Page 37 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

Lily

I spoke up and it felt really good.

Celeste

What are we talking about?

Saar

I think the soccer dad.

Cora

Good for you, Lils. No more uncomfortable?

Still. But also liberating. I love you all. Thank you.

Saar

It took sex-related advice for you to realize we’re the best?

Exactly (laughing evil emoji)

Cora

I need a man!!!

Celeste

I’m sure there is a soccer practice somewhere near you (winking emoji).

“ W orking?” I lean against the door frame of Declan’s office.

The sushi outing was a success, with both kids tired out and sleeping as soon as their heads hit their pillows.

But that’s only part of it. After our disagreement, and after all I’d learned about myself today, spending time with Declan, Zoya, and Zach at a casual restaurant felt like… like family.

Like these three people are my closest. Like I can see my future with them, even though I don’t think it’s possible.

This afternoon, when Declan defended the soccer against the piano, I stood up to him. I haven’t done that in the longest time. Without knowing, he encourages me to speak up.

It may have started in the bedroom, or it may have come from sheer frustration, but I know it also came from trust, and safety.

It’s like I’ve grown into myself, shedding the past trauma—not yet all of it—and leaning into my new phase in life .

I didn’t know how long I’d be suspended in this limbo of my current life. Not being able to step into my future because my past would catch up and derail me.

Here, with Declan and his family, it feels like an independent path may be possible. It’s probably just a na?ve fantasy, but it makes me more alive than I’ve been… ever.

It also makes me want to cherish every moment. I was expecting Declan to sneak into my room, but when he didn’t… I came to find him.

“Sorry, I was waiting for the kids to fall asleep, and I lost track of time. This woman’s line is obvious for four generations, and then I keep hitting a wall. There are three potential people who could have been her paternal ancestors.”

“You know you don’t need to impress me with your sleuthing skills.” Closing the door, I walk over to the corner and sit on a wing chair. I’m wearing a short, silky nightgown. Nothing else.

I sit un-lady-like at first, my legs wide, before I cross my legs elegantly.

“Seagull,” he groans.

“Yes?” I smile, batting my lashes innocently.

He pushes his chair and rounds the desk, but then he stops, studying me from afar. Oh, the need in his eyes makes me so wet, I worry he will need to reupholster his chair. Shit. I hope it’s not an antique .

He’s wearing a black T-shirt that hugs his muscles like a second skin, and flannel, checkered pajama pants. How can I be this attracted to someone? It baffles me.

“Have you forgotten your underwear?” he rasps, folding his arms across his chest.

I smile. “No, I haven’t forgotten.”

He narrows his eyes. “You planned this.”

“Kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision. Like the unplanned sushi night.” I lick my lips. “Who knew you could be spontaneous?”

“I blame that on you,” he rasps.

His pants tent, and it gives me confidence. “I always wanted to be fucked against bookshelves. Like that library scene in Atonement .”

He probably doesn’t know the movie.

He groans. “Tell me more about it.”

It’s a challenge. He doesn’t necessarily want the scene description; he wants me to express myself about my desires. I didn’t understand why he pushed that at first, but I’m grateful now.

He respects my boundaries—minus the cyber-watching—but he also pushes them, and that’s liberating. So I lick my lips and smile coyly.

He’s clenching his fists, and I love the reaction. I make an exaggerated spectacle of re-crossing my legs.

“He lifts her leg to the ladder.” I lick my lips. “She is pinned against the shelves behind her. And the camera shows this detail when he thrusts in…” I swallow, suddenly parched, my arousal pooling between my thighs.

“A detail?” Declan rasps, his pupils large, making his eyes even darker than usual.

I swallow again. “He weaves his fingers through hers and holds her arm up, above her head.”

It’s a minor detail that makes the entire scene more intimate. Like their connection is beyond the act itself.

“And she tells him she loves him,” he murmurs.

Shit. I didn’t plan on going there, and I didn’t know he’d watched the movie. And why would he remember that part?

I stand up, panicked, and glance at the door like I’m scouting exit routes. Am I? I guess my newfound confidence has its limits.

Declan must have the same thought because he lunges at me, whipping us around. “I don’t have a ladder.” He holds my hands behind me, walking me backward.

“Oh…” This man keeps reducing me to monosyllables. An achievement given my tendency to blabber.

My back hits the bookshelves.

Declan hooks his foot on a stool beside the shelf and drags it closer. He lifts me and thrusts his hips forward, pinning me, while he guides my foot to the chair. “This will have to do.”

He raises both my hands above my head, imprisoning my wrists in his large hand. I’m completely at his mercy. I guess that’s what I wanted.

“Tell me exactly what you want, little Seagull.” His whisper is almost threatening. In response, my body quivers with desire.

With his leg, he pushes my knee farther up, spreading me wider. Without warning, he pushes two fingers inside me. The stretch is nothing compared to his cock, but he already learned the perfect angle.

The moan that leaves me is desperate and impatient.

“So wet for me. So ready. What is it you would like to do against my library, Seagull? And think well, because unlike in the movie, we won’t get interrupted. Nobody can save you.”

His words should scare me. I’ve been threatened before, but I recognize there is a promise behind his threat. A promise that will only bring me pleasure.

Now would be the time to remind him we can indeed be interrupted, but I can’t find the reason. It dissolves into nothing when this man has his hands on me.

“I want you to fuck me with your fingers. I want to come all over your hand. ”

“That’s a good girl.” He inserts another finger.

I’m wild with need, but I think my inability to move heightens my arousal. I yank my hands, trying to free them.

He tuts. “You thought you could come here teasing me and not bear the consequences?”

“I came here to be fucked,” I quip.

“And I’m more than happy to oblige, little Seagull.” He seizes my lips in a bruising kiss. “You thought you could drive me wild getting yourself off with that pathetic vibrator of yours? As if this pussy didn’t belong to me.”

He moves with urgency, hitting the right spot. I practically hang suspended from his large palm, my leg all wobbly on the stool. I find purchase on the shelf with my other foot, my thigh leaning over Declan’s.

The man is strong. I bite his shoulder to stifle my moans while he fucks me relentlessly with his hand.

“Whose pussy is this?” he growls, crooking his fingers.

“Yours,” I pant, and a freight train of an orgasm rams through me, jerking through every fiber of my body.

Declan lets go of my wrists, and my arms fall to his shoulders. He snakes his hand under my ass, and I instinctively wrap my legs around him .

Spent in his arms, I kiss his jaw, his neck, his collarbone, the L word on the tip of my tongue.

But as much as I’m ready to speak up more around him, I don’t think he’s ready to go there. I don’t think I’m ready to bear the consequences of such a declaration.

“I need to be inside you, Lily.”

“I need you inside me.”

“I need to get the condom from the bedroom.”

The idea of him leaving me here all vulnerable, even for a brief second, feels unbearable. It’s irrational, but my hormone-laced mind can’t cope with the idea. “Don’t. I’m clean.”

He tilts his head to look at me. “Me too. Are you sure?”

“I want to feel you. I’m on the shot.”

He narrows his eyes. “Fuck, Lily. What am I going to do with you?”

He reaches between us, and in one swift move, my back is pressed against the shelves again, and his cock stretches my inner walls, drawing a moan from me.

He covers my mouth with his hand. “You have to be quiet, Seagull.” His speech is labored. “Eyes on me.”

The books rattle as he rams into me, holding my gaze. With his hand across my mouth, I’m barely getting any oxygen, and all my senses heighten, completely immersed in this moment .

In this man.

In our connection.

Declan doesn’t let up, relentlessly chasing our release while he doesn’t look away once. It’s unnerving and exhilarating at the same time. It’s like he fucks me with his cock but is making love to me with his eyes.

The intimacy sizzles, scaring me, but also deepening our bond.

“Who do you belong to, Lily?” he grits out, barely hanging onto his control.

“You,” I mumble into his hand.

I know it’s only bedroom talk, but my entire being wishes it was the truth. That he would claim me outside of our little cocoon.

“We’ll go for ice cream to celebrate the end of school,” I announce as we’re finishing family dinner.

The weather has eased up in the last few days, breathing reasonable temperatures through sizzling Manhattan. The breeze is so pleasant that I set up our meal on the terrace.

“I have good news, Zach,” Declan says, putting his hand on my thigh under the table.

Zach looks up, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “Yes? ”

“I talked to your coach, and he understands you will be pursuing other interests.”

Zach smiles. “Thank you, Dad.”

“I also got you a few lessons with the best piano teacher in New York.”

“Dope,” he exclaims, but then looks at me like he’s seeking permission.

I pierce the strawberry in my salad, trying to calm my heart. “It’s a great opportunity for you, Zach. Besides, I can’t teach you more.” I lean over the table. “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re already better than me,” I fake-whisper to him.

My eyes meet Declan’s. A smile lingers on his face as he squeezes my thigh.