Page 1 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)
ETHAN
E than Everett felt empty. There was no other way to describe the strange disruption in the air or the sense that a part of him was provisionally torn away.
It sounded melodramatic, even though he wasn’t uttering the thoughts aloud.
His co-star and best friend, Willa Davidian, had been gone for two days, set to return in five, and five days felt like five hundred right now.
Two days without a word from her other than an “I’ve landed and secured coffee. All is well in the world now” text.
Their close friendship had been instantaneous at the initial table read almost two years ago, allowing them to grow closer during rehearsals and preparations for Midnights at Pemberley.
But falling this hard for her crept up on him.
Sure, he had been in awe of her from the first day; he would never deny that, but slowly and then, all at once, intense feelings descended upon him like a flock of pigeons that’d just been lured with breadcrumbs at Central Park.
He often found himself longing to be around her, constantly wishing to occupy the same space.
It had been a few days after returning from his grandfather’s funeral when Ethan first noticed how profound his feelings had gotten.
When he realized that she kept his sanity intact while he wished he could disappear from his parents’ house.
He hadn’t even been home a couple of hours before his dad commented that his grandpa would’ve loved it if Ethan had also been by his side when he passed.
You’re the most like him of all his grandkids, and you were the only one who wasn’t in that hospital room, he had said.
It wasn’t malicious. He wasn’t trying to criticize Ethan, but he never quite understood how hurtful those comments could be.
Ethan was already exhaustively aware that he was the lone wolf in his family—the one who chose theatre studies and drama over English literature and anthropology.
Everyone in his family had a PhD, or they were working toward it, and Ethan was a two-time Tony Award nominee.
He had missed holidays and birthdays not because he chose to but because he had no means of getting away.
He’d always make up for his absence, though.
He’d try to find the best, most sentimental gifts.
He’d FaceTime his sister and nephew constantly.
He’d check in on them multiple times a week.
His dad never fully recognized how much he expected out of Ethan as his eldest son, and he didn’t mind it usually, but sometimes the words stung.
All he ever really wanted from his family was the assurance that they understood him. He didn’t need or want tireless applause. He was proud of the work he did.
The industry was and would always be hot garbage in more ways than one, but when it allowed people to be their most authentic selves, it made the lonely kid watching from the orchestra seats feel a little less scared of the world outside.
People could step into the theatre for two hours and forget the pain they carried on their shoulders. Broadway stages gave people a home away from home—a place to feel safe and loved as they were. And he’d always appreciate being a reason for that.
The entertainers of the world had a place in life’s vast storyboard, too.
His grandpa had also been the one to drive him toward the stage—the one who frequently reminded him of how it must’ve been his grandmother’s influence.
She was the artist in their family, the one who merged teaching and choir to find a perfect middle.
She was the one who taught Ethan how to hold a note.
His paternal grandparents were the ones who introduced him to Lion King , his first Broadway musical.
So, when the comments hurt and struck deeper than he would’ve liked on top of the grief suffocating him, Ethan thought of Willa.
He reflected upon how she was the only person who never expected anything from him.
How he could tell her anything and discern from the look in her eyes that she was never once passing judgment or questioning him.
He thought of how, even when she offered him advice, she did so in a way that never belittled or made him feel like he was failing.
He latched on to the fact that being around her felt like home.
At the time, Ethan hadn’t even fully processed his grandfather’s death until he called Willa, and she ran over to his hotel room.
He had suppressed his heartache and tears until he saw her, and she let him cry on her shoulders while holding him tightly without a word.
It was everything he had needed. He had later mentioned what his dad had said, and she looked him squarely in the eyes when she declared that his grandpa would’ve understood.
She also reassured Ethan that his dad probably didn’t realize how it’d hurt him.
She reminded him that his grandfather would’ve been proud of the show he was putting on every night, and surely his dad was, too.
Ethan believed the observations when they came from her. It was easy to.
And then he stopped himself abruptly, bringing his wandering mind back from memories to reality. He focused on the fact that he couldn’t and wouldn’t jeopardize their friendship because losing Willa would hurt more than anything else he’d been through.
He forced himself to focus on the anguish that would take hold of him if she wasn’t beside him.
“Earth to Ethan…” he heard coming from his physical therapist, Jenny Nolan. Right, that’s where he was, sitting along the cushioned bench at his second to last appointment for his knee.
“Shit, sorry, Jen. Were you saying something?” he replied apologetically.
“I only asked you to lift your left leg about three times, but who’s counting?”
He raised his left leg to oblige. “Sorry.”
Jenny gently placed her hand on the back of his stubborn knee. “Where’s that head of yours at today?”
Missing Willa.
“Trying to mull over some of the questions I know we’ll get during interviews. You know me.” Thank goodness he was quick on his feet with a reply.
He could perform in front of sold-out theatres and do whatever was needed of him, never once fumbling, but press obligations always made him far too nervous.
Still, that wasn’t the case today.
Today, he was thinking about his best friend, wishing he could have gone to England with Willa as her plus one to her brother’s wedding.
She joked about it, but he knew a part of her had been serious.
Willa was just as nervous about the wedding as she was excited.
She was stressed about being the only person in her family who was single, uneasy about people offering to set her up, and asking all sorts of unwanted questions about her love life.
“You’ll do fine. You always do. No one would ever know how much you stress about them,” Jenny said, shrugging him out of his thoughts.
He sighed, reacting easily when she motioned for him to lift his leg again. “Thanks, Jen.”
“I got you. And so does this knee of yours. You’re lucky, you know that?”
“Well, you are a miracle worker,” he noted, thanking science for in-house aid. He’d taken a minor slip weeks before and slammed his knee against a railing.
“I try,” she replied, repeating the pattern three more times before she stopped and sanitized her hands.
Ethan took a moment to look at his phone and check the time in London. He could text Willa. It’d be ten forty at night there—not too late. Hopefully, she was still awake.
He waited until Jenny left the room before shooting the text over.
ETHAN
Didn’t realize how attached I am to you. I miss you. Come back.
Subtle, Ethan. Real subtle.
WILLA
Hahahahaha I’ve been gone for two days. And I’m so damn jetlagged. Please send help.
Excellent, now you’ve freaked her out, his brain muttered. You couldn’t handle two whole days?
No, he couldn’t. He apparently couldn’t nail the art of subtlety either because his fingers betrayed him like they were possessed.
ETHAN
You can call me if you can’t sleep.
WILLA
I so would, but I’m at my cousin Emma’s house, and the girls wanted to sleep in the guest room with me.
ETHAN
Ah, you’re in Bristol already?
WILLA
Yeah! My parents are here, too, but they’re staying at a hotel. Alex gets in tomorrow.
ETHAN
Nice. The wedding is in two days, right? There, in Bristol?
WILLA
Yeah. Anna’s family is from Trowbridge, but the venue is here in Bristol. Also, I really should’ve hired someone to fake date. I’ve already had two aunts from my dad’s side hound me about being “too old.” You’d think I was 86 and not 33.
ETHAN
I would’ve been there in a heartbeat if I didn’t have in person press to do.
WILLA
I know.
ETHAN
If you need me to play pretend from a distance, tell everyone I’m yours. I’ll vouch for us.
WILLA
Hahaha noted. I should try to sleep. Miss you too, by the way.
ETHAN
Good. I was worried the attachment was one-sided. Sweet dreams, Wills.
WILLA
Never! You too!
He stood up, swung his backpack over his shoulder, and trekked out of the theatre’s rehabilitation room.
He was thankful Declan had invited him and Sam to have dinner tonight because he needed to shut off his mind.
He needed it to be tomorrow and for interviews to start so that he could distract himself from all things Willa.
“Ethan, you’re too quiet. It’s weird. What’s going on?” Sam asked, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his hand. The three of them were sitting out on Declan’s balcony, the weather slightly warmer than it had been the past week.
Had he been too quiet? Ethan tried to unfreeze his gaze. “Nothing. I’m just beat.”
“He’s sulking over Willa,” Declan chimed.
Well, shit. Had he been that obvious? “Why would I be sulking over Willa?”
“Oh, mate. Come on. How long are you going to deny this?” Sam asked.
Ethan arched his eyebrows. “You’re both off.”
Declan laughed. “Bro, you’ve been a sad sack of shit for two days. I know why. You know why. Everyone knows why.”
There was no way they could read him that closely. There was no way that everyone knew. Did this mean Willa could figure it out, too?
“Everyone knows what? ”
Declan downed a final gulp and knocked the bottle against Ethan’s shoulder. “Everyone knows that you’re into Willa.”
He responded too rapidly. “I’m not into Willa. She’s my best friend.”
“I’m also your best friend, but you don’t look at me like I put stars in the sky. Why don’t you look at me like I put stars in the sky, Ethan?” Sam remarked, doing some abysmal kissing face.
Ethan grimaced. Yes, he thought the world of Willa, but he also thought he was successfully cloaking his more romantic feelings. “I don’t look at Willa like she put the stars in the sky. Stop going method into Bingley. You’re growing soft.”
Sam chuckled. “And you’re brooding, so who’s method acting now?”
“Fuck off,” Ethan bit back.
Declan turned to whisper to Sam. “Oh, he’s down bad. The lines between his eyebrows are getting deeper.”
Ethan rolled his eyes, kicking the foot of Declan’s chair while he’d been tipping back in it.
“You’re lucky we love it when you’re broody and annoying,” Declan said.
“You’re annoying,” Ethan replied. Jesus, they sounded like twelve-year-olds.
“You’re annoying,” Sam and Declan mimicked in unison.
Declan’s wife Carmen conveniently popped her head out, returning from where she’d gone, putting Ethan out of the heckling misery. She kissed Declan’s head. “How was dinner?” she asked.
“Great, love. I left you a plate to heat up.” Declan was the best cook in their entire circle, often joking that if he weren’t an actor, he would’ve dabbled in the culinary world.
He’d made them beef gyros and the best damn homemade tzatziki sauce Ethan had ever had.
As irritating as Declan was being, Ethan would swallow it up with gratitude .
“Sounds amazing. Anything new and exciting here before I go eat and watch my shows?”
Declan looked at Ethan with a wink. “Oh, yeah, our boy is in love,” he noted.
Ethan let out an exasperated sigh.
Sam chortled.
Cocking an eyebrow, Carmen gave Ethan a knowing smile.
“Not you, too, Carmen,” Ethan nearly whined.
“Silently. I’ll think it in my head, but I won’t say a word,” Carmen remarked.
Declan grinned. “You two showed up at Naomi’s Halloween party dressed like Gonzo and Rizzo from The Muppet Christmas Carol. Carm was the first person to have noticed that there was something more going on there.”
Ethan shook his head. “It’s not my fault none of you get the reference, which isn’t romantic, by the way.”
“Eh, everything can be romantic nowadays. People ship my Wickham and your Darcy.”
Ethan held back a laugh.
“I’m going now. Stop hounding him. He’ll tell us when he’s ready to own up to his feelings,” Carmen declared.
Ethan released an exhale. Was he really this obvious? Did the entire cast know? Could everyone just tell that he was missing her like a limb was torn from his body and left 3,461.34 miles away in England?
This was not how he imagined the night would go.
He hoped it’d be a welcome distraction from Willa, not a whole discussion dedicated to her.
The air thickened around him, and the sounds of sirens wailing at a distance drew his attention away.
He needed to change the subject because these two weren’t going to. They’d keep probing and pushing.
His eyes darted indoors, remembering the game of Super Smash Bros. from last Thursday that had nearly started a war between them. They’d promised each other a more fair rematch. “If you two are done getting on my nerves, we’re due a rematch from last week,” Ethan noted.
“Shit, that’s right,” Declan agreed, rising from his seat with Ethan and Sam following.