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I was warming up to him.
Looking out at it now, I was grateful it happened like this instead. My dad wasn’t there with me, but it was his absence that had led me there. It was symbolic enough to mean something to me, and it made the tears that had been working up for a few minutes spill onto my cheeks.
“Hey,” Asher said quietly from beside me. The back of his hand caressed my arm. “You okay?”
I didn’t dare look at him. I didn’t want them to see me crying for a second time, though, I assumed that ship had already sailed since he had to ask if I was alright.
“Yeah. It’s just… perfect. It’s perfect,” I said. “I was supposed to go to Florida with my dad on my twenty-first birthday to see the ocean. It would have been my first time seeing it. I skipped out on parents' weekend because my dad’s dead and gone, but somehow, I ended up at the ocean. This is the first time I’ve ever seen it.”
The boys looked at one another before turning back to me. Damian leaned forward and put his hands on my shoulders. “Then you should enjoy it. He wouldn’t have wanted you to see it from inside this car on top of a hill. Leave your shoes in the car and let’s go.”
We got out of the car, and Damian came around to hold my hand. It was such a kind gesture that I was a bit taken aback at first. I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t. Then, Asher grabbed my other hand.
Damian glared at Asher for a moment but put whatever he was thinking aside. “Let’s go,” he said again, leading the way down the hill.
The wind whipped through my hair, and it felt unbelievable. The sound of the water, the birds, and the breeze made my heart feel full. It was everything I’d ever wanted.
When we walked down to the beach, Damian stopped and looked down at me. “You should go,” he said, gesturing toward the beach. “Take a few minutes to yourself. Walk on the beach. Feel the sand between your toes. Step out into the water. Sit for a few minutes. Just… go exist for a while alone.”
I couldn’t stop the surprise from filtering into my expression. My eyes were wide, and my brows raised as I stared into his green eyes.
“I’m having a hard time understanding why you’re being so nice,” I said. “I realize I said truce and all, but not being a dick and beingverynice and considerate are two totally different things.”
He shrugged. “Family is important. I have a piece of shit for a father, but apparently, you didn’t. Go be with him for a few minutes. I’ve been to enough therapists to know that shit’s supposed to be cathartic. I’m going inside to set up your room.”
I blinked several times before finally nodding. “Th-thank you.” I looked over at Asher, and he stared at Damian, his expression both soft and mildly surprised. I was glad it wasn’t just me.
The boys walked away, and I slowly made my way down to the beach, watching every step as my bare feet sank into the warm sand. I smiled as more tears fell.
“Fuck it,” I said to myself. “Let them come.”
Instead of holding back, I welcomed all the pent-up emotion I’d spent days, weeks, months trying to suppress. My chest ached, and my eyes stung. I let all the pain I’d felt—all the grief, fear, and anxiety I’d had—wash over me as I took my first-ever step into the ocean.
Kneeling, I placed my hands in the wet sand as the tide pulled back out to sea. I pushed them into the sand and grabbed two handfuls before lifting them and crumbling the crystals back to the shore. I smiled as the tide came back in, and I allowed it to wash it all from my skin.
The water was cool, but not too cold. It reminded me of getting in a pool in June for the first time back in Indiana. The water was always still way too cold when the pools opened on Memorial Day, but about the second week of June, they felt nicer. It wasn’t until early July when the water was warm enough to just jump right in.
The ocean temperature was perfect regardless. I looked out into forever, my eyes wandering across every inch where the water touched the sky. It seemed infinite, impossible. It was a dream. I felt a little foolish. I knew people looked at it every day, and it was no different than someone in Indiana looking at endless tree lines, but to me, it was magic.
I didn’t have any idea how long I was out there when the boys returned, but it was long enough for me to cry my heart out. I felt like Jell-O. My body felt weak, like if they pushed me, I’d just collapse into the water and stay.
But it feltamazing.
I was so relaxed. So happy. The sadness had faded, and suddenly I felt ready to accept my future. While I knew it was very possible that was a fleeting feeling, I found myself hopeful it would stick around. I didn’t want to live in fear anymore.
I wanted to be free.
But future Temperance wasn’t my concern right then. Only present Temperance, and she wanted to enjoy the water, the beach, the beautiful weather, and the gorgeous guys who accompanied her on this little trip.
The gorgeous guys who were being nice to present Temperance.
I decided to not bother myself with future Damian and Asher, either. No way was I going to ruin this trip for myself.
Knowing my time alone had come to an end, I closed myself off once again. “I love you, Dad,” I said into the wind. I knew the guys were behind me, but I didn’t care.
Let them see me vulnerable, I thought. It wasn’t like Damian wouldn’t find somethingelseto torture me with if he so chose.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Asher said, kneeling beside me. I was soaked from the waist down because I just sat in the wet sand and let the tide roll up over me every time it came in. “We wanted to know if you wanted something to drink.”