Page 25 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

ETHAN

E than couldn’t process half the words spoken by the fans outside because all he could think about was Willa. And heavens, he was thankful to hear about all the ways they loved her performance. He did, too, in more ways than he could say.

Their emotions had subdued, a few glances here and there. Willa, especially, he could tell, was uneasy. She kept fidgeting with her nails.

He didn’t want to make it worse. He didn’t want to add to her agitation, but his damn heart wouldn’t stop thrashing inside of him. If they were in a quieter place, they would’ve all turned and asked him if he was okay.

Ethan wasn’t okay. Far from it. He was a man on the precipice of declaring his love for his best friend smack dab in the middle of the theatre’s hallway.

He’d have to ask her to wait for him, to get word from the guards that the crowds had dispersed, so he could safely step into the ride back home and hopefully have Willa come with him.

She turned to face him before stepping into her dressing room to grab her bag, li kely to say goodbye for the night as they’d be going in opposite directions.

His heart thrashed faster.

He inched closer, grazing his fingers along her hand. Her eyes flicked down to where he touched her. “Wills, can I…uh, have a second,” he asked, pointing to his dressing room instead.

Willa nodded, sauntering over.

He took a deep breath and tried to speak, but the words locked in his throat. He regarded her for a second, willing himself to pluck up the courage to confront the emotions swimming around them, taking up the space he desperately wanted to close with his body.

She looked up at him, her face so lovely that it gave him the strength to continue. “Would you, uh, come over tonight? I…uhm, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Privately.”

Willa took a breath, an unreadable expression mounting itself in her eyes. “Okay.”

Grabbing his backpack from the hook behind his door, they walked out together.

Sahar came out of their shared dressing room, holding Willa’s bag as well. Taking it from her, Willa swung her arms around Sahar’s shoulder in a tight hug.

He was sure Willa whispered something to her because he could catch Sahar nodding.

Willa pulled away. “Text me the second you get home, Sahar. I mean it.”

Sahar crossed her heart. “I won’t forget. But also, you have my location.”

“Text. Me.” Willa emphasized.

Sahar rolled her eyes. “Okay, mum.” She walked toward Christian’s dressing room before the two of them headed out together .

Apart from a few words, Ethan and Willa were silent during the car ride over to his place.

When he opened his front door, and they stepped inside, Tulip looked up from her favorite corner at the top of his sectional and silently uttered all her grievances with eyebrows squared and annoyance in her grumpy eyes.

He’d been gone all day today, and with the way she was looking at him, one would think he’d abandoned her with no food or water the entire time. Cats.

Willa’s gorgeous eyes lit up at the sight of her, and she released an audible little squeal.

She shuffled closer to Tulip, who’d already jumped onto the cushion and rolled over for comfort. Willa nuzzled her head, moving toward the place under her chin where she loved scratches most. “Hi, cutie,” she added. “It’s been two weeks too long since our last reunion.”

Well, he’d have to have Willa come by more, but he also understood why she preferred her place in Queens to his in Manhattan. She wouldn’t have to worry about going home late, and they could easily pick up a pie from Leo’s Pizza.

She picked up Tulip, who calmly steadied herself in her arms, and they moved toward Ethan. “Treat me,” Willa declared, holding out her free hand for treats. Tulip meowed, understanding the exact word.

He reached for the cabinet and pulled out the foul-smelling chicken sticks.

Opening the snack, he handed one to Willa, and she repositioned herself to feed Tulip while she was still in her arms. Tulip chomped down eagerly, tiny sounds of overexcitement coming out of her. When she finished, she jumped out of Willa’s arms and strolled toward her water fountain.

Willa went over to his kitchen sink and washed her hands. Afterward, she turned an d leaned against the counter, eyes fixed on him.

“You hungry?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, my appetite is still wonky.”

“Tea? I have the rose-flavored one you like.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “The one from Whittard’s?”

He confirmed with a nod, trying to read the expression on her face.

“Did you order it online?”

“Obviously not. I hired bootleggers, and they illegally smuggled some for me in exchange for my best cattle,” he deadpanned.

She laughed, then tilted her head, still trying to understand. “I—just. When did you buy it?”

“About a month ago. When we were hanging out, you opened a new pack, and I saw the brand, so I ordered it when I got home.”

“But you hate tea.”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t ask you to tell me what it was because you’d know it wasn’t for me.”

“So, you bought it for me ?”

His smile grew tenfold. “No, I bought it for Tulip. It’s her latest fixation. I also have Dr. Pepper in the fridge. She’s really into them both and alternates between them every other day.”

Willa sighed, opened her mouth, and then closed it, hiding a smile. “I’ll have the tea for your extraordinary efforts, please.”

He bobbed his head, washed his hands in the sink, filled the kettle, then turned it on.

Ethan opened his fridge and took a Dr. Pepper out.

He initially bought them for Willa but eventually got accustomed to the taste and started drinking them, too.

He looked back at her, both leaning against his kitchen island now.

Neither said a thing for a beat, their silence blending with the sounds of simmering water coming from the kettle .

Ethan took a deep, painful breath and turned to face her.

It was now or never. Between the kettle and his hammering heartbeats, he was losing his mind.

“Willa…tell me you didn’t feel something more out there. Tell me it wasn’t all for the show,” he nearly begged, not caring how he sounded, wanting only her reassurance, her honest answer.

Willa swallowed. She shut her eyes, then peered up at him, uncertainties clouding the sparkle that had been there moments ago.

“It wasn’t all for the show,” she confirmed. Willa held his gaze, big brown eyes peering into his soul. “But…but it has to be.”

Ethan’s insides felt punctured—like a dagger rammed into his chest and twisted all his organs around.

“Why? Why does it have to be that way?” he asked, surely sounding small. Defeated.

She stepped closer, took his dangling hand and squeezed like she was trying to tell him something he wasn’t picking up on. He caught her slow breathing. She was trying and attempting to combat something standing in front of her. He knew that look well enough by now.

“There’s just… It’s too much of a risk. There’s a lot to talk about. It’s not…simple,” she said, her eyes a little heavy.

Ethan lifted his hand and caressed her cheek, delicate and reverential, with meticulous touches. She slid her fingers up and curled them around his wrist. “Then let’s talk about it. Please, Wills. It sounds dramatic, but I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t keep all of this inside anymore.”

She leaned into his touch. Hope made its way back into him, a little less pronounced but resuscitating still.

Willa was about to say something, but she stopped to look down at her vibrating phone that rested against the black marble .

“Oh, shit. It’s Naomi in the group chat,” she announced.

The cast had a group chat they’d started from their first official rehearsals, mostly memes, occasionally check-ins on plans, and affectionately named “Pemberley’s OG-Hoes,” courtesy of Sahar. No one bothered to change it. Ethan drew forward to read from her phone as well.

NAOMI

Hi, my loves. I’m sorry if Lea and I worried you by leaving without a word.

Our little sister Siena was in a horrible car accident last night, and the doctors told our parents they weren’t sure if she was going to make it.

But praise be, they’re hopeful that she’ll make a full recovery.

She’s out of surgery now, and we’ll be back by Sunday at the earliest. If you believe in prayers, please keep our family in your thoughts.

If not, we could use all the good vibes.

Love you all! And congrats on your debut, Wills!

! We’re positive you were perfect on all fronts! !

“Fuck—” Ethan uttered, looking toward Willa, her shock on full display.

“God, I can’t even imagine what they must be going through. And the fears they dealt with in the last twenty-four hours,” she said.

She started typing out a response. Her phone buzzed again with a text from Christian, another from Innila, followed by one from Sahar. Ethan took his phone out of his back pocket, and Willa’s message appeared as he prepped to respond.

WILLA

I’m so sorry you’re all going through this. Thank goodness she’ll be okay. Your family will be in all my prayers 3 big, big love, my darling girls! Please keep us updated.

ETHAN

Please let us know if there’s anything we can do! Sending your family all my love and prayers!

They both set their phones down and looked at each other. Ethan felt guilty for having had such a great day when his scene partner was struggling in a way he couldn’t comprehend. He thought of his siblings for a beat, making a mental note to give them both a call tomorrow.

It was strange what happened to a person when they heard bad news of any degree—how rapidly and effortlessly precious life could become in the blink of an eye.

A rush of gratitude flooded through Ethan, growing into a bravery that made him certain he didn’t want to waste a single second pretending like his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest.