Page 45 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

ETHAN

E than turned from his back to face the side of his bed where Willa should’ve been. His heart fractured again. Even though he wanted it, he didn’t expect her to stay with him every night, but today’s incident made it all the more difficult to be away from her.

He grabbed his phone to text her, but she’d beaten him to it.

WILLA

I’m going to bed. Not to be dramatic, but I miss your freaking arms and your whole face and YOU. I love you. See you tomorrow!

Fuck. He missed her, too. He always missed her.

ETHAN

Missing you is my default emotion, even when you’re sitting right next to me. This bed is too damn big without you in it. I love you, too, beautiful. Sleep well!

He hadn’t gone back on social media since making the statement.

Frankly, he didn’t even want to check. He didn’t care.

It was done. As long as Willa was okay and felt saf e, that was all that mattered to him.

Still, he opened the app just to see. He spotted her icon, and surprise dawned on him when he saw a post from her.

He clicked on it to see what she’d posted.

It was their photo, with a purple heart underneath.

He didn’t expect her to share it. He didn’t need her to either. Yet, he hoped that it meant she was feeling a little better about the whole situation. Maybe she was less scared, more hopeful. God, how he wished.

The following day, Ethan’s phone rang as he looked for his keys to head out. He swore he hung them on the hook where they belonged, but they were nowhere to be found. His brother’s name flashed on the screen.

“Yo,” Ethan answered. He almost made a sarcastic remark about how Nick wouldn’t return his calls but opted for the casual greeting.

“Hey, man. Sorry I’ve been MIA,” Nick started.

Ethan sighed. He hadn’t expected an acknowledgment of his absence. “You’re good. Don’t worry. How are you?”

“I’m sure mom told you.”

“She did,” Ethan disclosed.

“I figured she would, even though I hoped she wouldn’t. She also told me what happened to you. I’ll never know how you put up with it, bro. A bunch of strangers on the internet having an opinion on your love life? That fucking blows.”

“It has its downsides,” Ethan started. “Not sure I’d trade it to look at essays, though,” he added, wanting to lighten the mood.

Nick let out a snort. “Ha! Right now, neither would I. Can I be real for a second?”

“I’d prefer that,” Ethan insisted.

“Now that I’ ve had time to sit with it, I think getting laid off might’ve been a blessing.

I used to get home and stare at the goddamn wall, E.

I was so drained last year, working extra hard to avoid being axed in the budget cuts, and for what?

They got rid of me anyway. Has a role ever made you feel like that?

Like you love it, but at the same time, it’s sucking the life out of you? ”

“Not a role, per se, but the industry often does that. Do you not remember how screwed up I was back in 2017? I’m pretty sure I spoke like two words during Thanksgiving dinner that year,” he answered.

Nick sighed. “Shit, yeah, I do remember that.”

Ethan sat on the arm of his couch before continuing.

“I’m pretty sure that’s the case with every person at some point in their career, though.

The work is mostly rewarding, but it’s tiring.

Plus, the gigs aren’t always constant, which is a whole other issue, so I get it.

Time off isn’t always actual time off. The whole system is shit in almost every field.

But take some time for yourself right now.

Do you have money saved up? If you need… ”

Nick interrupted, likely knowing how Ethan was going to finish the sentence. “No, no, no. I mean, thank you. But I have some put aside. I saw an opening at Cal State Long Beach, but I don’t even want to apply. I’d rather wait and see if something opens up here or at least along the coast.”

“Yeah, I get that. I wouldn’t want to move to California, either. I hope something opens for you. You’re going to bounce back, Nick. And if you need anything, you know you can tell me, right?”

Ethan recalled Willa’s comment about not wanting to burden her brother when she needed him most, so he tried to take the chance to remind Nick that he was there.

“I know. And actually, I went fishing with my buddy Matt. Unplugged a bit, and it got me thinking that maybe I should take Jo’s advice and finally see a therapist. I don’t think I’ve properly coped with anything in the last four ye ars, E.

Between my breakup with Amelia and then grandma and grandpa dying so close to each other, and now all of this with my job… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.”

Ethan smiled. He’d never been more proud of Nick’s honesty. “I think that’s a really good idea. That could help you recharge a bit.”

“Yeah, that’s how I’m trying to look at it,” Nick said. “Good thing is, I don’t have to work with Lonnie again.”

“Ha! That’s the department chair, right?” Ethan specified.

Nick huffed on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, I swear, man, he drove me up the wall every fucking day. If he wasn’t older than Dad, I would’ve cursed him out ages ago and got myself fired.

Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about Willa.

Which of you snapped first and realized that your friendship wasn’t normal? ”

Ethan let out a laugh and then caught his brother up on the last few weeks. Nick mentioned wanting to take another trip to the city soon and promised Ethan that he’d make his famous honey-garlic glazed salmon for when they were all at the cabin next month.

Christian entered Ethan’s dressing room shortly after he’d gotten to work. “You’re a godsend, E.”

“What did I do?” Ethan asked.

His friend and co-star burst with excitement.

“Dan is coming in on the twenty-third, and his last day is the morning of the twenty-ninth. I’d initially requested the twenty-eighth off, too, but I took that back when Dina gave me your off days.

My man gets to watch me go on for a principal role.

I feel like a schoolboy. I’m so psyched. ”

Ethan balled his hand and gestured for a fist pump, then hugged Christian with a pat on his back. “Shit , man. I wish I could see it. I’m thrilled that it worked out for you.”

“So am I. Nervous as hell but excited.”

Ethan gave him another shoulder squeeze. “You’re going to be perfect.”

He spotted Willa from the corner of his eye, wanting to walk in. They hadn’t seen each other yet since yesterday. “Come in, beautiful,” he called out.

“Wills! Hey,” Christian grinned.

“Hi,” she smiled, giving him a quick hug before striding to where Ethan stood. She wrapped her arms around the side of his frame and burrowed herself closer.

Christian tilted his head in response. “Little did you know during that drunken night that this is where you’d be in a few months.”

Willa looked up at Ethan, beaming. “I know,” she blushed.

Ethan squeezed her to his chest and held onto her. “Christian just told me that Dan will be here when he goes on as Darcy.”

Willa nearly screeched. “Mate! That’s amazing. How long is he here for?”

“He gets in on Saturday, so I’ll be off until Thursday the twenty-seventh.”

“That sounds like a blast. I’m so excited for you! Do you have an official date for when he’s coming back for good?” Willa asked.

Christian smiled heartily. “Yes, end of September. But we should also do something when he’s here if you guys aren’t too swamped.”

Ethan replied without a second thought. “Absolutely. Let us know when and where.”

Willa agreed with a definite nod.

“Alrighty, lov ebirds. I’ll leave you two alone now,” Christian said, walking out the door.

Willa and Ethan waved him off, then turned to each other. She had a look on her face that struck him deep, rotating his insides like a Rubik’s cube, with everything realigning for the first time since yesterday. He’d never get used to this. Never.

He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and gawked at her. She already had all her makeup on, save for her fiery, red lips, which he knew she left out because she wanted him to kiss her before applying it.

Ethan leaned forward, pausing at the juncture of her neck. “How’s my girl feeling today?” he asked, planting a kiss at her pulse point.

She let out a small, delectable sigh. “I’m better. It’ll take some getting used to, but I feel okay right now. I almost didn’t wear this shirt, but I didn’t want to let the noise get to me, so I call that progress.”

He took note of the cropped baby-blue tank top she had on with her jeans. She looked incredible. “Good, because you’re perfect, and so is the shirt,” he said.

“You were a little late today. Is everything okay?” Willa asked then.

It was true; he had been—only thirty minutes or so. “Yeah, I told my parents everything last night, and I talked to my sister. Then Nick finally called right as I was about to head out and mentioned his job, so I lost track of time on the phone.”

“I’m so glad you spoke to him. Do you feel a little better about that situation?

” If Ethan had to list the things he loved most about Willa, her understanding of his comfort levels would be in the top three.

Whether it was realizing that this situation was weighing on him or how she always noticed when he was feeling physically or mentally off, it eased him to know that someone he trusted was ceaselessly looking out for him.

“A lot better, yeah. He said he wants to start therapy because he feels himself shutting down, and I’ve never been prouder. It sucks being away from my family, which I’m sure you get, but it’s worse when you know they’re struggling and aren’t saying anything.”

Her smile was so warm, like sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, soothing and pleasant in the grueling winter.

“It must’ve been even harder on you because you’re the eldest, so you instinctually make everyone’s pain your responsibility.”

Ethan squeezed her to his chest and swung her in place. “Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for choosing to love me,” he whispered.

“I’ll always see you, and I’ll love you through everything,” she confirmed, cuddling closer to him.

He kissed her forehead.

Willa held his gaze. “I do have a favor to ask you,” she voiced.

“Name it.”

“I don’t have the mental capacity to do stage door, at least not for the next few nights. But even if you’re not up for it, can you try? I keep wrestling with how people will perceive me, and I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m pulling you away.”

He shut his eyes for a beat, agreeing wordlessly with a nod.

“I realized something last night, and I wanted to tell you today, but I’m not sure how you’ll react,” he started.

“Try me.”

“Well, now that people know about us, I don’t want anyone else beside me at the Tonys,” he paused, grazing his fingers across her blush. “But only if you’re comfortable by then. I don’t want it to stress you out. If it will, then we can sit away from each other or something.”

She gave him a sidelong glance. “What about your parents?”

He shrugged. “ I’m not winning, so I told them not to bother. Plus, it’s graduation week. It’s always a stressful time for them.”

“Ethan, you don’t know that. Why would you rob them of that experience?”

“They’ve been the last two times. It’s not the end of the world.”

She gaped at him. “But this could be monumental for you. Your performance is perfect. Your chances of winning are higher than ever.”

He placed his hands on either side of her shoulder. “If that’s the case, I want you to be the one next to me. You’ve made me a better performer. You’ve helped me stay sane every step of the way.”

She kissed him, slowly for a moment. “I’ll pluck up the courage for you.”