Page 6 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)
WILLA
T ypically, Ethan and Christian would be heading in the same direction as them, but Ethan needed to pick up cat food on his way home, and Christian was in physical therapy.
“My hips hurt. Do your hips hurt?” Willa asked Sahar.
Sahar grinned cheekily. “You know, I’m partly jealous you have the intensity of ‘Forbidden Corridors’ as one of your numbers but also not.”
Willa maneuvered awkwardly down the stairs. “It feels like a truck ran into me. I don’t even know how that’s possible. It’s not that rigorous.”
“It’s not that rigorous, she says when Josie called it one of the most grueling pieces she’s ever choreographed,” Sahar noted.
Willa groaned, stretching quickly as they got to the bottom of the subway stairs. “I call dibs on a shower first, please.”
“Take your time, boo. I’m going straight for a nap.”
“Did the prick text you?” Willa inquired.
Sahar shook her head, sadness creeping its way onto her expression. “Nope.”
“You tell me when, and I’ll kill him. ”
“No need for murder, but I’ll take all the distractions,” she said, moving aside to place her phone against the turnstile.
Willa stepped in after her. Two seats were luckily available, so they sat side by side. Sahar laid her head against Willa’s shoulder. “Why am I such shit at picking men? I swear it. I’m never dating another actor again.”
“Okay, you know where I stand with my rule, but it’s not the actors that are the problem. It’s dumbasses who can’t see your worth.”
Sahar sighed quietly. Willa knew this wasn’t over yet.
He’d likely come groveling, she’d take him back, then he’d piss her off again, and the cycle would repeat.
She could never understand why Sahar would put up with it, but then again, Willa admired the risks Sahar took, wishing she could be like that when it came to love.
Willa’s phone vibrated on her bed while she was drawing on eyeliner. Like his company, Ethan’s name on her lock screen would perpetually elicit a joy she couldn’t put into words. Something familiar and warm.
ETHAN
Would you hate me if I bailed tonight?
A sense of gloom eclipsed her excitement with dark clouds and spattered onto her like heavy droplets of rain.
She could never hate him, but now that it was no longer just the girls, his absence would be palpable.
She’d feel it in the same way she did at her brother’s wedding during quiet moments in the night when she’d looked around the venue in longing.
WILLA
Of course not. You alright?
ETHAN
Yeah, just a bad tension headache crept up and painkillers aren’t doing jack.
WILLA
??
Is there anything I can do?
ETHAN
Have fun and make it home safe.
WILLA
I meant for you.
ETHAN
Your joy is my joy.
WILLA
And your well-being is mine.
Three dots came and went for a solid minute. It was maddening.
ETHAN
The feeling is mutual.
Ugh. What did she expect? Willa needed to pull herself together. These emotions were starting to get weird as hell.
She needed a drink, or three, maybe four.
She needed to stop thinking of him as anything more than her best friend.
She had to stick to her beliefs and remember that he was an actor at the end of the day.
And she’d sworn to herself that she’d never date one because she wanted a partner whose life would be a bit more stable than hers.
Someone who would balance her chaotic career .
The bar was noisier than usual and more packed, too, which was odd with no game on an arbitrary Tuesday. And, in an unsurprising turn of events, her feelings wouldn’t let her be.
Coming here was a bad idea. Three gin and tonics were a bad idea, while the fourth sitting in front of her, which was now tempting her with its invisible crystal claws, was shaping up to be another.
Willa was indebted to her dad’s genes and the ability to hold her liquor but not so grateful for her mother’s sensitive nature.
She averted her eyes toward the wooden pole where Miles stood, hitting it off with the guy who’d been gazing at him all night before Willa and Christian made him walk over to start a conversation.
She felt herself growing a bit envious over the possibility that they’d probably go home together, spend a delightfully solid night rolling around in sheets, and then maybe tomorrow they’d get coffee together.
Maybe coffee would turn into dinner when they were free, and dinner would turn into late nights curled up on the sofa.
Another happily ever after unfolding in front of her while she pined like an utter buffoon over her best friend.
She felt icky and selfish and sad. Miles deserved every bit of happiness in the world.
She was thrilled for him, wholeheartedly wanting this to work out even if her emotions were all over the place.
The night turned sour so quickly, too, as she sat in a swarming bar where they were supposed to be comforting Sahar instead of watching the prince of pricks intrude and beg for her forgiveness.
She should’ve just left when Sam and Priya did. There was no need for her to be here anymore. Ugh , but she also didn’t want to abandon Sahar until she was certain she would be going home with the prick.
Christian poked her hand resting on the table. “Penny for your thoughts. ”
Willa sighed, speaking before her brain could counter against sharing some of her more personal thoughts. “Why is everyone paired up? Have you noticed it? I’m quite literally the only single person in the cast.”
He pouted apologetically. “You and Ethan, actually. But also, does it make you feel any better that my fiancé is in LA and won’t be back for another ten months because of his schedule?”
She placed the glass in front of her mouth and sipped. She hated feeling this way. “No, because you still get to talk to him every night. Gah, I’m sorry for sounding like such a whiny little shit. I’m just sad. I shouldn’t have drunk this much.”
She pushed the glass away from her. She and alcohol should only mingle when her headspace was kinder.
“You’re good, Wills. I’ve been there, too. Before Dan, I was the only single person in every friend group for three years. It made me so damn cranky, and I was thoroughly convinced I was cursed to be alone forever.”
Christian’s empathy was genuine. At the very least, it was apparent that he didn’t think she was a horrible person for her feelings.
“Dan’s an absolute peach. You two are perfect together.” She pointed toward Miles. “And those two are too hot for words, so we’ve got to make sure it works out.”
Christian smiled with understanding.
Willa sighed. “I need to get home. I’m going to see if Sahar will come. If not, would you wait outside with me while I get a lift?”
“I’ll head out with you,” he answered.
Willa stood up and veered through a crowd of rowdy college students to get to the corner where Sahar stood with the prick.
She stepped right in between them, not caring a lick about his feelings, and placed her hands on Sahar’s shoulders.
“Are you going to stay with him? I don’t think I can hang anymore.
Plus, we have an early morning tomorrow,” she whispered.
Sahar concurred. “No, I’ll come with you. Give me two minutes.”
“I’ll be waiting outside with Christian.”
She turned away and moved toward Miles, debating whether to cut in on their conversation to say bye. Instead, he caught her nearness and pulled her in for a side hug.
“Heading out?” he asked.
She bobbed her head and smiled amiably at the man whose name she still didn’t know. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she declared. “Goodnight, you two.”
“Get home safe, Wills,” Miles added.
She stepped outside to where Christian stood, his hands tucked in his pockets. “Is our girl coming?”
Willa nodded and shivered slightly. The late winter night pierced with a subtle blow. “Said she’d be out in two minutes.”
They stood there for a beat, neither saying a thing before Sahar finally met them—two minutes on the dot. “Sorry…about all of it,” she said.
“All good. What’d the prick want?” Willa inquired.
Sahar sighed. “He apologized. Blamed it on stress and shit. I told him it wasn’t an excuse and I needed to think about what I want. He claims he understands, so we’ll see,” she finished with a shrug.
Willa put her arm around Sahar’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re thinking about it.”
“Yeah, so am I.”
Christian looked up from his phone. “Ride is approaching.”
“Thank God, I’m so knackered,” Sahar added.
Willa groaned and tugged her falling bra strap up from inside her jumper. “I’m going to hate myself if I’m hungover tomorrow. ”
Sahar turned her head, shock dawning in her eyes. “How much did you drink?”
“Enough to make my future self hate me. I was sad. And the bartender must’ve noticed because he gave me the extra one on the house when I went up to get water instead.”
Sahar chuckled slightly. “Oh, babe. We’ll get you some ibuprofen, and I’m not letting you sleep until you’ve emptied two entire cups of water. Want to tell us why you’re sad?”
“No, because it’s embarrassing.” And because she was already feeling bad for basically disclosing half of it to Christian, minus the part about her feelings for Ethan.
Sahar pursed her lips.
Christian patted Sahar’s shoulder, gesturing for them to follow him into the silver Kia SUV that had approached.
Willa bit her tongue as she entered, forcing herself not to swear aloud.
Of all the songs in the world, this driver had to be playing Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know.” She was going to lose it. Her eyes welled so hard it would be downright humiliating if she started crying.
Fuck alcohol. Screw emotions.
She wanted to call Ethan.
She wanted to beg this driver with great taste in music to please change the damn song. It hit her in all the places she had zero stamina to combat against.
It was touching the familiarity and tender emotions that only Ethan’s presence could evoke.
It was too much.