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I nod even though I don’t agree. I’m not sure she will get over it. The eighth-grade dance is a big deal. And she’s going to blame me. For everything. The dance. The special father-daughter night they had planned that most likely got ruined.
Maybe this is all becoming way too complicated.
“Hey,” I say, picking up my own mimosa, “this day is all about you. Now let’s go get ready. I can’t wait for you to be my newest sister-in-law.”
She smiles big. “I’m soooooo ready to marry your brother. Truth be told, I’ve been ready since the day we met after my car skidded off the road and stranded me with him.”
“I know. I could tell that about you from the moment we met.”
Her smile doesn’t fall as she cocks her head.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I could say the same thing about you, you know. The moment you and Asher laid eyes on each other—it’s like time stood still. I could practicallyfeelit. It was intense, Allie.”
I think back to that very moment. When I was on the steps of the winery and Asher came driving up with Marti. She’s right. Timedidstand still. My breath catches in my chest just thinking about it.
Oh, what a simpler time that was.
“Come on.” I pull her toward the suite. “Let’s go make you the most beautiful bride who ever lived.”
~ ~ ~
Three hours and zero additional conversations with Bug later, I’m smiling as Charlie, the ring bearer, and Maisy, the flower girl, walk down the aisle. After them, Bug and I carry our bouquets past the small crowd of friends and family.
Then I turn and my breath catches as Marti comes into view, looking even more captivating than when I left her just tenminutes ago. She’s glowing as Asher walks her down the aisle toward my brother.
Well, it’s not so much an aisle as it is a shell and flower-lined path in the sand, the sparkling bay as a backdrop. But it’s perfect. The sun is high in the sky. There isn’t a cloud to be seen, and everyone’s eyes are on the gorgeous bride.
She isn’t the only one who’s gorgeous, however. Holy hell. I’ve never seen Asher look so handsome in his beige linen pants, crisp white dress shirt, and tie the exact color of my blue-green dress. But I think what makes him so incredibly beautiful in this moment is the pride on his face. The love he has for his sister is so palpable I’m almost jealous of it. For all intents and purposes, he’s been Marti’s father since she was twelve. And he did an incredible job raising her.
I look to my left, where Bug is standing as Marti’s maid of honor. He’s doing an amazing job raising her, too. And here I am throwing a wrench in all of it.
Asher kisses Marti’s cheek and hands her off to Dallas, who has a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.
I never thought there would be a time I’d see my brother happy again. Marti and Charlie, though, they’ve brought him that happiness.
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever have that.
Happiness.
It’s such a foreign concept to me now. Has been for all of my adult life. Sure, there are times when I laugh, smile, and feel joyful. But being truly happy—like all the time—is an unclimbable mountain, an unfathomable feat.
I stare at Asher as he takes his seat in the front row. Since I’m just a bridesmaid and have no real duties here, I have nothingtodo but stare at him. I stare at him as his sister pledges her life to my brother. Then, when Dallas says his vows, speaking of love after loss, it hits me like another arrow to theheart. Marti and I have such similar stories. The main difference is, she doesn’t hide her loss. She wears her loss on her sleeve like a badge of honor, whereas I keep mine locked up in a little compartment in my heart.
And despite how much I’m drawn to the gorgeous man who’s now staring back at me, that compartment takes up so much room, I’m not sure there’s any space left for anything else. Not even for the man who’s looking at me likehewants to be the one standing at the altar reciting vows of love and destiny. Likehewants to be gazing into my eyes speaking of forever.
A glimpse of blue hair in my periphery breaks the spell I was caught in. The dream I was lost in.
Asher’s eyes are telling me what he wants. But I’m not capable of what Marti and Dallas have. I can’t do happy. And I certainly can’t do forever.
Things like that can’t exist for me. They simply can’t. I’m a shattered woman. And not even the love of an amazing man can put me back together when pieces of me will be gone forever. Because if I’m not mistaken, hedoeslove me. He’s never said it, but his eyes don’t lie.
Which is why I have to look away and put my focus where it should be, on Marti and Dallas, the two people who actually have a future together. There are no secrets between them. No hurt that hasn’t been overcome. No angsty teenage drama to get in the way. No hoops and hurdles.
Using Bug as a convenient excuse, I push aside any hopes and dreams of a future I know isn’t possible.
But even as I try to blame Bug, I know full well she’s not the reason I should end things with Asher. It has absolutely nothing to do with her, no matter how much I try to tell myself it does.