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I set the bottle down on her kitchen table. “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“I messed up last night.”
“Is that what this is all about?” I go over and sit next to her.
It starts to make sense now, why she was avoiding me today. It was for Bug’s benefit. She didn’t want to throw fuel on the fire. Then again, it doesn’t explain why she didn’t text me back. Unless maybe she’s been stuck with Mitchell since the reception.
Still… it seems there’s more to it than that. I can read it in her eyes.
“Don’t worry about Bug. She’ll get over it. Besides, you did nothing wrong. What happened is on her. I’m the one who should be apologizing for my kid making a scene.”
“It wasn’t her fault.”
“Of course it was. What she did was childish and selfish.”
“But sheisa child. And maybe she’s allowed to be selfish when it comes to you. You’re all she has, Asher.” She sinks back into the couch. “I’mthe adult here, yet what I did was even more childish.”
“What do you mean?”
Her eyes close. “I ruined the entire night. Your father-daughter campout. And her dance. You should let her go to the dance. What happened wasn’t her fault. It was mine.”
“How is what happened possibly your fault? Because you wanted me to kiss you? Al, I wanted to kiss you all night. So if we’re placing blame, at least we can share it.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t know any better.” She looks at me, guilt oozing from her eyes. “I knew she was there, Asher. It’s why I asked you to kiss me. Iwantedher to see us. I’m not even sure why. It was petty and stupid and I’m so sorry.”
I find it hard to hold in my laugh. “That’s what all this is about?”
“I just think”—she looks out the window—“maybe this is all getting too complicated.”
Instantly, my delight disappears. “Wait, what?”
“Aren’t you tired of sneaking around? Of lying to your daughter? Of her acting out and now me doing ridiculous things because, what, I’mjealousof her?”
“Okay, listen.” I grab her hand. It’s stiff at first, then she relaxes it into mine. “First, you didn’t ruin our night. We still pitched a tent and slept under the stars. She may not have spoken to me much, but she didn’t need to, I did most of the talking. Allie, I told her about us. About seeing you when I travel—which she already suspected by the way. She knows I… like you. And she knows you’re the only woman in my life.”
And there it is. It’s a conversation we’ve never had. Never—not once—has she asked whether or not I’m seeing anyone else. I’ve never brought it up because I’m afraid of her reaction. Butright now, with her seemingly wanting to pull away, I have to tell her.
“Al, I can’t promise Bug will be accepting of this. But at least she knows. And I’ve asked her to be more respectful of my choices. But really, after tonight, it won’t matter much because the only time you’ll cross paths is when we visit Marti and Charlie. And I understand why you did what you did. Sometimes I forget how this must be hard for you. I’m this older guy with a teenager. You rarely get to see that part of me. When I come to the city and we’re together, you get all of me. When I’m at home in Orlando,shegets all of me.” I wave a hand around. “It’s these times when my two worlds converge where it gets messy. I’m sorry you got caught up in the mess.”
“Out of curiosity…” She picks lint off the pillow, not making eye contact. “Since when have I been the only woman in your life?”
I pull her onto my lap. “Since the day Marti and I drove into Calloway Creek and I saw you on the steps of the winery.”
She stares down into my eyes and I swear I can see a battle going on behind her baby blues. Is she trying to figure out if I’m worth it? Me and all my baggage? Is she asking herself if she’s willing to deal with the occasional messiness of my life so that once a month she can haveallof me? Or is she still thinking it’s all too complicated?
“Allie.” I cup her cheeks. “You don’t need to overthink this. I want you. You’re all I can think about since seeing you in that dress earlier. I want you whatever way I can have you. And right now, I want to have you here on this couch.”
The battle ends as she leans down and crashes her lips to mine. Relief overtakes me. I know how fragile this thing with her is. I’ve felt all along that it could end at any moment. With a text. With me being stood up at our hotel in the city. With none of those, but instead just… nothing—poof, gone. Because we neverdefined this. She doesn’t owe me anything. But why then, do I want to give hereverything?
There is a hint of salt on her lips, confirmation that she was crying earlier when she was holding Mitchell. It makes me want to grab her and never let go. Tell her that whatever she’s thinking, whatever she’s feeling, I’m here. I’ll be with her. I’ll protect her. I’ll love her.
But all I can do is convey those feelings with my lips. My touch. I pull down the spaghetti strap on her shoulder and let my mouth devour her neck. Her clavicle. The upper part of her chest. She lets her head fall back as I explore every inch with my tongue. As I taste her sweet skin, savoring it as any delicacy should be savored.
I’m growing painfully hard, a situation I’m confident she’s aware of since it’s her movements on my lap that have caused it.
I lift her sundress up and over her head, and, Jesus, she’s braless.
It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen Allie in all her naked glory, every time is like the first time. I cup her creamy white breasts in my hands. “You’re fucking beautiful.”