Page 118

“It’ssonot about that.” She sobs into a pillow.
“Bug, talk to me. I know this has been a hard adjustment for you. But it would have been hard if we’d stayed in Orlando. Surely you understand that.”
She shakes her head, still face down on the pillow. Her words come out muffled. “At least there it would have been just us.”
I brush her hair aside to try and see her face. “Sweetie, even if it weren’t Allie, I would have met someone else I wanted to be with. This was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“But why? We were happy just the two of us. We don’t need anyone else to come into our lives just so they can…” She buries her head even deeper into the pillow.
“Just so they can what?”
“Nothing. Forget it.”
I roll her over so she has no choice but to look at me. “Bug, just so they can what?”
She swallows. It looks almost painful. “Leave, okay? Just so they can leave.” She rips herself out of my arms and turns away.
My heart is lodged in my throat. Allie was right all along. This isn’t about me having a woman in my life, it’s about Bug’s insecurities over women leavingher.
I try to console her but she just cries harder. “Nobody wants me because I’m such a freak.”
“That’s not true.”
“My mother didn’t want me. My own mother, who gave birth to me, just gave me up with one scribble of her signature. Has she ever once tried to find me? Asked how I was doing? Sent me a freaking birthday card?”
“But it’s not because she knew you and thought poorly of you. She was young. She didn’t want to be a mother. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Nothing. Right. And Stella?”
“Oh, baby, Stella left because she was sad over not being able to have a child.”
“B-but she had m-me.Iwas her child. And she left. She didn’t even bother to say goodbye. She just decided I was too much trouble. What happens when…” She looks over at the door. “Whenshedecides I’m too much trouble?”
It all comes together and hits me like a Mack truck. Her behavior around women I’ve dated. Her aversion to Allie. Her overall attitude since we moved. She’s being difficult on purpose, perhaps in an attempt to push Allie away before she becomes too attached to her.
“That’s never going to happen,” Allie says from the doorway, holding a plate of food. She cringes, looking guilty. “Sorry, I saw she didn’t eat anything. I didn’t want her going hungry.” She holds out the plate to Bug. “I thought you might want this.”
“You thought wrong,” Darla bites. “And you shouldn’t eavesdrop on private conversations.”
“Asher, do you think I could have a minute with her?”
I’m hesitant to leave. But I feel maybe they need to hash this thing out after Darla finally spoke her fears.
“Dad, don’t,” Bug says when I get up.
“This is between the two of you more than it is anyone else. Listen to her, Bug. For me.”
She rolls over, turning her back to us. “I’m done talking.”
Allie gives me a sad smile and nods to the door, letting me know she still wants to do this. I leave knowing this could very well be the moment that defines their entire relationship. I leave praying it won’t be the moment that completely destroys it.
Chapter Forty-one
Allie
I don’t sit on her bed. She wouldn’t want that. I pull over the same chair I slept in Thursday night, sit down, and try and figure out what to say. It gutted me when I heard her say what she did about me deciding she was too much trouble. All of this stems from her being afraid.
“Life is scary,” I say.