Page 34 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

WILLA

W illa had no idea how she made it through the day.

She was more knackered than the singular meme of a child crying and wanting to fall asleep on a beach shore.

She wanted nothing more than to go home and tumble onto her bed.

But at the same time, she wanted to be with Ethan.

It was all so new with them, exciting, easy.

She concluded her account takeover with a few more questions at the night’s end, then recorded a video of the fans waiting outside at the stage door for her final frame.

It wasn’t nearly as anxiety-inducing as she’d imagined, so that made for a pleasant surprise.

Without any inappropriate questions or remarks during her takeover, it gave her a bit more hope for the eventual point in time when her relationship with Ethan was publicized.

Willa showered first, then went to his living room to turn on the TV to reruns of one of her comfort shows, The Great British Bake Off . She’d had enough of social media and her phone today. Ethan came back out shortly after and flopped beside her.

He pulled her closer and squished her into him, the sea salt and cedar from his body wash filling her nose with the delicious notes of a crisp morning walk underneath a canopy of majestic trees.

He whispered something incohe rent into her hair that sounded like fuck, and you’re amazing while his lips traveled down to her neck.

She brought her legs to the cushion, curled them toward his torso, and leaned further into him.

He drew away from her body and cupped her cheeks with both his hands.

He had his glasses on, but she noted his sapphire blues sparkling with an admiration that she could swim in for hours and still not find all the hidden treasures in their vastness.

“How do I spend all day with you, then still need you the second you’re away from me? ” Ethan rasped.

“It’s the honeymoon phase. Give it a month, and you’ll get over it.”

A flash of annoyance evidenced in his gaze. “Is that your way of telling me you’ll get sick of me?”

She placed her fingers along his jaw and stroked adoringly, wanting him to catch that she was joking. “No, I’m just prone to believe things will backfire for me.”

“Something tells me your therapist wouldn’t be happy to hear that.”

He had a point. Every time Willa would say something overly pessimistic, Marie always gave her a look that prompted Willa to dispute the negative belief with a pragmatic truth. “You’re right. She wouldn’t be.”

She pressed her lips to his cheek.

“Willa, I've wanted you for a while now. Probably since the very beginning, even when I didn't realize that's what was happening. I only kept it in because I didn't think you'd want me the same way.”

The statement made her smile. He’d mentioned their first meeting a few times, but did he really remember the exact details? She didn’t. Was it at a table read? Rehearsals?

“Tell me about this first time again— when exactly did you start feeling this way?”

His phone vibrated loudly against the coffee table. “Hold that thought,” he glanced at the caller ID. “Give me a second, please. My mom and I have been playing phone tag for two days.”

“Of course,” she gestured for him to pick up.

Ethan’s face lit up. “Hi, mom,” he answered.

She could hear Mrs. Everett on the other end of the line. “Hi, honey. I’m so sorry I keep missing you. How are you?”

“I’m good. Everything’s good here. How’s Nick doing?” he asked. Was his brother okay? Had something happened to him?

His mom must’ve sighed or something on the other end of the line because she grew quiet. “He’s good, I guess. Is he not talking to you?” Willa heard. She felt weird listening. But if Ethan wanted to keep the conversation private, he would have sat farther away or exited to another room.

That said, had he and his brother been fighting?

“He still hasn’t told me himself. I texted him yesterday to check in, and he kept it dry.”

She said something along the lines of “he doesn’t want to disappoint you, but he’ll be okay. Maybe you can come by soon. We miss you, kid.”

He shut his eyes and tensed a bit. “I know I’m sorry, mom. I could make that work. Can I bring someone with me? If they’d be willing to come?”

Was he talking about her?

“Of course you can. Who is it? Do I know them?” she asked eagerly, her voice elevating.

He swept his fingers slowly along Willa’s forearm.

“You do, yeah, but I’ll tell you later if that’s okay.”

“Alrighty, I can take a hint. I’ll let you go now. Are you eating and sleeping normally?” she finished off.

“Yes, to both,” he answered.

“Are you sure?” she probed.

He c huckled lightly. “Scout’s honor, mom.”

“Okay, okay. Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

She waited for him to hang up and place the phone down before speaking again. He pulled her body closer to him. “Is everything okay with your brother?” she asked.

“He was laid off from work about two weeks ago and hasn’t told me himself. He won’t respond in the family group chat, either. I’m trying to give him space, but it’s odd that he won’t talk to me.”

Willa’s mouth formed into a sad line. “I would understand if he felt like he might burden you.”

“I would hate to think I gave him the impression that he could burden me.”

Her fingers traced along the side of his face.

“It’s not something you did or an impression you gave.

It’s just something people feel sometimes.

I could go to Alex about many things, but when I need him, I opt out.

I close in on myself and try to handle everything on my own because he’s already done so much for me. I don’t want him to do more.”

“He’s your brother. He’s supposed to be there as much as he can.”

She shook her head slightly. “Tell that to an anxious person’s brain.”

“It’s not like I can do anything anyway, which sucks. I have nothing to do with the academic world.”

Willa moved her hand along his shoulder, down to his bicep. She held onto his forearm then. “Don’t wait for him to tell you then. You know. Reach out and tell him that you’re there for him.”

“Nick can be stubborn. He’ll get pissed at my parents for telling me. But maybe I can risk it.”

“I see.”

He n estled his nose in the crook of her neck and breathed her in. It sent tremors down her spine. “Would you want to come with me when I go visit them?” he mumbled.

“So, I was the someone you were referring to?” she asked, holding her breath at the touch of his lips against her pulse point.

He lifted his head so she could see the obvious answer plastered on his face.

“How are you going to explain why you’re bringing me?”

Ethan’s mouth lowered, trekking to the juncture of her throat again. “You’re my best girl. We don’t need an explanation.”

He kissed her impatiently, greedily sucking and biting down, forcing a low whimper to rise from the pit of her stomach.

“Except it’s never happened before. So, why now?” Willa continued.

“Because I want you to. You’ve met them before; they’d be delighted to have you. Plus, I have plans for you and that first date, remember? And I’m working on a project at the cabin with my dad for my nephew that I want to check in on, too.”

“Aww, like a swing set?” she wondered.

“Something like that, yeah,” he answered.

“That’s adorable.”

He took his glasses off and set them aside. His fingers circled around Willa’s jaw and ear while he continued to kiss her like he didn’t just spend hours tangled with her body in various dance numbers.

“Wait, wait,” she called out.

He lifted his head rapidly, eyes blown wide. “What? Did I go too far?”

“No, but you were about to tell me about the first time you saw me before you got the phone call.”

The line of his lips curled into an expansive, bright smile.

He rested his forehead against hers, “You were wearing that oversized Muppets shirt, blac k shorts, and choreographing a number to Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ with Miles.

I walked in just as you came up from the ground, and all I could hear was your stunning laugh.

I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and I would’ve killed to hear you laugh like that all the time. I still would.”

She couldn’t believe it. She recalled meeting him and introducing herself, but she didn’t recollect anything else about that day. “I—” she started.

The pads of his fingers traced along her arm, interlacing their hands together. He brought hers to his lips and kissed it leisurely. “Since it hit me that I had feelings for you, I’ve almost blurted it out every time you’ve worn that shirt.”

“I hate my memory for being such shit. I don’t remember anything about that day other than we met. I remember you being the only person who understood my jellybeans reference, and that’s how we got close, but I don’t necessarily remember when that was,” she replied.

“That was two days later. When we first met, I mentioned liking your shirt, but you didn’t seem to think anything of it.”

She smiled. “I remember that . To be fair, I just thought you were being polite. I’d heard you were one of the kindest people to work with, but how was I to know that you’re just as obsessed with the Muppets as I was.”

He chuckled. “I would’ve said it, but I stopped myself. I got weirdly shy. I was too stunned by your pretty face.”

She couldn’t halt her cheeks from flushing. “I can’t deal with you. You should’ve just said it.”

“I have many things I’d like to say to you, but I’m pacing myself,” he answered swiftly.

She poked his abs, lean and hard against her fingers. “Like what?”

“Like, when’d you know?” he asked.

He d ipped his head back to her throat.

“Know what?” she questioned, drawing out the moment, fingers carding through his hair.

Ethan growled, low and hoarse into her neck. “You know what.”

“Why do you think I drank so much that night we went out? When you didn’t show up,” she confessed through a subdued whimper.

He looked up at her, his eyes blazing with bottomless longing. “That’s the night you realized you had feelings for me?”

She shook her head. “That was the night I understood that I was too far gone. I started feeling something when I watched people slow dance at Alex’s wedding and wished you were there with me.”

“I’m sorry my headache got in the way of us that night,” he noted. “I’m also sorry I couldn’t come with you to the wedding.” She was, too, or maybe she wasn’t. Perhaps she wouldn’t have realized how much she relied on his presence to feel safe.

“It’s okay. Maybe it’s exactly what I needed to recognize that you are the person I’m searching for in every room.”

He groaned, biting down on the slope of her shoulder. “Fuck, Wills, that sounded like poetry.”

She tipped his face to look him square in the eyes. “It’s the truth.”

He seized her mouth hard, surely bolstered by her praise.

His phone vibrated on the table again, but he ignored it.

It vibrated once more, then a few more times after.

He stopped kissing her and looked down. They read the texts together.

Sam and his wife, Priya, would be performing at a small venue in Queens next month—the whole cast was invited.

“Are we going?” Willa asked.

He confirmed quickly and then crashed his lips back onto hers.