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She scoots further to the other side of the bed.
“It’s scary for everyone. Some people are afraid they won’t make enough money to put food on the table. Some worry they’ll never find someone to spend their lives with. Some are so fearful of the entire world that they won’t even leave their homes. Everyone has something they’re afraid of.”
“Says the girl who has everything.”
“You really think that? Darla, you saw the urn and the ashes. You know about Christopher.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You really have no idea, do you? I’ve lived in fear for ten years. Losing him was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And guess what? After it happened, I wasn’t about to let it happen again. I was never going to have more kids.Ever. I was never even going to be in a long-term relationship, because those usually lead to kids.”
She exhales a deep throaty cackle. “And how’d that work out?”
“These babies weren’t planned. Falling in love with your dad wasn’t either. Both of those things just happened. And I’m glad they did. I wouldn’t change a thing.
“For so long I was so afraid of being hurt by having another baby, I refused to allow myself to live and be happy. But now? Now I’m already part of a new family. You and your dad are that family. The babies are too.”
I lean forward and touch the bed, not that she can or wants to feel it, but I need to do something with my hands. “My brother Dallas lost his first family, you know that. He was never going to love anyone again for fear of another loss. Then he met your aunt. Look at them now.”
“I still don’t see what any of this has to do with me.”
“Darla, I get that you’re afraid of letting another woman into your life. One who will only let you down. I’m not going to let you down. But I’m also not going to try and be your mom if that’s not what you want or need. We can be friends.”
“Whatever.”
“I love you, you know.”
“Yeah, right.”
“It’s the truth.”
“How could it be?” she says, her voice still muffled by the pillow.
“Because you are a part of your dad, and I love everything about him. You are an extension of him.” I take a chance and move over to the bed, relaxing a little when she doesn’t try and push me off. “I’m not going anywhere. I plan on being in your lives until the day I die, which will hopefully not be for another sixty or seventy years.”
“I’m sure Stella thought that too. You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I guess you’re right. I can’t predict the future. All I can do is show you how I feel and hope you’ll believe it to be genuine.”
“Friends don’t narc each other out.”
“Your dad had to know about what you did. And if it happens again, or anything like it, I’ll still make you tell him. Being your friend doesn’t mean letting you make bad choices.”
Finally she turns to face me. “He actually had no idea. I thought you would have at least told him I lied to you about sleeping at Aunt Marti’s.”
“I didn’t tell him anything.”
“Yeah. Obviously. He freaked out.”
“He was worried about you.”
“And if I didn’t come clean today? What would you have done?”
I shrug. “I knew you’d tell him. You’re a good kid, Darla. But being a kid myself once, I also knew you needed a little time to get up the courage.”
“You really wouldn’t have told him?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”