Page 21 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

WILLA

W illa stepped into her dressing room, took her water bottle, and gulped down the entire thing in one go.

She couldn’t believe that this wasn’t some sort of a fever dream. She couldn’t grasp the fact that she’d just rehearsed the show’s most emotionally and physically charged numbers with Ethan and that it’d felt completely different from any other time she’d danced with him.

It took all her might not to crumble from the ways Ethan had touched her. How would she get back on the stage and function after he kissed her?

Setting the bottle down, she steadied herself against the vanity’s edge.

Willa thought of how he looked at her when he first entered the stage, eyes gentle and warm with belief shooting through the lenses of his tortoise-shell frames.

She also hated him a little for wearing those bloody glasses because it made her weaker in the knees, but how was he supposed to know that? Maybe she could teasingly let him know.

Heavens, it was hot in here. She obsessively fanned herself with her hand, then reached for a notepad, which she hoped would add more wind .

She felt like she was an having out-of-body experience.

She was miraculously fine on the surface, but inside, her heart, mind, and body wrestled in a chaotic match set to destroy each other.

He’s the love of my life, her heart clamored.

Shut up, her mind argued. I need him, her body cried.

They were throwing calculated volleys at each other constantly, and she couldn’t stop any of them.

We’ve discussed this.

Don’t go there.

Don’t ruin this one good thing.

He. Is. An. Actor.

I trust him.

I love him.

It’s against every rule you’ve set up to succeed in this industry.

It’s too risky.

He. Is. Your. Best. Friend.

Her mind was getting louder, logic attempting to bolt the other two back into the cage where they belonged.

She should call her mum and tell her she was about to go on as Elizabeth. Yes, that’d be a good distraction. She picked up the phone to ring her, but the line on the other end went to voicemail. The woman would pick up any phone call ever, but the one time Willa needed to talk to her.

The universe was determined to draw out her torturous emotions and make her anxiety much worse until she finally got off that stage, day one in Elizabeth Bennet’s shoes behind her.

Her phone vibrated as she was about to set it down. She looked at it, realizing she was being a bit overdramatic because her mother called her right back.

“Hi, Mum,” she answered.

Her mother sounded tired. Had she been asleep? “Hi, love. I was having a nap; I caught something a few days ago,” she added .

Willa’s face fell. “Oh, no. Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m all right, yeah, don’t worry. Just a little cold. How are you?”

Willa sat down on her chair and started spinning in it. “I’m good, but I’m going on as Elizabeth today, and I’m quite nervous. I really didn’t think it’d happen, but the Driver sisters had a family emergency, so they’re both out right now.”

Her mother squealed on the other end of the line, every bit of her energy seemingly returning. “Oh, Willa! I’m so thrilled for you. I hope the girls are okay, but this made my whole month. Maybe my whole year. My girl is going on in a lead Broadway role!”

“Thanks, Mum!”

“But go on, love, why are you nervous?”

Willa took a deep breath, got out of the chair, looked around to ensure the hallway was empty, and then closed the door for extra measure. “Because it means I’ll be kissing Ethan, and I’ve got feelings for him that go beyond our friendship.”

“Ha!” she declared a little too loudly.

Willa perked up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I knew you had feelings for that boy from the moment you started talking about him, Willa. I raised you, remember?”

“And what on earth did I say to make you think that?”

She let out a small laugh. “Mother’s intuition. It’s not what you say, but it’s how you say it. You light up every time you talk about him, and as much as your dad and I raised you to be a loving person, you don’t talk about anyone else the way you do about Ethan. It’s different.”

Willa pursed her lips. “And you didn’t think of voicing your opinions to me?”

“No, because you’re a grown adult, and despite what my generation might believe about meddling, it’s up to you to come to these realizations on your own. When have I ever interfered in your love life? Or your brother’s?”

Willa nodded. “Yeah, true. Fine, anyway, that’s what I’m currently dealing with.”

“Do you reckon he feels the same way?” Mum asked.

Willa closed her eyes for a beat. “Marie asked me the same question. I don’t know. I can’t think about that right now, even though it’s exactly what I’m thinking about. Ugh, nothing makes sense, Mum.”

She could feel her mother smiling through the phone. “Well, it’s a good thing you’ve always been someone who could escape into a role. You’ll smash it, I’m sure.”

The compliment filled her with a bit of ease. “Thank you. I’m going to go prep some more. Is Dad sick, too? Do I need to check in on him?”

“He was. He’s the one who brought it home to me, but he’s fine now. I’ll give him the news, and we’ll phone you together tomorrow.”

Willa smiled. “Okay. Love you, Mum.”

“Love you, too, my darling. Break a leg!”

Sahar and Ethan both sauntered into the dressing room, talking excitedly about something she couldn’t quite decipher from the first few words. Ethan brought over her drink and the bagel.

“We told Jay you’re making your Elizabeth debut tonight, and he was extra meticulous with your drink,” Sahar noted.

Willa’s lips quirked upward. “Thanks a million. You two are the best,” she said.

Pushing the straw in, she took a sip, the smooth, cold liquid hitting in all the right ways.

No one made her coffee the way the baristas at Amanda’s did, but something about the taste today wa s indeed different.

It wasn’t like he had changed the flavor, but maybe it was the thought of it—the care and attention.

She could swear things like that made all the difference in the world.

Ethan turned to leave, but she stopped him. “Where are you going?”

“My dressing room?” he replied, making it sound like a question.

She pouted slightly. “Stay for a bit?”

What is wrong with you? Let him go.

He gave her a familiar smile, a little crooked, light in his eyes, and contentment written all over it. It was a smile she loved profoundly, coming in right after her favorite one—teeth bared and eyes gleaming as though the sun shined straight through them.

Ethan turned back, walked over to where she sat, and leaned against the vanity. “Are you still nervous?” he asked Willa.

She bobbed her head in a slow see-saw motion. “Eh? Yes and no.”

Sahar bumped her shoulder with her fist. “That’s way better than a full-on yes . ”

“I suppose so,” Willa started to say. “I think what’s also bothering me is knowing how many people are going to be disappointed that they won’t be seeing Naomi or Lea. I hope their family is okay.”

Sahar nodded. “Yeah, I wonder what happened and if there’s anything we can do?”

“I imagine one of them will tell us when they can. And then we could maybe talk to Jeanie and see what would be most helpful,” Willa answered.

Ethan sighed. “Yeah. I don’t think Dina can say anything.

And knowing Naomi, if it’s really bad, she won’t say a word to any of us until we’re done with tonight’s show.

” He took a sip of his coffee and then turned to Willa.

“And you’re not going to disappoint the audience, Wills.

It’ll be the opposite. You’re going to stun them. ”

She looked at him like he was speaking another language. “That’s a generous statement.”

“It’s the truth,” he rebutted.

“He’s right,” Sahar agreed.

They were both wrong, and it was wild how they couldn’t see it.

Naomi was a force to be reckoned with—the type of performer who made her scene partner better and stronger.

And that, despite her feelings for Ethan, was another reason she feared the audience would question whether they got their money’s worth.

But she wouldn’t show them how hard she was fighting against her demons or the inability to comprehend that maybe she also belonged on that stage.

She pushed the bagel up from underneath the paper bag, holding on carefully so she wouldn’t have to use her hands. She took a bite and chewed thoroughly before speaking. “If I fumble this, I expect you both to buy my coffee for a year. The price for false belief.”

“And what do we get when you’re met with a standing ovation?” Ethan propositioned.

“Whatever you want,” she replied.

Sahar winked. “You read two books I recommend to you each month.”

Willa looked at Ethan.

“I have to give mine more thought,” he teased.

Oddly, somehow, this helped ease some of her nerves.

After another round of rehearsals and more cast members joining in, they dispersed for the afternoon. Wanting to be alone for a while, Willa ate her lunch at home, took an emotional support shower, and left for the theatre two hours earlier than normal.

“Five minutes, people.”

Sahar turned to Willa and looped her hand into Willa’s folded arm.

“Let’s do this,” she said, a massive grin forming along her matching nude-colored lips.

This was another interesting adjustment.

Willa was used to maroon red lips, but Elizabeth wouldn’t don that color until after she was hired to work in Pemberley’s gorgeously gaudy corners.

The show started smoothly, the crowd reacting to them with the grace and applause she hoped for.

Having to share the first three numbers closely with Sahar made easing into the production more seamless.

For a beat, it was hard to think of the Ethan of it all.

Her mother was right. Willa could always disappear into a role once the audience started reacting and her co-stars filled the space.