Page 36 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

ETHAN

B ittersweet.

That’s how the day had been.

Earlier this morning, Tony Award nominations were released, and the entire cast had gathered at the crack of dawn to hear the announcements together.

Ethan, Naomi, Sahar, Sam, and Declan were nominated for their respective roles, and if Ethan had any power, he’d give the award to each of them, excluding himself because he was in the running with Broadway legends.

Really, he was immensely grateful to be acknowledged, but it was the team beside him he believed in far more.

The best part was that apart from the cast, the show had tremendous chances for accolades, especially Josie’s choreography and Marla’s costumes. He’d also be shocked if Peter Bradford didn’t win for scenic design, as well as Jeffrey for his directing.

Yet, he’d spent moments during the day moving through waves of grief.

Now, the rain was pounding ferociously against his window, and all he wanted to do was spend a few hours with Willa.

Settled in his bed with his gray hoodie and a pair of sleep shorts, she had one hand wrapped around a cup of tea while she browsed through some interior decorating catalog with the other.

“You know, I really love this forest green shade in your room. The rest of the place would look so great with more of it. But there’s also this stunning navy,” Willa added, pointing to an example in the company’s book.

God, he loved this woman. She was, and would perpetually be, the best medicine, even while she was talking about things like paint.

“I finally called a plumber for the guest bathroom issue. Their earliest opening is mid-June, literally the Monday after the Tonys.”

He’d done a bunch of other things to distract himself today: laundry, grocery shopping, played Hades 2 right up until the second he had to leave for work .

Taking a sip of her tea, she looked up at him. “Did you schedule an appointment?”

Ethan nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been putting it off too long already.”

“Good. And that’ll help with the guest bedroom afterward. Your family should have a place to stay when they visit. There’s something else on your mind, though. What is it?”

He shook his head in a wordless nothing and then sat on the bed beside her.

Setting her mug aside, Willa leaned closer, resting her fingers along his knee. “I know you, Ethan. What’s going on? Something’s been bothering you all day.”

Another wave of grief drenched him its tide.

“It was a really good day, you know? I’ve never been part of a production where we’ve all been close enough to even celebrate our nominations together, but I don’t know.

The group chat with my family has been blowing up.

Nick still hasn’t said anything to me about his job, but he was enthusiastic with his replies for the first time in a while, and then it sort of hit me again that my grandpa isn’t here anymore.

And then I started thinking about whether I’m even bringing my best to every show to make him proud—it just.. .”

He trailed off, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Palming both sides of his face, Willa blocked his mind from the descent it was moving toward.

“Ethan, you’re one of the most hardworking men I know.

I’ve watched you grow so much from our very first rehearsal to the show we just had a few hours ago.

And my memory might be shit, but my observations are not.

How you take care of your voice, listen to your body, and do everything you can to understand the character is no small feat, babe.

There’s no reason for you to have a copy of Pride and Prejudice by your bedside table these days, but I know you keep it, as well as the e-book in your phone, so you can look over things, just in case you might catch something new. ”

She paused, tracing the corners of his eyes.

“It’s natural that missing him would hit now, especially because this is the first show that he wasn’t able to see.

Your grief is also pretty new still. I know he was your biggest fan, and I know my words might not be enough, but I’m here to remind you to take a breath.

Feel the sadness if that’s what you need.

Let me be here for you, but don’t you dare doubt how fiercely proud he would be of everything you do. ”

If he hadn’t already known that he loved Willa, how she always understood every ache and elation and frustration inside of him would’ve cemented his adoration in place.

The fact that he never needed to hide any part of him from her.

Her sincerity. Her goodness. Her passion.

“You’re the best, you know that?” Ethan said.

Willa plac ed a kiss on his forehead.

“ You are ,” she emphasized, then stood up and stepped out of his room, presumably to take her mug back to the kitchen. Tulip galloped out after her.

“Stay strong, Wills. Don’t give her more treats no matter how hard she tries to convince you that she’s a starving cat,” he called out.

Her laugh came in the distance, but he heard it still.

“Did the vet seriously say Tulip needs to lose weight? I thought you were joking,” she asked, walking back in.

He hadn’t been joking. Ethan took Tulip for her yearly check-up yesterday morning and learned that his long-haired orange ball of fur was now thirteen pounds.

Ethan bobbed his head up and down. “It’s not the biggest deal according to the vet, but I told him I’m incapable of saying no to her, so he said we should opt out of giving her too much after she’s had her dinner.”

Tulip hadn’t returned with Willa. “She knew you were talking shit, and now she’s going to stay in the living room.”

“See, you’re stronger than I am. I would’ve given in,” Ethan noted.

Smiling, Willa plopped herself right next to him on his bed and swung her legs over his.

He settled one arm on her back and placed his other hand on top of her thigh.

“It’s her little meows that get you. She’s the quietest cat until she wants food, and suddenly, we get all these adorable sounds.”

With a low laugh, he ran his fingers up and through Willa’s hair, seizing her mouth in a kiss. He didn’t want to talk about his cat anymore. No offense, Tulip.

Willa kissed him back.

When they paused, Ethan watched her eyes flick to his hand resting on her thighs. She brought hers on top of his, then glided her fingers gently across his knuck les. They stayed like that momentarily, hands brushing intentionally against one another.

Nothing in his life had been as easy as loving Willa.

And he wanted to tell her, right here at this moment, even if, to some degree, it felt like it’d be too soon.

He wondered if it would scare her away, but since they’d gotten together, Willa had been even more open with him than before.

Except he still couldn’t believe it—would he ever?

Looking up into her gaze, he realized he’d been staring. Ethan drew his fingertips up to her cheek.

“What?” she asked.

“Just thinking about you.”

“Oh?”

“I think that even when we’re in our fifties, I’m going to look at you and still question how you’re mine.”

The brightest, most earnest smile rose along her lips, dimples out and eyes beaming. Tracing her lips along Ethan’s cheekbone, she drew lower and kissed his mouth again. Slow and sweet and promising. Parting, she rested her head along the slope of his shoulder.

Words left his lips before he could think them through. “I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but I called you on your birthday back when we were in Boston.”

She raised her head, looking him in the eyes to confirm that she remembered.

“I was so sure that you’d figure out I liked you afterward.

I had convinced myself that things would be weird.

I kept having to remind myself not to end the call with three words—not to let them accidentally slip.

” He lingered, tracing his fingers along her cheeks.

“But now? I know we’re taking things slow, but I’m so deeply and irrevocably in love with you, Willa.

I’m sure I loved you from the moment I heard you laugh.

And every second we’ve spent together has only ever multi plied those feelings.

Sometimes, I feel like I could explode—like, I don’t know how to contain the magnitude of my love for you. ”

In stunned silence, Willa held his gaze. Her expression was soft and warm, brimming with what he gathered was fear and hope simultaneously.

And then she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him for dear life. A muffled Ethan left her lips but nothing else for a few seconds. He brought her body as close as humanly possible from the position they’d been sitting in.

“I do remember that day. Often, actually, and when I used to think of it before we got together, I had to mentally stop myself from falling for you. But I love you, too, Ethan. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever find what we have. You’re the closest thing to real-life magic.”

“Do you love me more than treehouses?” he asked, eyes widened, a smirk rising along his mouth.

Dramatically, Willa cocked a brow. “Know your place, babe,” she deadpanned.

Ethan guffawed, tipping her over, he pressed his lips to her neck. She let out a low giggle and ran her fingers through his hair.

“I’ve got fifty years to convince you that I’m better.”

“What are you going to do, dump me at eighty-four?” she joked.

His hands drew lower to her thigh, and he squeezed. “No, I’ll die of sadness instead.”

She let out a loud laugh and kissed his lips with searing passion. “I love you more than treehouses,” she whispered.

“Thank fuck.” Ethan pulled her back over his lap where they stayed for a while, mouths pressed to each other.