Page 30 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

Declan

“ L et the city hear you, Lily. Come for me.”

Her hands are on the banister as I’m taking her from behind, practically holding her up, her body used and spent.

Maybe I’m too hard on her. I should have taken her to my bed and let her rest after the first time.

But I’m a weak man when it comes to her. I gave her a break for all of ten minutes before I had to bury myself in her again.

No control. No fucking control.

I was half-hard all evening watching her in that stupid dress, and restraining myself from either pouncing on her or punching every fucking asshole who ogled her.

When I arranged the weekend at my mom’s for the kids, I told myself it was to get some time to catch up on work and on the genealogy project. I kept telling that to myself, hoping I would believe it.

I failed miserably, and when I saw her coming down in that dress, all made up, no longer hiding, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she would be mine this weekend.

I had to pretend to stare at my phone because I wanted to grab her hand and drag her out of Cal’s house and straight to my bed.

And still, the fool that I am, I was telling myself it’s only for this one time. She is so young, innocent, so vibrant… But that story got old too quickly. I needed to have her. Her warmth calls to me like she is the only fire on Earth.

It’s not enough to have her here in secret. It’s not.

I have tried my best to resist her, to do right by her. But I’m done. Lily is mine, and I will do anything to keep her. And everything to make it up to her.

“You take me so well, baby.”

The blush on her face when I asked her to speak up about her desires… Fuck, her confession that she’s only been with one man… It made me even harder instantly. Like I could be her one and only.

Like I could offer her that. I can’t. But I’m unable to stop anymore. I’ll have to find a way.

“Declan, Declan, Dec…” she chants, and my name on her lips does it for me, and I unload, my release so strong I almost drop to the ground.

Instead, I scoop her to me and turn to lean on the cold, stone balustrade. She fidgets to wrap her arms around my waist and rest her head contentedly on my chest. And in my mind, I can see us like this every day, all the days far into the future.

I banish the thought immediately, because it’s a silly, orgasm-induced fantasy. One that could never happen. If nothing else, then on account of my kids. It’s not like I would want to get rid of them every weekend.

I may want Lily, but how available am I really?

Depressed by this line of thoughts, I discard the condom unceremoniously on the ground and pick her up bridal-style before I walk inside.

“Where are we going?” She smiles at me, her just-fucked, flushed face and swollen lips already rushing blood to my cock.

“Bedroom. I’m pretty sure they heard you in Brooklyn.” I carry her up the stairs.

Her eyes widen, and she covers her mouth, but then she catches herself and swats at me. “It’s all your fault. I might have a sore throat tomorrow.”

A pang of guilt grips me. “I went too hard on you.” I kick the door to my bedroom open.

“I loved it.” She beams at me, and I almost drop her from the sheer overwhelment. This woman will be the death of me.

“You’re trouble.” I put her down gently in my bathroom.

She looks down and bites her lip. “I didn’t disappoint you? I mean…I know you’re used to women who are… and I hope you…”

Fuck, the way she sways between bursts of confidence and bouts of self-doubt is infuriating. But also so raw and real. The fact she doesn’t pretend in front of me. Doesn’t act. She just is.

All her smiles, giggles, verbal diarrhea, chin-ups, and lost gazes. All of her. So fucking genuine.

I step into her space and take her face into my hands, lowering my lips to hers. I don’t take her mouth like before, desperate for a connection, feeding my own desires.

I kiss her to tell her how perfect she is. How much I respect and admire her. How grateful I am for her role in my life.

She snakes her hands around my waist, wrapping herself tighter around me. The quiet intimacy of our kiss is almost scary, opening my chest wide, making me vulnerable and exposed. But also making me whole and invincible.

It’s a strange feeling. Like I want to bring the stars to her feet and protect her at all costs. At the same time, I know, at this moment, that whatever happens tomorrow, my life will never be the same.

That everything led to this moment, when a girl who offered to marry me became my wife. Whether she’s ready for it or not.

“What was that for?” she asks me, breathless.

“You can’t ever disappoint me, Lily.”

All her muscles tense in my embrace, and something akin to fear flashes through her face. Fuck, I’m scaring her with my premature declarations.

“Your pussy fits perfectly around my cock,” I add, to make my words less severe for her.

A smile tugs at her lips. “I will get better at this.”

“At your dirty talk? Yeah, we need to work on that.” I walk to the shower and turn the water on, testing the temperature with my hand.

Lily comes and kisses my back. I bow my head, the stream beating down my shoulders. I want to make her see how much she already means to me, but I need to remember who we are. She’s a decade-younger woman, who needed money and helped me out.

Yes, the chemistry is off the charts between us, but for her, it’s probably just that. Getting experience with an older man. Something she can get out of this period in her life before she moves on.

“I want to be the woman you deserve.” She puts her hands on my shoulders .

When it comes to the two of us, our preconceptions are wrong.

And here she is proving that theory right. “Lily,” I grit out, and turn to face her.

Beads of water roll down her face and her body, and she looks so fragile and strong at the same time, my chest expands with blissful pain.

“Don’t worry, I understand nobody can know about us, and that ‘us’ may last this weekend only, but you make me feel beautiful, cared for. You make me feel safe, and I haven’t felt safe for a very long time. I want to reciprocate.”

She reaches between us and grips my cock. I should stop her. I should tell her she means more to me than sex. I should be as brave as she is and tell her how she makes me feel.

Instead, I drop to my knees and kiss her between her thighs, and then I trail kisses up her torso, over the scarred tissue. “You’re beautiful.”

She whimpers. “Declan.”

My name was on her lips before she gripped my cock, but this time it grips my heart. “Let me take care of you.” The words scrape my throat like sandpaper.

“Declan,” she sighs, her voice cracking the same way mine is.

I stand up and cup her face. “But you can never be the woman I deserve. ”

Her eyebrows pull together, creasing her forehead. She swallows visibly, and her bottom lip trembles slightly before she presses it into a firm line. “I see,” she rasps.

I kiss her forehead. “No, you don’t. I could never deserve you, little Seagull. I already told you, I’m not a good man.”

She smiles, and the clouds over the conversation lift immediately. “I think you’re a good man, Declan Quinn. But maybe we can be bad for each other and enjoy the hell out of it.”

And as much as I wanted to give her a break and let her rest, I pounce, lifting her. Her back hits the wall, and she laughs.

But that beautiful sound morphs into a moan when I reach between us and push one finger into her tight pussy.

“You have quite some stamina for an older man.”

Lily takes a bite of a sandwich I made for her, because her attempt failed. Did she grow up in a house without a kitchen? How she survived this long is beyond me.

“I’m not old.” I elbow her and lean in to have a bite .

“Hey.” She turns to protect her food. “Wasn’t that your key argument against this?”

I smear mayo on a slice of bread to make my own late dinner. “The argument was you’re too young.”

She watches me making my food, munching contentedly. “Sometimes I feel very old.”

“I feel like I’m a hundred most days. Maybe I needed your youth to forget that.”

Her eyes sparkle with mischief. “That must be it. A confetti fight?”

I laugh. I laughed so much tonight, it will last me for the rest of my days. I don’t even know if I ever laughed before Lily came into my life.

“A pillow fight?” she teases. With her hair mussed, sitting naked in my kitchen, she is so fucking sexy, I want to freeze the moment.

“I can spank you. That would be a good game.” I put my sandwich down, and her eyes flash with something that looks like excitement. Fuck me.

“Maybe not tonight, but I’ll get there.” She takes my glass of whiskey and wets her lips, watching me through her lashes, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

How did I get this lucky? Her curiosity is such a fucking turn-on. But it doesn’t strip me of my guilt. “Are you very sore?”

“A little.” She slides down and takes her plate to the dishwasher. She slams it against a bowl and the plate cracks. “Shit.” She jumps back.

I’m grabbing her hand immediately. “Did you cut yourself?” I fucking train daily, but my heart is not ready for these spikes.

“No. It just split in two.” She giggles, showing me the two broken parts of the plate. “I’m sorry. I keep destroying your kitchen.”

“Sometimes I wonder if those glasses don’t need real lenses.” I shake my head.

She looks away, her eyes darting around, before she decides not to respond and goes to discard the plate.

I close the dishwasher and take my whiskey. I wish she trusted me with her secret. Her fake glasses. Her scars.

Seemingly lost in her thoughts, she steps to the window wall. I join her, passing her the glass, and she takes a sip. I like this sharing whiskey with her. I love it.

“I like sharing whiskey with you,” she says, and something dislodges in my chest.

We watch the city in silence, sipping the amber liquid.

“I don’t want to ruin the moment, but when you said you feel safe with me…” I start, and she sighs. It’s a heavy sigh, and I want to make it lighter for her.