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And if I can’t blame anyone else, there’s only one person Icanblame.
Chapter Twelve
Asher
Allie barely said two words to me at the reception. Is she mad at me? For leaving the rehearsal dinner after our interrupted kiss? For not calling her after?
The two texts I sent this afternoon haven’t even been read as far as I can tell. Tonight is my last night here. Whatever is going on with her, I’m determined to figure it out.
After leaving a pouting Bug with Sarah, who’s babysitting Charlie and Maisy for the evening, I stop at the shop, buy a bottle of wine, and head over to Allie’s bungalow. We didn’t officially make plans, but it was implied that we were going to spend whatever time we could together.
But that was before she almost completely shut me out today.
Approaching her door, I hear a baby screaming. She’s not alone. When my knock goes unanswered, I check the knob. It’s unlocked, so I go in. I expect to see Regan and Lucas since I’m sure it’s their baby, Mitchell, who is exercising his lungs right now. But the two of them aren’t here. It’s just Allie and the baby. And what I see causes a flood of emotions, even more than what I felt at the wedding.
Allie is trying to comfort Mitchell. He’s cradled in her arms and she’s swaying him back and forth, singing to him so softly it’s hard for me to hear over the child’s cries.
Finally, after another minute or so, he calms. And that’s when it happens. Her voice pierces my goddamn heart, solidifying her place there as if she hadn’t already taken up residence. Quietly, she soothes him with a lullaby as she looks out over the impressive view.
Her back is turned to me and I remain quiet so she doesn’t know I’m here. I don’t want to ruin this moment. The moment that has me envisioning a future with her unlike any I’ve ever imagined. Because watching her body sway as she holds him, I can almost picture her in a different room holding a different baby.
After Stella, I never thought I’d want to go down the road of trying for another child. I decided Bug was enough and put all my efforts into raising her. But watching Allie with Mitchell, a longing deep inside me percolates to the surface. I want this. I want it with her.
But then I remember what she said about kids not being in her future.Ever. But, Jesus, she’s a natural. My heart aches thinking she may never have the joy of comforting her own child or the incredible happiness of bonding with another person in a way only a parent and child can.
She leans down and kisses him. “Sweet boy,” she says softly. “My sweet, sweet boy. God how you remind me of him. Your little Montana nose. The curve of your mouth. You’re… perfect.”
The last word comes out squeaky like she’s crying.
And I’m confused.He reminds her of him?Her brother? Kind of a strange thing to say.
“Hey, Al.”
She spins, surprised to see me.
I hold up a hand. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I knocked.”
She eyes the bottle of wine I’m carrying and looks… sad?
“I got stuck babysitting.” She walks over to a bassinet and lays Mitchell down. “My mom was going to watch all the kids tonight, but Charlie was feeling sick, so I offered to watch this little guy so he wouldn’t be exposed to anything.”
I go over and gaze down at him. “He’s a cute kid.”
“He’s the best,” she says, leaning over to gently rub his back. Her momentary smile fades as she closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath, her shoulders slumping as her fingers run across the soft cotton fabric of his sleep sack.
Then it strikes me. What she said about children not being in the cards for her. Maybe it’s not a choice at all. Maybe it’s more like a curse.
And that makes me sad. For her. For potential babies who won’t get to have her as a mom. Because obviously she’d be great at it.
“You’ve got an amazing voice.”
Her cheeks pink. “Just how long were you standing there?”
“Long enough.”
When she looks sad again, I try to lighten the mood. “We should definitely go to karaoke sometime.”
Instead of laughing, though, she sits on the couch and pulls a throw pillow onto her lap. Something is wrong.