Page 20 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

Declan

“ A re we still waiting for Cal?” Corm asks, rocking in his office chair.

“Yes, we need him for this conversation.” Roxy doesn’t even look up, typing.

“Why are you working from home, Declan?” Xander pops something in his mouth. Does he always eat?

“Has your nanny quit on you again?” Corm teases, knowing full well, if that were the case, he would have heard it from Saar already.

“That would be a shame. Isn’t she into knife-play?” Xander stuffs his face again.

How does he even know about the incident? How is it that in a company that deals in confidential information, and one that keeps so many corporate and financial secrets, our personal lives seem to be common knowledge?

“Fuck you,” I spit and glare, knowing that the effect is muted by the screen.

“Come on, that was funny.” Corm snorts.

He wasn’t laughing when his sleeping in the office to avoid Saar became the topic of the water-cooler conversation.

“Am I laughing?” I growl.

“What did I miss?” Cal’s face appears on the screen, and he looks like he hasn’t showered, shaved, or changed his shirt in weeks.

“Dick comparing,” Roxy mutters.

“We were discussing how Declan got stabbed by his nanny.” Xander’s shit-eating grin fills the screen.

“Oh, I thought that was a secret.” Cal looks confused.

He knows as well? Fuck.

“Perhaps we can proceed with the actual point of this call.” I tap my fingers on the table, my eyes gliding to my phone where the downstairs security feed shows Lily preparing a snack.

Yeah, I’m that fucker who tells her I’m exercising my common sense and restraint, and then I continue to cyberstalk her.

When she didn’t come immediately after the school drop-off, I worried for a moment that I might have scared away the first suitable nanny I’d had in years.

Fuck.

As much as I try, I barely hang onto my control around the woman. I adjusted my schedule to cross paths with her as little as possible. It wasn’t enough. Just the knowledge that she’s been here every day continues to feed my fantasies.

I couldn’t get her out of my system even if I tried.

“Declan?” Corm’s voice snaps me back to the meeting.

“Is the nanny playing with the knife again?” Xander snickers.

“You fucking mention her again, and I swear to God you will be the one needing stitches.” Second time today I exhibit a lack of control.

I’ve never threatened one of my colleagues. Xander has been testing me, but I’ve never stooped to his level of razzing. Nor have I ever taken his bait. Fuck.

The silence on the line is loud, hammering in my temples with a relentless pulse.

“Okay, now, when the informal part of the agenda is over—and thank God for that—” Roxy’s voice carries an unwarranted amount of cheer. “Let’s talk about the London office before I’m forced to send you all into a timeout.”

A wailing siren rips through the house .

“For fuck’s sake.” Corm sighs.

Shit. I forgot about the planned fire drill. “Sorry, it’ll go off in a minute.”

I glance at my phone and, fuck—

Ripping my headphones off, I disconnect the call without any explanation and run out of my office. I skid down the stairs, almost tripping over my own feet.

The sight in front of me is heart-attack-inducing, even though I don’t understand what’s going on.

Lily is shaking on the floor, covering her ears, her entire body curled in on itself. Shards of glass glitter in the afternoon light, water pooling across the floor.

I take this in in a second, still unsure what the hell I’m looking at.

The fire alarm keeps blaring overhead. “Lily,” I yell.

No reaction. Not even a flinch. She is rocking back and forth. I want to approach her, but the scar on my arm proves she may act on instinct.

I don’t mind getting hurt, but what if she hurts herself? If she moves, she may get cut.

Fuck, I hate being useless, powerless. “Lily!” My voice is sharp, cutting through the noise, but she continues acting like she’s in the middle of a goddamn war zone.

I take a step closer, glass crunching under my soles.

I crouch, trying to catch her gaze. Fuck. My pulse skyrockets and then drops as I will myself to stop panicking and focus.

Lily’s eyes are unfocused, wild, her chest rising and falling too fast. She’s somewhere else. Not here. Not in the present.

I force my hands to stay at my sides, even though every instinct screams at me to reach for her, to shake her out of whatever Hell she’s trapped in.

“Lily,” I say again, softer this time, controlled. “You’re okay. It’s just the drill alarm. It’s not real.”

She doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. Her fingers dig into her scalp like she’s trying to claw herself out of her own head.

Instinct sharpens my focus. I need to get her out of this. I reach for her hands first, gently prying them away from her ears. The second my fingers touch her skin, she jerks violently, her breathing ragged.

“Hey, it’s me,” I say, my voice firm but steady. “You’re safe. It’s just a drill. That’s all.”

Her lips part like she wants to speak, but all that comes out is a fractured gasp. Her shoulders heave with each breath, her pupils so blown out her eyes look nearly black.

I should have turned the damn alarm off before coming down here.

“There is no fire?” she finally whispers, her voice hoarse, barely audible over the wailing siren .

“No fire. Let me turn the sound off.” But I don’t move yet. She still looks like she’s seconds from shattering into as many pieces as the glass surrounding her.

Instead, I shift. “Look at me.”

She struggles, her gaze flickering, but she does. Barely.

“Breathe with me,” I say. “In.” I exaggerate the inhaling, slow and deep, holding it for a second before letting it out in a controlled exhalation. “Now you.”

Her first attempt is shaky, uneven, but it’s something.

“Again,” I say. “Nice and slow.”

Another breath. Still choppy, but better. The shaking of her hands is less violent.

I nod, reinforcing the progress. “Good. Keep going.”

Three more breaths and she’s still tense, but she’s here. With me.

I glance at the broken glass, irritation spiking at the thought of her sitting in the middle of it. “Can you move?”

She blinks, looking down like she’s noticing the mess for the first time. “I-I don’t know.”

Before she can panic again, I shift forward and slide an arm beneath her legs, the other behind her back.

“There is no fire?” Her voice wobbles as I lift her.

“No fire, baby. Relax. I’ve got you.” I keep my voice even, but my grip firm.

She’s stiff at first, but after a moment she curls into my chest, her hands gripping my shirt like she’s anchoring herself.

At least the fucking alarm is off finally. I carry her upstairs and lower her on to the bed in her room. Well, the guest room technically, but ever since that one time she slept here, I started referring to it as Lily’s room.

Her breathing is more even now, but she looks wrecked—like she’s been pulled out of deep water and still isn’t sure if she’s drowning.

“Can I get you anything?” I ask, and hesitate; I’m not ready to leave her alone.

“I’m fine,” she whispers, though her voice cracks. She’s not fine.

“Let me get you a glass of water. Stay put.” I stride to the bathroom.

When I return with a full glass, she has her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, fingers twisting into the fabric of her sleeves.

She takes the water from me, avoiding my gaze. She gulps down the whole thing and puts the glass on the nightstand. “I thought there was a fire.”

“And your reaction was to stay put and not move?”

She flinches, her lips pressing together.

I exhale through my nose, forcing patience. “Lily. ”

She closes her eyes for a beat, then opens them again. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Her jaw clenches, but she’s still pale, her hands still trembling slightly in her lap.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, but we will.”

I’m not letting this one go. This may not be the time, but I still don’t understand why she sleeps with a knife. And whatever just happened, it was more than panic. That was intense fear. And I want to know why.

She scrambles from the bed, her movements still wobbly. “I need to go pick up Zach.”

She must be still disoriented.

“Zach has his soccer practice today.”

The sigh that escapes her is almost a groan or a whimper. Is she hurt? Did I miss something? There was broken glass. I skim my gaze down her body, her naked legs, her white T-shirt. She doesn’t seem hurt.

“He doesn’t have soccer today.” She stands up and stumbles.

I grip her elbow, steadying her. “Lily, I think you need to rest. Zach quite definitely has soccer.” Gently, I push her to sit at the edge of the bed.

“Not today,” she repeats, tears gleaming in her eyes.

“Was it canceled? I didn’t get notified—”

“Declan, let me just do my job. Thank you for helping me before. I’m sorry I panicked, and even more sorry you had to witness that. I’m perfectly fine.”

“I call bullshit. Rest, and I’ll pick up the kids. You just had a…” Shit, I don’t know how to name it. “Just rest.”

“Just don’t be mad at him,” she blurts before I reach the door.

“At Zach?” I frown. “Explain.” It’s a command that is perhaps a bit too harsh, given what she’s just gone through.

But when it comes to my kids, I struggle to maintain reason at times. Especially when I am clearly in the dark.

Kendra kept me in the dark about her real feelings and motivations. I don’t allow anyone else to do that.

Lily flinches, her face veiled with fatigue, but as the fighter she is, she pushes to stand.

“He doesn’t want to play soccer, so I allowed him to skip today’s practice until he talks to you.

But before you get mad, be mad at me. I should have discussed it with you first, but this morning, I… well, after this morning—”

“Enough.”

She startles, but when she blabbers from anxiety, there is no other way to snap her out of it.

At the same time, I’m unreasonably grateful for her current word expulsion, because at least it gives me hope she’s feeling better .

“Declan—”

“Lily, please, just fucking be a good girl and rest. I will respect your unwarranted promise to my son, but just fucking stop talking and stay put.”

I march out of her room and barrel into my office. Snatching my phone, I call my driver. I text my assistant to cancel my afternoon calls. I wanted to spend time with the kids today, after all.

I have seven missed calls from Cormac and three from Roxy. Shit. I completely forgot I bailed in the middle of our call.

As I dash downstairs, I dial my brother to prevent myself from checking on Lily.

“What the fuck? Is everyone okay?” Corm answers after the first ring.

If only I knew. “Yes, it was just a drill alarm, but Lily didn’t know and got scared.”

He hums like there is more to that information. Fucker with his sixth sense.

“Did you agree on the next steps?” I focus on business while getting into the elevator.

“While we still hope you’ll change your mind and move to London for a year, for now we approved a change in the budget to account for an outside hire. Roxy is working with the recruiter to bring us names to vet.”

“Good, because I’m not moving.” I get to the underground garage and nod to my driver before sliding onto the backseat of my Escalade.

“It’s a shame, but I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s with you and Lily?”