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I fucking loved it.
I’d started to realize that maybe I wasn’t weird or broken at all. My therapy sessions and exploring on my own were helping me learn more about myself. I was able to connect the things the psychologist said to my behavior and feelings. And one thing had become clear…
This isme.
It isn’t trauma or some anxiety thing or a negative coping mechanism. It’s just… me. They had shown me a part of myself I didn’t know existed. Sex wasn’t bad, and enjoying it wasn’t either. I’d never had an experienced sexual teacher. I’d had two serious boyfriends I’d had sex with. Both were positive experiences, even if the relationships were crap. But this was new and exciting.
And I was with two guys who may not emotionally care about me, but it was obvious they’d avoid hurting me or doing something I’d regret later. Unfortunately for me, I knew what I wanted, and I knew they wanted the same damn thing, but they were just being stubborn because they didn’t trust I knew my own body and brain.Damn them and their need for control.
I fought against Damian again when he took me through the barroom and into the living room.
“Wild One, he might be the one who gets off the most on this shit, but don’t think for an instant I won’t spank your ass for disobeying. I know what you want, and Ireallywant to give it to you, but you need to be patient. Eat first. It’ll help sober you up even faster.”
I groaned and went limp against him. My bodyached. “But Damian,” I whined. “Iamsober! Do you haveanyidea how much this sucks? How badly I want you both?”
“Hmm,” he moaned. “Probably as much as we want you. Especially with you being so fucking submissive and needy. It’s a different side of you, and it’s sexy as fuck—just as sexy as your take-no-shit side. Like him, I havesomany things I want to teach you, so this is hard. Now, knock it off. You’re not the only one suffering here.”
“Are you trying to be good becauseyoudon’t want this? Or are you trying to be good because you thinkIdon’t want this? There’s a difference. If it’s for you, I respect that. I’ll leave you guys be if you don’t want me. If it’s for me, however, stop trying to control something that isn’t yours to control.”
He set me down and pulled my pants up before gripping my shoulders to steady us both. “You’re grieving, a little buzzed, and you have a hard time saying no to us. That’s abadcombo. You’re treading into territory you’ve never been in, having two men at once. If we fucked you—especiallyboth of us at the same time, when you’re as inexperienced as you are—you might hate yourself for it later. You might feel used and degraded. Like a cheap object we passed back and forth between us.” He inhaled deeply before sighing heavily through his nose. “Baby steps, gorgeous. If that ever happened between us, I’d want you to feel powerful, like a queen in control, even if you had both of us dominate you. Got it?”
“What makes this any different than you pinning me against the wall byyourchoice and finger fucking me until I come all over you?”
His eyes closed, his grip tightening on my shoulders for a moment. I spared a look down and saw that he was still rock hard under those thin pajamas. His cock pulled the waistband away just enough I could see where the light dusting of dark hair across his chest and stomach led to down below. I licked my lips.
“First, don’t talk like that,” he ordered. “Second… it’s just different. Okay? I may always be suggestive and a bit forceful, but you know Ialwaysgive you full control. Ialwaystell you how to stop me, so you feel safe—even when I’m being a controlling dick. Here.” He turned me to face a thick pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. They must have done it while I was cooking. “Have a seat.”
I spun defiantly to face him, stepping closer. “You do, and I appreciate that. I enjoy the attention you give me—well, the good kind. The fun kind. You being rude and a prick, not so much. That being said, I think it’s time you got a taste of your own medicine.”
He smirked. “Is that so? However do you mean?” His tone was condescending and mocking, but I didn’t mind. I figured I’d put him in place soon enough.
I grabbed his hand and placed it between my legs. “You don’t want to know how wet you both made me?” His entire body stiffened. “You don’t want to know how much it hurts when you tease me like you both have tonight?” I grinned. “I know from experience that ache won’t go away until I’m filled. Until it has something to spasm around. Is that what I shouldn’t talk about?”
His jaw ticked several times as he glared at me. He stepped even closer to me, and my heart skipped as I anticipated what he’d do.
Damian reclaimed his hand and roughly grabbed either side of my face and leaned down, resting his forehead against mine. His entire body trembled.
Holy fuck.I couldn’t even imagine how hard he could fuck me if he ever let it get that far. He was restraining so much power, and it only turned me on more.
Leaning forward, he kissed me softly. It was the gentlest kiss I’d ever received, certainly the gentlesthe’dever given me. It felt almost…romantic. Like there was more behind that kiss than just desire.
“Temperance,” he said breathlessly, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine again.
“Yes,” I replied, my voice no better.
“You are so fucking perfect, and it kills me sometimes. If you still feel the same in an hour or two, or tomorrow, or the next day, I will give you anything andeverythingyou could possibly want. Anything you wish will be mine to give as many times as you want and in whatever way you want. You can use me however you desire as long as it brings you pleasure. Please, just wait, baby.”
I inhaled sharply as a wall I’d built—one that I was too stupid to realize had crumbled—completely crashed to the ground. His eyes snapped open and stared into mine. I was shocked at my own realization, but he looked like he’d been absolutely horrified. Full-on saw a bus full of people drive off a bridge, horrified.
Surely, he hadn’t…meantto call me that…
Did he call girls that so often that it just slipped with me right then? Or was he feeling the moment like I was earlier and accidentally let it go too far?
He backed away from me like I’d burned him, and I stared down at the floor, knowing where this was going. My heart shattered in my chest, and I felt the full, crushing weight of my denial. Denial I’d thendeniedeven having. The truth was that something I’d worked hard to ignore had been slowly growing over the last month, but it had seemingly blossomed over the last ten hours.
“Wilder,” he said, and it felt like a stake in my heart. He called me that when he was trying to be unfamiliar. Distant. I’d almost gotten used to the sound of my real name on his lips.
“Don’t,” I said, my voice suddenly cold and indifferent. “I already know.”