Page 47

carter

From the beginning, I haven’t had any difficulty in coming to terms with my sexuality, but now that I’m faced with speaking to it—with coming out—I’m suddenly nervous.

My biggest hurdle was accepting love and giving it to someone else, regardless of their gender.

Am I completely ready to share this part of me with my family?

Can’t say I’m eager to have this conversation, especially when they’ve only ever known me as a playboy.

I’m confident nothing bad will come from me sharing my sexuality with my family, but I know I’m going to get some shit for it.

But I don’t want to keep Finn in the dark.

We deserve to live out in the open and not have our lives and actions ruled by fear over what people will think.

I want to start living with him, and this is just one more step in that direction.

Finn’s dad’s reaction replays in my head and I wince.

The pure disgust was loud and clear. My heart pangs for Finn to have that kind of man as his father, and I really want my family to accept him as one of us, just like they have with Ivy, Blaire, Hannah, and Charlie .

While I know Finn is anticipating my family reacting badly, because that’s the only experience he has had, I’m confident that it’s just going to be an uncomfortable conversation rather than a negative one.

They’re going to be surprised, but nothing will change, except for maybe some jokes here and there—especially from Dallas.

My poor Finn. He deserves all the love and support in the world, and I really hope that my family can be that for him.

We’ve just gotta get through some hurdles first. And this is the first one.

Ready to get this shit over with, I relax on the couch that sits inside our tasting room at the distillery and pull out my phone, bringing up my texts. My only unread message is from Finn, and I open it up with a smile on my face.

Finn: You’ve got this. I can be there in 10 if you want me

Me: Nah, I’ve got it. They’re a crazy bunch of assholes. Better to pull the Band-Aid myself.

Finn: K. I’ll be at your place waiting. I love you

Me: Love you too

Closing out of his chat, I open up my sibling group chat, ready to get them here and do this.

My mind and body are now oddly at one with each other—calm.

Which is such a contrast to who I’ve been for as long as I can remember.

The tension that normally sits tight at the base of my neck is gone, the panic and anxiety that rises so quickly has receded.

I’m at a place for the first time in my life where I feel completely and truly at peace.

And I’m ready to live that openly rather than hiding.

I type out the only words that I know the five of us can’t ever ignore. The seven little words that will make all of us drop everything and anything and come running.

Me: Grandpa caught me drinking his whiskey again

We created our code phrase after Sawyer and Dallas literally got caught drinking our grandpa’s whiskey.

Liam and I came to the rescue, coming up with an elaborate lie that they were just interested in the family business and were taste testing and some other bullshit we came up with on the fly.

We’ve each used it a handful of times over the years, but have a pact to never abuse it.

Dallas is the only exception because, well, he’s Dallas.

I think, given the circumstances, it’s appropriate for me to use it for the first time.

A reply comes immediately.

Dallas: Where?

Me: Distillery. Got some news. Need you all to come

Sawyer: Be there in 15

Liam: Same

Dallas: Already omw

Kinsey: Be there shortly

I release the pent-up air I was holding in my lungs, relaxing further into my seat, letting my head drop down on the back of the velvet-upholstered couch.

Now I just need to wait for them to get here.

I don’t think any of them are going to care, my family loves hard and unconditionally.

But I know it’s going to shock the shit out of all of them.

I’m a notorious playboy. Reformed playboy now.

I laugh as the realization hits me while I stare up at the large wood beams in the ceiling.

Jesus Christ. People are going to get a good laugh at this.

I’ve fucked my way through this town, not something I’m crazy proud of, but we were all willing partners. I’ve had more than a few conquests that tried to settle me down, who fell for me and thought they could change my ways, but I never felt anything with any of them.

Turns out, I was just waiting for Finn Nash to barrel into my life, knocking the whole goddamn thing off course, making me feel something other than immediate gratification in the moment. I feel everything with him. And I sure as shit don’t want to keep him hidden.

The rumble of a motorcycle and several cars hits my ears from outside as my siblings arrive. I take a deep, steadying breath, letting myself picture Finn waiting in my bed for me, glasses on his face, book in his hand. Yeah, I’ve got this. It’s worth it. He’s worth it.

“Dude you’re pale as fuck, are you dying?” Dallas says as my siblings walk in, Dallas leading the pack.

“I wish,” I grumble under my breath as my stomach rolls slightly, but I take a deep breath, imagining Finn’s warm hand covering mine and squeezing, and I focus on staying in control.

“Really? How shitty are you going to feel if he is dying, dickhead?”

“So, we’re back to dickhead? Thought I was dumbass? Get it straight, shithead.”

“They’re interchangeable depending on the day because god forbid you do anything consistently.” Sawyer and Dallas bicker back and forth, and I shake my head.

“Hey, Casanova, what’s got you so blue?” Kinsey says as she plops down next to me on the couch.

Meeting at the distillery made the most sense.

Needed a private place, but didn’t want to have to kick them all outta my house, and I want to be able to leave when I’m ready for space.

Liam starts to pace, running his hands through his hair, wracking up my nervous energy as Sawyer stands off to the side, his large arms crossed over his chest like he’s waiting for the bomb I’m about to drop and already thinking of ways to handle it.

“Spit it out,” Sawyer demands.

“Then take a seat, you’re making me nervous as fuck, shithead.”

Reluctantly, my remaining two brothers take a seat around the coffee table in the sitting area of our tasting room.

I look at each of my four siblings, surrounded by the rich history of our family distillery, the grounds that we all grew up on, the business that runs deeply through each of our veins.

The lights are low, everything dark around us except for the single overhead light where we’re sitting.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself.

Reaching for the whiskey, I pour five glasses with a heavy hand, figuring they all might need it.

“Damn, pulling out Liam’s good stuff,” Kinsey says as she reaches for her glass.

“It’s the family’s, not Liam’s,” Sawyer corrects, and we all roll our eyes in unison. Swiping my glass off the table, I toss it back in one go, the whiskey burning a trail down my throat, warmth spreading through my veins.

“I’m bisexual.”

“ Fuck ,” Sawyer says on a rough exhale, my spine stiffening, eyes falling closed, air sucked right out of my lungs.

Shit, was Finn right? “Goddamn, that’s the big news?

No offense, Casanova, but I thought you were about to tell us you knocked someone up or had some baby dropped off at your doorstep.

” My eyes snap open, my head jerking to look at my siblings.

Liam’s head drops back in a loud laugh. “For real! I was not expecting this, just for the record, but for fuck’s sake, I’m with Sawyer.”

“Christ. The fuck?” I ask, genuinely surprised by their reactions. I guess my extracurricular activities would make them wonder when I’ve gambled every time I stuck my dick into a willing female, wrapped up or not.

“Soooo, no surprise baby then?” Dallas asks for clarification.

“No, brother. No babies. Just also like dick, apparently. Or one dick,” I say, shaking my head. “Still not quite sure yet on the logistics.”

Dallas snaps his fingers loudly, forcing our attention on him.

“Does that mean we can call you cum-guzzler instead of Casanova?”

I can’t help it; I burst out laughing, a deep belly laugh that settles my nerves instantly. Leave it to Dallas to bring light to the situation. My brother’s an idiot, but damn if he doesn’t make us all laugh.

“Dude. That’s a good one, but maybe too soon?” Liam tells him, holding back his laugh.

“Definitely don’t want that nickname, dumbass.”

“Well, obviously we love you no matter who you love. But it’s honestly a little inconvenient for me.

I was looking forward to not being outnumbered, and if you end up with a man, then I’m still going to be.

I’ve already got too many brothers. Adding in Ivy, Blaire, and Han is obviously nice, but we’re still outnumbered with you overbearing dickweeds.

What the hell?” Kinsey says with a huge, teasing smile .

I laugh at my sweet sister and give her an apologetic wince. “Sorry, little sis. You’ll like him, though, I promise.”

“I’m just giving you shit. Maybe he’ll be on my side for a change. You protective assholes need to let me breathe and live a little.”

“Fuck no.”

“Never.”

“Nope.”

“Not gonna happen.”

Kinsey rolls her eyes and I feel bad for her for a moment, but it’s for her own good.

We know how men are, and we want to protect her from the pieces of shit out there.

We never want her to feel heartbreak, fear, or pain.

We can’t protect her forever, but maybe we can protect her until the right man comes along and takes over.

“So, you met someone, huh?” Sawyer asks.

I scratch at my jaw nervously.

“Yeah . . .”

“Well? You gonna give us some details?”