Page 21 of A Convenient Secret (Merged #3)

Declan

I freeze. “What do you mean?”

“You dropping the call without explanation to rush and help her during a false alarm comes to mind.”

“It was a real alarm drill, and she thought there was a fire. Your point?”

“No point. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

I groan, resting my head on the backrest of my seat. “I don’t know. As much as I try to stay away from her, I… I don’t know. I need to get laid, I guess.”

“Look, bro, I’m the first one to cheer your attempt to get out there finally, but don’t complicate things. She is my wife’s friend, and your nanny.”

“I know.” I sigh. “I swear, I’m going to take one of the divorcees’ offers tonight. Is Saar coming with you?”

He snorts. “Is the Earth turning?”

For the first time since my brother settled down, a pang of envy rakes through me. Like he has something I will never have. Something I didn’t even know I may still want.

“Zach, you committed to your team, and when you skip the practice, you let them down.”

We sit on his bed, me still in my tux, arriving from the stupid function at ten. I bailed on the event pretty much after the first hour.

Corm laughed at me, barely stopping himself from making a nanny comment.

Xander held his tongue this time. There was business to be dealt with and people to schmooze, but I needed to be back home.

I found Zach still playing with his airplane.

He nods, not looking at me. “I won’t do it again.”

Sighing, I put my arm on his shoulder. “I understand Lily allowed you to skip the practice—”

“Don’t be mad at her. She told me I need to talk to you.”

As if I could be mad at Lily. And yet I’m agitated by her presence, constantly. “And she was right. So you don’t feel like playing anymore?”

He leans forward, bracing himself with his elbows on his thighs. After what feels like half an hour of silent deliberation, he sighs. “I’ll play, Dad. I just didn’t feel like it today. I’m sorry.”

“Zach, sometimes I don’t feel like doing something. Life is full of instances when we would rather skip things, but we don’t always have the luxury to do so.”

“Okay.”

“When you commit to something, people rely on you, buddy. You need to rise to the responsibility, respect their time, and not let them down.”

He nods. “Can I play now?”

I ruffle his hair. “It’s a school night. You should get some rest.”

Helping him to climb under his covers, I kiss his forehead. “Good night.”

“I love you, Dad.”

Those words break and mend my heart every single time. “I love you, too, buddy.”

By the time I get next door, Zoya is fast asleep. I watch her for a moment before I leave the room, yanking my tie loose.

Movement to my right grabs my attention. Lily is coming up the stairs wearing pink pajama pants and an oversized hoodie. She looks like a college student in that getup, and my depraved cock awakens.

I glare at her like it’s her fault she stirs up the animal side of me .

“How was your date?” she asks.

“What?”

She rolls her eyes. She fucking rolls her eyes at me. “Never mind.”

“Has Zoya made up a date again?” I groan.

My daughter watched some stupid—and certainly age-inappropriate—romantic comedy at Saar’s and decided a date would make me happy.

“Good night.” Lily turns toward her room.

“Can we talk?” Without waiting, I start toward my office.

She sighs and follows. I walk to my desk and lean against it as I undo the top buttons of my shirt. Pulling the bow tie off, I put it in my pocket.

Lily enters and stays by the door. I’ve half a mind to eat the distance between us and fuck her against the door, her legs around my waist while her tits bounce in her large sweatshirt.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me you were in a debate club?” I chuckle.

She frowns. “What?”

I nod toward her and tap my chest to where her Stanford Debate Club logo is.

Puzzled, she looks at her jumper. “Oh, it’s not mine.” She shakes her head. “I mean, I was more of a cheerleader. ”

Why do I again feel like she’s hiding something? “What happened today, Lily?”

“I would prefer not to talk about it. As I said, I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

I put my hands into my pockets because, at this point, I need any form of restraint when around her.

“I want to be sure you can take care of my kids if something like this happens again.” Not my proudest argument, but fuck, her secrecy pushes my buttons. More than her allure.

Her gaze flashes with anger, igniting a blush all over her face. “Really? You’re going to pull the safety of your kids card? That’s a low blow even for you.”

What does she mean, even for me? “You’re giving me no choice. You seem to have PTSD. You sleep with a knife.” As usual, I don’t even realize before I cross the room to stand in front of her.

“I was trapped in a room during a fire. Happy now?” She pants, and I’m not sure if it’s a reaction to her confession or to my sudden closeness.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” I guess it doesn’t explain everything, but seeing the glimmer in her eyes, I feel like an asshole.

At the same time, something awakens in me, and I have an overwhelming need to protect her.

“Is that all?” She gives me her bratty look, her chin high .

I’m a reasonable man. A man who prides himself on the level of control I exude. A man who speaks only when he has something to contribute.

None of those familiar attributes count when Lily is in my vicinity. With her, I’m a man who loses any sense of propriety or reason.

“It’s not all. Let’s talk about Zach. You’re not authorized to change his schedule, let alone let him ditch.”

“He wasn’t ditching. I allowed him to take a break. I encouraged him to talk to you.”

“I’ve just talked to him, and he will continue playing soccer.” My voice is unreasonably vehement. I’m not even sure why I’m arguing with her.

She jerks her head back. “He will?”

“Of course he will. He needed to be reminded of his commitment.”

She fucking rolls her eyes at me again. “Really? Did you ask him what he would like to do instead? Have you ever asked him what he wants to do? Or did you just schedule all the activities to keep them busy? To fill their time the way it suits you.”

“Don’t you dare challenge my parenting! You know nothing about our circumstances.”

“Don’t I? Because, sometimes, it feels like you make decisions to ease your burden. A selfish decision without considering their wishes.”

“You judge me? You’ve been here for three weeks, and you know better how to run my family?”

“Your family doesn’t need to be run. They need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need to know they can come to you when they have a problem.”

We glare at each other, panting. This seems to already be a wearily familiar situation. Her sweatshirt brushes my shirt. Her eyes glare with frustration.

The same frustration that is running through my veins. I want to strangle her, punish her, kiss her senseless.

“Just don’t encourage my son to skip his obligations,” I grit out through a clenched jaw, hoping we can both step away from this.

“Did you know Zach didn’t want to talk to you about soccer because he didn’t want to disappoint you?”

If she slapped me, it would sting less. I grind my teeth, my hands shaking. “Fuck.”

I step away, turning my back to her. I hang my head, my world crumbling again as another failure joins the rest of my inadequacies.

A warm hand connects with my skin through my shirt, and I shudder. Lily’s touch on my back is comforting, like I’ve just learned to breathe again.

“Declan,” she whispers, her voice full of compassion. Compassion I don’t deserve .

“I’m trying my best.” I hate how whiny that admission sounds.

“And your kids love you and respect you. They want to be like you. Especially Zach. Just make sure he still remains himself. That he knows you respect his choices.”

I don’t ever want her to remove her hand from my back. It’s like she is recharging my batteries, uploading a new operating system, and making sure I can function for a bit longer.

“Thank you.” I turn slowly, even though it means I’m losing her touch.

Her smile hits me like an arrow to my heart. I just yelled at her, and she comforted me in return.

“Lily—”

“It’s okay, Declan. I understand where I made the mistake. I promise to be a good girl.”

We freeze. She didn’t aim for a double entendre, but fuck if she didn’t just awaken the beast in me. She must realize the slip, because heat rushes to her cheeks, and her eyes pop out.

I should just ignore it, glance over her slip-up, but my cock has different ideas. He wants a good girl.

I move closer, pushing away all thoughts of propriety. A distant inner voice warns me. I can’t afford to lose another nanny. Especially not one my kids have accepted. One that complements my family in the best ways. But I tune out that fucker as if Lily is the only woman in the world.

And for a brief second, I allow myself to believe she is.

Because for me, she is the only woman.

I step forward, and she steps back, her back hitting the door. I don’t allow her any personal space, the suggestion of her body under her clothes enough for me to lose my mind.

“You want to be a good girl for me, little Seagull?”

Her eyes widen, mixed with innocence and curiosity. It’s such a turn-on.

My hand skims her rib cage through the thick cotton of the sweatshirt, slowly brushing the swell of her breast up to her neck. I wrap my fingers around that delicate column. Not squeezing—just needing to feel her pulse flutter.

What I find is an erratic beat. For a moment I worry I scared her, but her eyes tell a different story.

And then she nods, licking her lips, and I stifle a groan.

“You’re not a good girl though, Lily. Far from it. Just this morning, we agreed to keep our distance.” I trace her chin with my thumb.

“Are you referring to your monologue? Because I didn’t agree to anything.” She bites her lips, stripping me of my last bit of restraint .

Grinding against her, I fuse my lips with hers.

She moans and wraps her leg around mine. Fuck. She should stop this. I should stop this.

To the soundtrack of those thoughts, I thrust my tongue into her beautiful mouth. Holding her leg in place, I reluctantly leave her throat and move my hand down, skimming her breast again, wishing I had the patience to spend more time there.

But I resisted this temptation for too long, so I go straight for her waistband. Lily cups my nape, pulling me closer, our bodies flush.

I groan when I dip my hand inside her pants. “You’ve been walking around with a bare pussy, little Seagull? You’re just determined to drive me insane.”

“Maybe,” she says, so sweetly I almost come in my pants.

My fingers graze her between her thighs, and she moans. “Fuck, I need this sweet pussy.”

“I thought one of us needed to be responsible,” she taunts me.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask, but at the same time I circle her sensitive bud, and she arches into me.

“God, no, Declan, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

“Tell me what you want, baby.” I massage her clit, my cock painfully straining against my pants.

She looks at me with so much desire and trust in her eyes, I almost bolt, sure I don’t deserve her. But I’m too far gone to do the noble thing.

I seize her lips, not allowing either of us to lean into reason.

The voice of reason comes from outside the door. “Daddy!”