Page 18 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

I quickly fill Saar in.

“I didn’t know you were renting a room only. Is Declan’s nanny a live-in position?” she asks.

“No. And I did a brief search this morning and…” I sigh.

“Something will come up.” Cora pats my hand.

“Declan will help you out, I’m sure,” Saar reassures me.

He will help, and drive me crazy in the process, but I don’t share that with my friends. “He kissed me. ”

For the second time today, my friends look at me with surprise. Only this time, it’s more with shock.

“Is that why you stabbed him?” Saar asks.

And she’s not even kidding. I feel strangely indignant on his behalf. I shouldn’t, but I do.

“Of course not. I actually enjoyed the kiss.”

“Isn’t there some sort of a code? Don’t fuck your nanny?” Cora asks.

“We didn’t…” I look around, blush heating my cheeks. “He remembered the code and stopped.”

“On some weird level, this makes Declan almost more human.” Saar grins.

“Is it going to be awkward now when you work for him?” Cora asks.

I blow out a long breath and lean back in my chair. “I don’t know, but he is not home much, so we really only meet for a few minutes in the morning and in the evening.”

“You enjoyed the kiss.” Cora pokes me in the ribs. It’s not a question; it’s a statement.

What gave my feelings away? Do I have a large sign on my forehead that says I have a crush on Declan Quinn, and that I’ve never been kissed like that?

“It was okay,” I deflect, heat now spreading from my face down my neck. Has the air conditioning stopped working?

“Just okay? By the level of blush, I’m almost tempted to ask for X-rated details, but since Declan is my brother-in-law, I’ll try to forget about the whole thing.” Saar makes a face like she’s just swallowed a lemon.

“He probably did already.” I sigh.

“Lils?” Cora probes, empathy lacing her voice.

I groan. “Okay, I find him attractive and I enjoyed the kiss. But that doesn’t mean anything because I work for him, and because he regretted the moment of poor judgment, as he called it.”

Saar reaches her hand over and squeezes mine. “I’m sorry, but I think it’s for the best. What got you to take the job, anyway?”

I shrug. “I enjoyed my week with the twins way more than I enjoy my current job. And they accepted me after so many nannies failed. They deserve some stability.”

“As long as you don’t get hurt because you have the hots for their father,” Cora says, her words spreading another wave of heat down my body.

“Declan is not a good idea, Lils.” Saar stirs the foam in her drink. “He is dedicated to those kids after their mother abandoned them. He has no room for a relationship, even a casual one.”

“When did his wife leave?” Cora asks.

Saar’s face contorts with pain. “First time, when they were three or four months. ”

Jesus. “First time?”

“She came back briefly when they were three, and decided yet again that motherhood is not for her.” Saar shakes her head slowly, as if the movement can make the statement more comprehensible.

“That’s horrible.” Cora’s hand flies to her heart, while mine is breaking for the twins. And for Declan.

“And that’s the reason Declan doesn’t let women close,” Saar says. “The wounds Kendra left are ones that can’t be healed. He protects his heart and his twins fiercely. I mean, the man hires an escort for each event, and probably takes care of his needs in the Velvet Room.”

“The sex club? Not even casual hookups?” Cora asks.

“I don’t know for sure, but Corm believes his brother just gave up on intimacy.” Saar looks at me. “Lils, protect yourself against that kind of pain. You deserve better, and more than he can ever offer.”

The man is good, I’ll give him that. If I thought he ignored me before, he is now bringing his A-game. It’s like I don’t exist. Like that moment in his office two weeks ago truly was a moment of poor judgment that he erased as quickly as he changes his tie .

That kiss really meant nothing to him. With Saar’s warning on top of everything, I should be cured.

I’m not.

I’m stealing glances at him every chance I get. There are only fleeting moments. My favorite are the mornings when I arrive.

Instead of trying to forget about the kiss, like Declan did, the memory has been running on a loop in my mind. And to make things worse, I’ve taken to watching him every morning, as if that could in any way help me move on from this unrequited… What? Infatuation?

I stay in the shadows before entering the kitchen and watch him preparing breakfast for his kids. I feel like I’m secretly intruding on their sacred, special moments, but I can’t help myself.

To my disappointment—I mean luckily—he’s been fully dressed every morning, unlike that first time.

He dances around the kitchen with proficiency, and chats with the kids about their day and schedule.

Some days he looks tired, showing up out of duty more than enthusiasm, going through the motions because it’s on his calendar, but he always shows up, and I admire him for that.

I also admire the way his sinewy body moves, his muscles bulging as he flips pancakes. Or when he opens the fridge.

I have it bad for him.

“Would you like a pancake, Lily?” His voice pours over me with its chocolate-like decadence, and a dose of shock.

Shit. He knows I’ve been lurking?

“Good morning.” I trip into the kitchen, steadying myself on the counter.

“Good mowning.” Zoya swings the fork with a syrup-coated pancake in the air.

“Morning,” Zach grumbles.

“Pancake?” Declan growls at me. Is he annoyed?

Why on earth I find him attractive is beyond me. Perhaps if we spend more time together, my feelings will settle.

“No, thank you.” I don’t look at him.

I’m embarrassed he caught me snooping. Also, I haven’t looked him in the eyes since the night of the kiss, and I really don’t want to do that. His intense gaze always robs me of my sanity. Even more than his voice.

“Thank you for breakfast, Dad.” Zach slides down and ambles away, deep in thought. I should investigate what’s going on.

“Ready, Zoya?” I smile.

“These wewe pewfect, Daddy. Thank you. Awe you coming with me, Lily?” She bounces to the floor and skips around. The girl is always in motion.

“I need to talk to Lily,” Declan says. “Go get your things, sweetheart.”

Fuck.

Zoya rushes away, and we’re left alone in the kitchen. My shoulders stiffen, and I start collecting the dishes after the kids. Anything to avoid him.

“I’m working from home today, so I can spend time with the kids before the function tonight.”

I open the dishwasher and put the plates in. “Okay.” Why is my voice high-pitched?

“Are you still okay to stay longer tonight? I’m not sure how long I’ll be, so feel free to stay in the guest room. I don’t want you to travel across town only to come back a few hours later.”

“Okay.” I move a fruit bowl and continue looking for things to do that keep me in motion, and without a direct need to look at him.

“Have you found a new apartment yet?”

In my periphery, I see him leaning against the kitchen counter casually, and suddenly I’m really pissed that he unsettles me this much. That, somehow, he reduces me to a bundle of anxiety and nerves and lust, and then he mocks me with his nonchalant attitude.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him.

First tactical mistake. There was a good reason for avoiding his gaze. His eyes hold mine before they drop to my cleavage. Second mistake, but I refuse to drop my arms because his eyes roam.

“I can help you with your living situation. Don’t be stubborn, Lily.”

He pushes off the counter. At the same time I step forward, ready to storm out of the kitchen. The unfortunate result is that now he’s blocked my path, and his scent has vaccinated me against reasonable behavior.

So instead of protecting boundaries, I poke at his chest with my finger. “Perhaps that’s who I am. Stubborn and erasable.”

He spins me around, my back hitting the island where he cages me with his hands on each side of me. He lowers his face to mine, so close I forget to breathe. An unfortunate but common occurrence around my boss.

“I tried to give you space, little Seagull, but you keep taunting me, with your morning spying, with your lingering scent when I come back home. Don’t mistake my restraint for lack of desire.

I fucking want you, Lily. I want you so much that my cock is hard just knowing you exist. I want to discover what’s under those flimsy, indecent shorts of yours. ”

He lowers his forehead to mine, and I almost whimper, overwhelmed with a series of physical reactions that can’t be healthy. My heart skips a beat, my stomach twists, my skin bursts into flame, and my brain explodes. What’s happening in my panties is plain mortifying.

I try to look away, but he grips my jaw, not too hard, but enough to coax my chin up. “But I hold back, because one of us needs to be responsible. I hold back, because not only would it be a bad idea, but by now, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t survive if I got my hands on you.”

As if to prove his point, his erection pokes into my stomach, and fuck, he may be right. I wouldn’t survive him. Not just physically. I’m not ready for his intensity. I don’t think I can match it.

“So don’t test me, little Seagull, for both our sakes.”