Page 27 of A Certain Step (Midnights at Pemberley #1)

Ethan guided his hand to her cheek. “You’re safe with me, Willa.

Whatever you say, I’m taking it to my grave.

And if you can’t tell me right now, that’s okay, too.

I want to know so I can understand how I can be good to you.

But if it’s too much for you to say it out loud, then I get it.

I’ll follow your lead and all your cues. ”

“Thank you,” she said first. “I might as well just say it. Plus, I know you, and I know that even after I reassured you at Miles’ party, you probably played it over in your mind.”

He agreed. He had done that.

She continued. “I think, to some degree, I just wanted to have something so badly that I sort of convinced myself he could be the one because he’d stuck out longer than the rest. So, I started persuading myself that I owed it to him to see if he was right.

And maybe even to myself—to just get it over with because it kept gnawing at me. ”

Willa paused, taking another deep breath.

“So, one day when we were hanging out, I let him touch me…And I hated every minute of it, tried my hardest not to cry, not because it hurt or anything but because I felt so disturbed by him touching me like that. I should’ve known before, really, because even kissing him wasn’t enjoyable.

After a few seconds, I asked him to stop, and he was an asshole about it. ..”

She worried at her lower lip before continuing. “He pulled away, thankfully, but then he basically mocked me. His exact words were, ‘You need a good fuck, Willa. You need to grow up because you’re not gonna get over this shit if you don’t.’ And then he left. I broke up with him after that.”

Fuck. A lump housed itself sharply against his pipes. He tried to speak, but her name came out in a croak.

He tried again. “Willa, I’m so sorry.” He pulled her into his chest and held her there . He didn’t know what else to do. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

Willa straightened herself but stayed right beside him, mere millimeters away. “That’s just it, Ethan. It’s human to get tired of waiting and…”

He shook his head a bit too aggressively, but the thought alone ripped him from the inside.

“Willa, stop, please. Yeah, men fucking suck sometimes. I’m not above it, and I’m not going to make myself sound like a saint when lord knows what’s crossed my mind when I’ve watched you dance.

The things I’ve thought about and the ways I’ve wanted you.

But beyond anything else—in spite of all my feelings and urges—you’re my best friend first .

I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did something to push you away.

And I know that might not be easy for you to believe, but I’ll prove it.

I’ll be as patient as you need. I’ll do whatever you want me to, but I can’t keep pretending I only see you as a friend. ”

She nodded. “There’s something else.”

“What is it?”

“Your fans.”

“My fans?” he questioned. “What about them?”

“The public in general, really. I’m pretty private when it comes to my personal life on social media, you know that.

I post here and there, but I’m not as active when it comes to my private life, nor am I as known as you are, thankfully.

I like it that way. But you’ve been around much longer.

And I know how you’re going to counter all this because I know you, but I don’t think I have the willpower to be called a gold-digger or a leech.

I know you understand my hesitations and fears to a degree, but I can’t stand claims that I’m using you and God knows what else.

I’m too damn anxious and insecure. I realize I chose the wrong career, but alas. ..”

His eyes went wide. None of this would’ve ever crossed his mind, but he could see where Willa was coming from. He hated it but understood it, no netheless. His fans could be hostile at times, and he wasn’t sure how to handle that either, advised by his publicist to ignore it as often as possible.

“The ones who’d talk would talk no matter who you were.

A bunch of people would love it, and a select few would loathe it.

There’s no rhyme or reason. I am sorry about that, and I wish I could control it.

But please don’t let that be a reason we stop ourselves from trying.

Please. We can keep it as private as you want.

We hang out often anyway. It wouldn’t look any differently to those who don’t know us, no matter how closely they pay attention. All of this—we’ll…we’ll figure it out.”

She took a breath, a sadness he couldn’t place making its way into her eyes again. “I know. I do. I’m just scared. Please don’t break my heart,” she begged, and at those very words, the pain in her voice, the fear in her eyes, his heart sank. He knew exactly what she meant by it, too.

He lifted his hand and pressed it to her cheek. “I’d demolish my own if I ever hurt you. You’re safe with me, Willa. I promise.”

“Can we keep it between us for now?” she asked.

“Yeah, but you’re going to tell Sahar, aren’t you? Isn’t that a girl code thing?”

The question made her chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true, not a girl code, but I’m also sure she already knows what’s happening. Now that I think of it, Christian probably does, too, but I guess, just…not everyone? Not yet, at least?”

“If that’s what you want,” he replied, thinking through the next question he wanted to ask, hoping and praying that it wouldn’t come off wrong. “What are you comfortable with?”

“What do you mean?”

“In terms of intimacy. I’m not talking about sex but other things. I know performing is different, but can I kiss you when we’re alone?”

Her dimpled smile was so perfect that it shattered him .

“You better kiss me,” Willa declared, inching closer.

He could feel the canyon carved by her doubts slowly shrinking. Lips to lips, thighs to thighs, whatever came from her willingness to fill the space between them, Ethan Everett knew that he was about to become the happiest man in the world.