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Bunching the shirt up in his hands, he turned to me. “Just relax. I’ll help.”
He slid the shirt over my head, and I shoved my arms through. My side hurt a lot worse than I’d realized, but it would feel better in a day or two.
He leaned over, pulling the bottom of the shirt over my breasts and down to my waist. When he looked up, our faces were only a breath away from one another. His eyes met mine, my heart picking up.
Without warning, Justin pressed his lips to mine. I inhaled sharply as shock washed through me. Ineverwould haveexpected him to do something like that! He’d said he never made the first move, and Luna had even mentioned that as well while we talked in private.
He must have thought my gasp was because of pain or disgust because he immediately pulled back. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”
I stared at him, stunned. My eyes were wide, and I was fully aware I must have looked bewildered or even offended, but I didn’t see that one coming.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated before rambling. “That won’t happen again. I don’t even know why I did it. I’m sorry if I hurt you. What an asshole. You’re even injured, holy shit.”
“No, no. Nothing like that,” I finally managed. “You didn’t hurt me, and I wasn’t offended. I was just…surprisedis all. I didn’t expect that. I thought you never made the first move. We jokingly call you the almighty god of indifference for a reason.”
“Uh, yeah. I usually don’t. I really am sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. To be honest… my cheeks weren’t red because I was in pain.”
My eyes shifted downward, but I still saw a faint smile on his lips. “I wondered about that, but I didn’t want to say anything and embarrass you. Still, I didn’tknowif you’d want me to kiss you, so I shouldn’t have.”
“Well, I really did. I wanted a hell of a lot more than that, but I’ve been trying to behave.”
“May I ask why? You don’t owe me an answer, and knowing you want to avoid anything sexual is more than enough for me. I won’t make the same mistake again. I promise.”
I sighed. “With Damian and Asher being such a huge issue right now and with how attracted to them I am, I can’t bring myself topursueany more guy issues. You’re the one guy who’s nice to me. And I know this is about to sound terrible, and you’ll probably be thinking, ‘oh, yay, the dreaded friend zone,’ but I can’t help it. You’re the only uncomplicated guy friend I have. I doubt you’d be too happy to find out that after kissing you, Damian pinned me against a wall and did something to me. Something Ilikedandwanted, despite me wishing I didn’t.”
He sighed, but he didn’t seem upset or angry—just thoughtful. “I can see why you’d think that. I don’t want to tell you what I think about anything because it would only add confusion. What Iwillsay is that you have quickly become one of my two best friends. I don’t believe in friend zones in the traditional sense. It’s a sexist bullshit way for guys to make women feel bad for not being interested in them sexually. So, please don’t worry about that. I would never think of you in that way.”
“You’re not upset that I didn’t kiss you back? I mean, had I realized what was happening before you pulled back, I definitely would have. I’ve wanted to for a while. It’s just…” I sighed heavily. “I’m just so confused. I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve always been a one-guy kind of girl, but lately, I don’t seem to know myself anymore. It’s a lot. All I know is that I want…” I paused, afraid of saying what was on my mind.
“You want everything,” he said matter-of-factly. I nodded, and he continued. “You want to separate yourself from the old you because that part of you died in the accident. You want to figure out who you are now, and that road is leading you to some scary places you’ve never been, and you don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Yes!” I said excitedly. “That’s it exactly!” I groaned. “I feel so selfish. I don’t like the word because I think women should feel free sexually and not be inhibited by others’ opinions, but I can’t help that I was raised in such a conservative area. So, I feel a bit slutty. More than a bit. I feel wretched.”
“And that’s the part of yourself you need to shed. Because you’re right. Women are just as entitled to a rich, full sex life as men are. The straight men who convince women they’re ‘whores’ have to sleep withsomeone, so why men are celebrated and women aren’t is beyond me. The math doesn’t math.”
“Yeah. I’ve wondered the same damn thing.” Ugh, I felt awful, but I found myself angry I didn’t get to kiss him back. What would it have been like? Would it have been rough and passionate like Damian? Heated and sensual like Asher? Would it be something else unique altogether? Something in between?
“What’s up?” he asked. “I can see the wheels turning.”
I sighed again and rolled my eyes. “I’m mad I didn’t kiss you back. Now I feel like I’ll never know because I’m a stubborn ass who just wants to be your friend, but I’m also kinda slooty, and Ireeeeallywant to.”
He laughed. “Okay, how about this? One kiss. Get it out of your system. You’ll know, you won’t be curious, and you can move on with your life. Give me the word, and I’ll make it theworstkiss of your life. You’ll never want to kiss me ever again. I’ll make it really sloppy and weird.”
That made me laugh harder than I expected, which made him smile bigger. It didn’t help my headache, but it helped my soul. Justin was wonderful. He was everything I could ever hope for. Why the hell was I interested in Damian and Asher? It made no sense!
“Okay,” I said. “I like this idea. Maybe not theworstkiss, but definitely not your best. How’s that?”
“I can do that. Knock your socks off, but don’t melt the panties. Got it.”
I groaned. “Maybe don’t mention my panties.”
He laughed again. “Double got it. You sure?”
I nodded. “Trust me. I have anxiety. If I don’t get this out of my system, Iwillobsess over it every time I see you. I don’t want that.”
“Very well then,” he said, his voice a little lower than before. The sound of it immediately made me throb. Now that I knew what was about to happen, my entire body felt like it was on fire. “Ready?”