kids.”

“That we’re a good team? I think they know.”

“About us.”

And my grin falters. We’re a good team, but the admission is tainted. With my secret. With our secret. With the strange circumstances of this union.

“Are you sure?” I ask stupidly, because a part of me hopes he will wave his hand and say he was just kidding.

“Yes. I want everyone to know.”

Jesus. My heart hammers loudly, drowning the rest of the city noise. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I can’t pretend with you, Lily. I cannot lie to my children that you’re just my nanny—”

“But I am your nanny.”

“That’s not the point. I’m not saying it’s without complications, but you are way more than my nanny. You can’t deny that.”

It breaks my heart how much trust he has in me. It hurts that I can’t be completely honest with him.

I need to tell him who I am, but I don’t want all of that to come crashing down on this blissful bubble. Not yet. I need to protect the three of them. Not until I’m sure it’s safe.

“Jesus, Declan, you pretended I didn’t exist for months. I’m sure you can do a little more pretending.”

He frowns. “I thought we were on the same page.” The disappointment in his voice stabs me in my chest.

“What is it you want to tell them, Declan? That we’re dating? Or that we’re married?” I challenge him, because offense is my best defense.

He bows his head. “We will tell them that we’re dating.”

“Then let’s wait until the divorce.” The words sound foreign to me.

Declan steps into my space, his nostrils flaring. “I am. Not. Divorcing. You.”

Oh, my poor heart. Oxygen doesn’t reach my lungs. I can’t avoid the truth anymore. He deserves the full story. Then he can decide. Then he will probably divorce me immediately, just to protect his family. I would.

A part of me wants to beg him to give us more time. To allow us to enjoy what we have without my burden spoiling everything. But I can see the hurt on his face. I can’t do that to him.

“I have to tell you—”

“Daddy, I can’t sleep,” Zoya whines, rubbing her eyes by the door.