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“Are you close to your family, Carter?”

“Yes, ma’am, I am. I have four siblings—three older brothers and a younger sister—and we’re all a little too close for comfort some days.”

“Must be nice to grow up with a big family. Your mom is happy?”

I tilt my head at her briefly, slightly taken aback by her specific question, but I move on quickly, chalking it up to her relating to a mother of a family.”

“She is. I’ve never seen that woman go a day without a smile my dad has put on her face. It’s us kids who’ve given her all her challenges,” I tell her with a laugh. “I couldn’t imagine raising five kids, but she did it. I think my dad keeping her so happy made it easier.”

Finn’s “grandmother” smiles at me and nods her head.

“I’m glad to hear it. A healthy relationship makes all the difference! ”

We spent the next hour talking, Finn’s grandmother giving me little bits of the sweet child he was. Finn is relaxed in the patio chair next to me, his laugh genuine, a smile constant on his gorgeous face. It’s easy to imagine life with him, and that scares the shit out of me.

We walk back to Finn’s, side by side, eating lobster rolls that we grabbed from a food stand on the water.

I scarf down my first one in two big bites, bunching up the white paper and stuffing it into the bag before pulling out my second.

Finn chuckles next to me as he pops the last bite of his into his mouth.

“What?” I ask, unwrapping my roll.

“You really like ’em, huh?”

“They’re fucking good. I can see how someone wouldn’t, though. Kind of slimy, but also chewy? Weird fucking texture, actually, now that I’m dissecting it,” I laugh, taking another huge bite.

“So, your grandmother knows you’re gay, then?”

“I mean, yes and no. I never actually came out to her, but she’s put it together over the years, I guess.” He shrugs.

“You know, I was getting the impression you didn’t really have anyone in your corner, but she seems pretty amazing.”

“Yeah, she is. Our relationship is a secret, though. My dad would . . .” His words cut off and I give him a moment before I decide this time I am going to push him more. I want to know what haunts him; I want him to open up more to me.

“Your dad would what, Finn?”

His shoulders deflate as he looks up at the pink and purple painted sky.

“He’d cut me off.”

I stop in my tracks because that surprises me based on what I know about him so far. He doesn’t seem like the type of person who would kiss his dad’s ass just to have money or live his lavish lifestyle with his fancy-ass car and mega-mansion on the beach.

“Hey, I can see where your head just went and that’s not what I mean.

Believe it or not, Carter, I hate his money.

I’m grateful for the things I have and the life I lead, but it’s not the life I want for myself.

I always imagined I’d live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone.

I’d have a modest house that fits my needs perfectly, and I’d be able to travel and write.

Writing is all I have that’s mine, Carter.

And my dad owns the biggest travel magazine in the country. ”

The pieces start to come together. “It’s not the money. He’d take your joy from you.”

Finn sighs and I reach out and grab his hand, threading our fingers together and pulling him down the road. He doesn’t need to confirm what I already know. His dad’s a controlling piece of shit.

Once we’re back at the mega-mansion, I head straight for the shower while Finn pulls out his laptop and settles in on the couch.

I strip out of my shorts and step under the spray before it has time to heat up, welcoming the sting of the cold, refreshing water and enjoying a moment of privacy to get my head straight.

Mere hours with Finn feel like months. Being around him is as easy as breathing, it’s practically effortless, there’s no awkwardness in the silence or in conversation, and we both seem to anticipate the other’s unspoken needs.

I don’t even have that type of relationship with my siblings, who have known me my entire life, and all things considered, we’re extremely close.

Everything is different with Finn. The pull to him is so fucking strong, it’s nearly impossible to fight.

What is it about him that does it for me?

I’m oddly not freaked out at all by the fact that he’s a man, for the first time in my life, I’m feeling things that I thought were impossible.

The past two days have been some of the best of my life, and I’m trying not to stress over the situation that we’re going to face once we leave this little bubble.

But inside these four walls? It’s easy to forget all of it and let go with him.

It surprises me how easy, actually. When I’m with Finn, he has a spell over me, and I somehow simultaneously lose myself completely and feel utterly whole at the same time.

All reasonable thinking goes right out the damn window.

All there is left is Griffin fucking Nash.

This isn’t me at all, and that fear is still holding me hostage.

What the hell am I even doing? I don’t play house, hell, I’ve never had a sleepover before.

I’m meticulous about fucking and bouncing—no strings attached, no feelings, no sleeping next to each other, and talking about our pasts.

I’m feeling good in the moment, and after my post-orgasm clarity returns, I’m emotionless. I’ve never felt a goddamn thing before.

With Finn, I feel alive, and because of that, I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t recognize these feelings that are brought out in me by him. I know I’m falling for him. But that can’t happen.

An image of Sawyer lying lifelessly on his bed, brokenhearted and dead on the inside, flashes behind my eyes, and my walls get a little thicker.

I just need to get through the weekend, get the story for my family, and then figure everything else out after.

Right? I need to keep my head in the game, I’m here for one reason and one reason only.

The story. I can’t keep getting lost in Griffin Nash.

After my shower, my foul mood doesn’t simmer, my thoughts spiraling, on the verge of snapping.

I throw on a pair of shorts and a plain pocket T-shirt, grabbing my phone and laptop from my backpack, and head to the enormous living room.

I take a seat across from Finn on the sectional, putting my feet up on the ottoman, dropping my head back, and getting comfortable .

I see the quizzical look Finn shoots in my direction, probably wondering why the hell I chose to sit across from him when he’d want me next to him. Maybe because I’m trying to get space from you, jackass? I clearly can’t control my feelings when you’re next to me.

My phone buzzes in my hand as I’m pulling it out to check my emails and get some work done. Unlocking my phone, I’m not surprised to see it’s my sibling group chat, since I haven’t checked in since being here.

Sawyer: Checking in on you

Dallas: Yeah, how’s it goin’ Casanova? Clearing out that small town like you did ours?

Sawyer: Don’t knock anybody up on the East Coast, that’d make for a real shit situation

I internally cringe. No worry about accidental pregnancy happening over here on the other side of the country.

Me: I’m alive. He hasn’t murdered me in my sleep yet

Sawyer: There he is. Fuckin’ finally.

Dallas: But have you murdered him?

Liam: There’s the real question

Sawyer: No murder. No pregnancy. Just get on his good side and get the story to him

Me: I’ve got it under control fuckers

Sawyer: Just remember you’re working and not playing

Dallas: Yeah no dicking anyone down while you’re there

Liam: I think we drove it into his skull before he left. But a reminder is always good.

Sawyer: No fuckin’ around. You’re working. Work means no play Casanova

Liam: What he said.

Dallas: No play time means no putting your dick into anything but your hand.

Jesus Christ. That’s seriously how they see me?

I know how to handle business. Fuck this.

Fuck everything. I chuck my phone into the far end of the couch harder than I should, their words digging way deeper than they normally do.

I know they’re just joking, and I’ve given them a reason to behave this way, but fuck.

I’m doing the best I can, and I’m drowning myself in worry constantly to not fuck things up.

“What’d that phone do to you?”

“Nothing!” I snap.

Finn’s head bops back like I smacked him, a flash of hurt passing over his face, and I instantly regret my tone.

Even if he is the reason I’m in this impossible fucking position to begin with.

He’s the fucking reason I’m in this mess, for some fucked- up reason, he’s set his sights on me and everything is just fucked.

If he had just left us alone and never reached out, I wouldn’t be feeling this way.

I wouldn’t be across the country with him clouding my thoughts, muddling my emotions, and controlling everything I’m fucking doing.

It’s his goddamn fault I’m in this mess.

Not knowing who the hell I am, not understanding why I’m feeling the way I do.

When I don’t want any of it. I didn’t ask for any of this!

I stand abruptly, looking around for my running shoes.

I need to move. The pressure in my chest is closing in, my veins turning to ice.

Fucking shit. I hate this. Hate that everyone views me as just this fun-time playboy who’s down for whatever.

I’ve never given them a reason to think I can’t handle my shit, handle the business.

But you’re also giving them a thousand to think you don’t take anything too seriously.

Damnit, I hate feeling so weak. I’m frantically searching for my running shoes, needing to get this energy out of me before I explode.

“Where the fuck are they?” I practically yell. My body feels like it’s overheating, but my insides are cold, my head hazy, my heart racing at an erratic beat. Fuck, am I having a panic attack?

Finn grabs my arm, spinning me to face him, his other hand moving to my cheek. I can’t help but flinch at his touch, but he doesn’t waver. He stands strong in front of me, looking directly at my face through the lenses of his glasses. His voice is strong when he speaks again, calm and confident.

“Hey, hey. Look at me, Carter. Look. At. Me.”

I lift my eyes to meet his as he looks over my face, trying to read me, trying to figure out the unknown enemy making me spiral.

It’s clear he reads the panic on my face, and that makes me feel worse.

I don’t want him to see this side of me.

I should punch him. He’s the fucking reason for all of this shit right now.

But that would just make me feel worse. I don’t want to hurt Finn, as much as all of this is his fault.

His crystal-blue eyes pierce my soul with their depth.

I’ve never been looked at like Finn is looking at me right now.

Like he would burn the world down just to make me feel better.

Like I’m the center of his universe, and he’s ready to combust with me if that’s how it goes down.

The panic starts to recede like a tide moving out to sea, replaced by the fire that only Finn has the match to ignite.

“Talk to me. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Just talk to me.” His words are so sincere, no sign of a hidden agenda or lies. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it. No questions. Let me help you.”

I slam my mouth against his in a bruising kiss.

Just like every other time I’ve been with Finn, the stress evaporates into thin air.

My mind goes blank as my heart thumps hard against my rib cage.

I’m lit up with something completely new, a feeling so good I want to wrap myself up in it. An inferno that I’ll gladly burn up in.

“This what you need, lover?”

Yeah, this is exactly what I need.