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Who fucking knows…
Maybe she already had.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TEMPERANCE
Having Asher show up at all was embarrassing enough, but him waiting outside the bathroom for me while Icleaned upwas even worse. The guilt factor went from boiling to radioactive. Then there was the anger component. Why thehelldid I feel guilty any-damn-way? I had nothing to feel guilty about, but logic and emotions weren’t exactly known to go hand in hand. Especially for my dumb ass lately.
Asher sat on one side of agriculture class while I sat on the other. True to his word, he told the teacher I’d had issues with my locker and didn’t know what to do because I was still new. Mr. Collins was all smiles as he thanked Asher for his kindness.
It took everything I had not to roll my eyes.
Those boys had the whole school wrapped around their fingers, but not me.
Ugh.Another jolt of anger shot through me as I recalled that Damianliterallyhad me wrapped around his fingers not but thirty minutes before.
God, I hated him.
After class, Asher tried to stop me, but I kept walking. I wanted no part of whatever their issues were. They might have been best friends, but they both clearly had some issues. If I had to guess, it stemmed from Damian’s fear of inadequacy and coming in second best. For Asher, it was his issues taking orders from someone he felt was his equal. Someone who was supposed to be his friend, not his superior.
“Please, Tempe… Uh, Temperance. Just talk to me. I wanted to apologize for last night,” he said.
I kept walking, hoping he wouldn’t grab me and pull me into some dark corner as Damian had earlier. “No, I think you’ve said all you needed to. I know I’ve certainly heard all I needed to.”
“You said some things that—”
I spun around then. “You are not about to blame this on me, right? Because I can promise it won’t go well.”
He smiled softly and shook his head. “Sixty seconds. Please.” I sighed and nodded, and he continued. “You said some things that hit me hard. They hurt, and I overreacted. At first, I was convinced you were heartless and had deliberately hit below the belt just to hurt me, and you did. Hurt me, I mean. But it didn’t take long of me sitting on my sore ass on that gym floor to figure it out. I realized that wasn’t true at all.”
“Go on,” I responded when he paused, waiting for a reply.
“You trusted me. You trusted me, not only with your trauma, but with your body. You allowed me to touch you, kiss you, and I used that access as a way to prove I was better than Damian. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I do now. I was a dick, and everything you said hurt like hell, but it only hurt because it was true. What I said, however, hurt you because it wasn’t true. Your parents are gone, but they wouldn’t be ashamed of who you are. They would be proud. I barely know you, and I know enough to know that. It was me who punched below the belt, not you, and I’m so very sorry for that.”
His words were kind—beautiful, even—but they were still words. He’d said sweet things the day I met him, only for his actions when I saw him the first day of school to completely obliterate everything I knew. Everything that had happened with us since had done nothing to dissuade me of that. It was one terrible thing after another.
“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate that, but there are two things you need to understand.” He nodded, his eyes staring into mine. His expression seemed determined, focused intently. “I will never apologize for my sexual side. I’m eighteen. I’ve just gone through absolute hell. I’m done feeling guilty, and I’m done feeling ashamed for something that is no worse than anything you’ve done. Certainly Damian. Have you had sex with more than two people?”
He nodded. “Yes. Many times over that, actually.”
“Well, I haven’t. So, you and Damian might know who you both are sexually, but I don’t. Hell, Luna asked me if I was bi, and I couldn’t even answer because I genuinely have never questioned anything about myself. I don’t know because I don’t have the experience to know. So, everyone calling me slut and whore? Yeah, I couldn’t care less. They don’t know me. I know me. They’re wrong. End of story. However, what you did to me made me feel like a whore. I felt trashy and disgusting, and I will never forget that. You can apologize all you want. I appreciate it. But from now on, I will make exactly zero apologies to you or any-damn-body else for figuring out who I am after losing literally everything I’ve ever known and everything that made me, me.
“If I want to have casual sex with a couple of people separately… Not your business unless you’re one of them. And then, the only business it is of yours is if I’m being safe about it, so I don’t put you in danger. If I want to have wild orgies… again… not your business. You don’t get to decide what makes someone a whore when you’ve had sex with countless people yourself. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me while it’s okay for you because you’re a guy. That’s misogynistic, biased, 1950’s, outdated bullshit, and you can just take it all and shove it right up your ass.”
He fought a smile when I’d grown super-heated. I felt my face turning red when heat blossomed in my cheeks, and my heart raced as I went off on him. He stood and listened to every word, so I had to give him some credit for that at least.
“I completely agree,” he replied.
I nodded once. “Good. Then we understand each other. You should know that words are pretty. They can be deceiving. Actions speak louder than words, and so far, your actions tell me you’re someone I can’t trust. Someone I shouldn’t trust. Despite how comfortable I feel with you, my brain is telling me to run far and fast. If you think that’s wrong, that’s on you to fix. Not me. Understand?”
He nodded. “Understood. Thanks for talking to me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mmhmm. Have a great day, Asher.”
After that, I left him and headed to my locker to get my stuff for creative writing second period. It bothered me that I checked to make sure Damian wasn’t around, but I assumed that was just something I’d have to get used to fighting with. I couldn’t control him, but I could control myself. If I could avoid him, I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences that come with just being around him.
Or the terrible andawfulattraction I had to him.