Page 38 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

WILLA

T here was no doubt in Willa’s mind that she wanted more with Ethan—more of his body, his heart, his mind.

She couldn’t get enough of him, understanding well enough the novelty of their honeymoon stage, but knowing that it was far beyond anything she’d ever experienced.

Desires she had never felt before hit her at maximum speed.

Her skin prickled with every touch, wanting more of him in the places where she ached for his attention.

The things she saw in her dreams and pictured when she was alone in her bedroom.

And she knew where he stood. He was waiting for her. In that regard, the ball was entirely in her court, and she was ready to shoot her shot, land the three-pointer, or whatever it was that they called it.

She forced her attention back to Ethan and Sahar, who were deep in conversation about linen as a fabric. She had been so zoned out that she wasn’t even sure how it started.

God, she wanted to reach over and hold Ethan’s hand, walk down the street proclaiming that he was hers, and she was his.

But secrecy had also been her decision, and it was one she needed to see through until she was ready for their relationship to be publicized.

Things were finally look ing up for her—everything made sense.

Her anxieties had given her a brief and surprising respite, allowing her to bask in the joy of being beside a man she adored.

Still, she was terrified of public opinion.

The truth was, maybe people would equate their intimacy with friendship. She could put her arm around his waist, and it’d be fine. Who’d bat an eyelash? But they’d be lying if someone were to call them out on it.

These small, intimate touches were no longer between best friends who shared an easy rapport but two people who cared about each other far more.

“Wills,” he called out, nudging her out of her head.

She looked over at them. “Hmm.”

“What plant does linen come from?” Sahar asked.

She thought about it for a beat, her extensive knowledge of fabrics coming from her paternal grandmother being a seamstress. “Flax plant,” she answered.

They carried on the conversation, and she tried to remain attentive, but Jesus, why were they talking about linen? She opened her phone to text her cousin, Emma.

WILLA

How’d you know Luke was the one?

Emma answered right away.

EMMA

Feelings keep growing for Ethan, yeah?

WILLA

Yeppp.

EMMA

SCREAMING!!

WILLA

It’s been magical. I love him with everything in me—I know I do. But I’m scared I’ll mess it up.

EMMA

You won’t because you’re smart, and you two are already good at communicating.

The answer to your question, though, I knew right away with Luke because he listened to everything I said and responded honestly.

Still, to this day, my favorite thing about him is that he knows how to communicate.

Even when I’m stuck and don’t know how to put words to what I’m going through, he’ll get it out of me with a ton of patience.

WILLA

I love that. And Ethan’s really amazing, Em. I’ve never felt this way before. I want every part of him and keeping it in is getting harder.

EMMA

It makes complete sense. You two are best friends.

You’re more connected to him than anybody else.

Your body is just reacting to all the emotions that have been there for years now.

Stop keeping it in if you know you’re ready.

Life’s too short for that. All you need to do is be fully transparent with him. That’s what matters.

On another note, I’m so happy to hear this! Between you and Ben, I now have no one else to worry about. I can finally sleep at night.

WILLA

LMAO. Who was asking you to worry so much about our love lives!?

EMMA

The lord. It was my sovereign duty on this earth.

WILLA

You’re such an odd human. I miss you a ton.

EMMA

Miss you too, love. As soon as our schedules permit us to get away for a bit, we’ll come see you throw down the house.

Ethan leaned over to her. “You good?”

She looked up and put her phone down. “Yeah, sorry. I wanted to catch Emma before she went to sleep.”

He pulled her to his chest and released her. Like he hadn’t even realized what he’d done, as though he couldn’t help himself, and it was his body’s instinctual way of reacting to hers.

They trekked down to the 36th Avenue station rather quietly, getting to the newly built venue quicker than they initially timed out.

Sahar and Willa went straight for Sam’s wife, Priya. She smirked at Willa, inciting her to roll her eyes. “Spit it out,” Willa jested.

“I’m just thrilled. You’ve no idea. Also, I’ve missed you beauties. We need a girl’s night soon,” Priya said.

Willa smiled sincerely. It was adorable how invested their loved ones were in their relationship, so she couldn’t fault them in any way.

“We’re definitely overdue for one. And ooh, what’s on the setlist?” Sahar asked, “Tell me you two will sing ‘Exile’ and rip my heart out again.”

Priya grinned. “We added it solely because of your reaction last time.”

Sahar pumped her fist. “Watch me go home and dump Martin.”

“I’ve called him a prick for so long that I legitimately forgot that was his name,” Willa noted.

Sahar bit back a laugh. Priya did the same.

Ethan came over to say hi to Priya before walking back to where Declan and Sam stood.

“How’s the new pup?” Willa asked.

Priya curved her lips up and pulled out her phone. “She’s adjusting so well. And Ravi is obsessed with her,” she added, referring to their three-year-old son.

“I want to squish her!” Sahar screeched.

Willa cooed at it. “Please bring her to the theatre for five minutes one day. I need to see her again.” Willa and Sahar had been with Sam when he went to the shelter to pick up the pug for Priya as a Christmas gift.

They’d deemed themselves her honorary godparents, too, but with their schedules growing increasingly chaotic in the last few months, they hadn’t been by in what felt like ages.

She chanced a glance over at Ethan, who was laughing at something Sam had said, and an outbreak of butterflies congregated in her belly. She turned back to Sahar and Priya, taking note of their discussion of the setlist.

“I had to stop him from turning this entire thing into Disney medleys,” Priya commented.

Willa grinned. “Somehow, you two would still make us cry with those, too.”

Sam and Priya put on shows together at least twice a year, belting their hearts out with their voices gorgeously married as synchronically as they were.

After a few beats, Naomi and her wife, Jeanie, joined the conversation. Lea, Tanya, and Innila did as well. Then, Miles and Clyde came by, and Miles put his arm around Willa. “My calves have been killing me since ‘Forbidden Corridors,” he said.

Willa turned her head quickly. “What’d you do?” she replied.

“I have no idea. I felt something toward the end, but it’s such an odd pain. This one’s been good to me, though,” he replied, pointing to Clyde with the biggest smile on his face.

Clyde smirked shyly. “I hear I was right about you and the other one, but I’m not supposed to say anything.”

Willa beamed. “You were. Was it something we did that made you think that? Because really, a lot of us are touchy,” she asked, squeezing Miles’ ribs to demonstrate. He made a chirping sound. All three of them chortled.

“No, it was the way he kept looking at you. You’d do it, too.

Like every time you were separated, you would gaze in the other’s direction.

And when you’d talk, there was something there.

I can’t explain it. Sorry, I’m a people watcher.

I find it so fascinating,” he admitted, placing his hands in his trouser pockets.

Willa wanted to cry. It sounded so wholesome to hear someone else’s observations about her and Ethan’s relationship.

Miles grabbed Clyde’s face and kissed him quickly. “Do you understand how romantic this gem of a human is? God, how’d I get so lucky?”

Clyde wrapped his arms around Miles.

Willa smiled, big and bright. “No need to apologize. I have to thank the universe for your meeting because watching the two of you on that first night made me miss E so hard. I would’ve probably denied my feelings longer if it weren’t for that day.”

Clyde smiled wholeheartedly.

They took their seats after a few minutes, with Willa and Ethan nestled between Sahar and Christian.

It was nice to be a little guarded and secluded, lights dimmed with the spotlight on Sam and Priya.

Some attendees stood in the back near the bar while others sat in designated areas.

Upon realizing that the tablecloth draped along the front of the table, Ethan rested his hand against Willa’s thigh, his fingers languidly tracing her leg, his watch cool against her exposed skin.

The people in the same row as them were their co-workers.

This was fine. This was okay. There was no one behind them.

The only people they had to be potentially cautious hiding from were the ones in front of them.

And there was no way anyone could see their hands or legs like this.

Willa laced their fingers together for a brief period.

She caught him stealing glances occasionally.

She didn’t feel like drinking, but he handed her his whisky sour at one point, and she took a sip, then another.

They were together, but they weren’t. She was so close that she could feel every tremor and movement in his body.

She leaned her head forward for a beat, wanting a reminder of what Sam and Priya’s former band was called. He couldn’t hear her through the noise, so he brought his head closer, his hand trailing to inherently hold her face. She asked again, louder this time.

“Discount Shakespeare,” he answered, notes of citrus and smokey maple enveloping her. God, she wanted to kiss him. Just like this, right at this very second.

They parted. Ethan’s hand continued roving up and down Willa’s legs.

The night was a dream of sorts with Sam and Priya and their intoxicating melodies—their gorgeous real-life chemistry bleeding on stage.

Is this how it’d been for her and Ethan?

Was this what people saw when they were performing together?

Fire and warmth, intermingling with love and trust. She wished for it. Wanted it, desperately.

Willa wanted him. She wanted him to try. She wanted his covetous fingers to trail higher and higher without stopping. She was sure of it now. Heat emanated from both the humidity and her desire. Her mind, heart, and body weav ed into a completed, picturesque tapestry.

Her best friend. The love of her life. Her everything.

The night ended with another round of drinks, blissful laughter, sing-a-longs, and emotions flying on all cylinders.

She’d consider his headspace when they got home, and maybe—hopefully—she could have all of him then.