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As the dazed feeling began to wear off and I started to process things a little easier, I stretched out my legs and leaned back on my elbows. At first, I thought “Damian Junior” was a bit too far. That I was nothing like him—at least not anymore—and that the Asher Jackson that Temperance Wilder met was far different from the person I was even a year ago.
But I was wrong.
A year or more ago, it was nothing for me to come in and push a kid into a locker just for getting in my way. I loved when Damian picked a pet for the semester or year because it gave me an outlet for all the rage I felt on a daily basis. The mind games were fun, and it reminded everyone just how powerful we were. No one could touch us, even the staff.
Then one day, the game had lost its appeal. I didn’t get off on power plays anymore. At some point, I realized if I had to keep establishing my dominance, then I’d failed at being on top in the first place. People knew not to fuck with me. I didn’t need to remind them every thirty seconds. But after the things Temperance said, it made me wonder how much of that was me and how much of it was my sociation with Damian.
Had I been deluding myself into thinking I’d created my own persona outside of Damian over the years?
Had I lazily been coasting in his wake this whole time?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. When people saw me, they more than likely associated me with Damian. “That’s Asher. He’s in Damian’s group of friends.” But I’d bet my left nut that when they saw Damian, they didn’t associate him with me. They didn’t think, “That’s Damian. One of Asher’s friends.” The rest of us just revolved around him because he was his own fucking planet.
Ugh.Temperance was right.
“Fuck.”
I groaned again as I pulled myself up off the floor. I’d fucked up…hard.
Not only was she right about me, but instead of trying to prove her wrong, I slipped right back into old habits. I didn’t defend myself with honor to show her I was a good guy. No. I tapped into the cold darkness of theoldAsher. The one who could and would be absolutely ruthless to dominate the conversation and rip the heart out of the person I was battling against. That was the version of me I thought was truly gone.
Clearly, I was wrong.
It became clear it was still thriving below the surface, and I had simply done my best to hide it from everyone. I was a fucking dick, and she had every right to call me out on it. She went way too easy on me for the awful things I said. Especially knowing how fresh her wound still was. It had only been two months since they’d died, and she had PTSD from the whole thing.
I picked up the key she threw at me and stared at it like it could provide me with answers. How in the hell could I undo what just happened? If someone had said something like that to me—and I’d actually loved my parents—I didn’t think I could have let that go. There was no world where I would just shrug, smile, and say, “It’s okay! No worries!”
Temperance had every right never to speak to me again, and a disturbingly large part of me kind of hoped she wouldn’t. Not only did I deserve it, but I didn’t want to risk ever hurting her like that again. However, since I knew Damian was a permanent fixture in her life for a while, the least I could do was cushion the impact he had on her when he inserted himself into her life.
Whatever she was going through, she was drawn to him. I might not have liked it, but it also wasn’t my business or my place to say anything. She was drawn to me, too, and that was something that gave me hope. It made me feel excited for the first time in a long time. She was incredible, and I’d wanted to see what could become of us.
That was, until tonight, anyway.
All that was over now.
The only way I could protect her was to never let myself get that close to her ever again. The truth was, I was worse than Damian. He had the dark and dangerous thing going for him, and he wore that out in the open. What you saw was what you got. There were no illusions there.
Tonight, I realized I was something worse. I let her believe I was a nice guy. That I was someone worth knowing and trusting, and she had. Then I proceeded to show what laid hidden beneath the surface and destroyed her.
Damian may have been a douche, but at least she knew that ahead of time. She didn’t see it coming with me, and that broke my heart.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TEMPERANCE
I’d barely made it into my room and locked my door when my phone rang. I stood, fists clenched and eyes tightly closed. “I swear to fucking God.”
Pulling out my phone, I sighed with relief as Rick’s name flashed across the screen. I was worried it would be Asher calling to finish the fight—or worse—Harper.
“Hello,” I said, my voice coming out a little rougher than I’d meant for it to.
“Whoa, hey there. You okay, kiddo?”he asked.
I walked through the living room of my apartment and over to the bar in the kitchen, flopping down on the pub chair. “Yeah, sorry. It’s been… a long day.”
“I called to see how your first day went, but from the sound of it, it wasn’t good.”
I huffed. “That’s putting it mildly.”