Page 34

finn

The text comes well into the evening, and based on how I left things with Lexi, I knew it wouldn’t be long before he found out what happened in Maine. I know he’s the reason that she showed up there.

On autopilot, I shower, shave, and put on a pair of khaki slacks with a navy button-up shirt. After styling my hair and putting on my glasses, I grab my things, leaving behind my laptop since I know I’ll be returning after this meeting, and make the thirty-minute drive into work.

My dad is already in his office when I arrive, the tension in the air thick with disappointment, his anger palpable even through the door.

His secretary gives me a look that says I’m deserving of everything coming.

Pretty sure she’s been fucking him the last few months, but I wouldn’t call her out on it.

If she wants to bed Satan, that’s her prerogative.

I knock twice on his door before opening it, not waiting for him to invite me inside, as is the normal etiquette he expects.

To no one’s surprise, he’s sitting at his desk, a cigar in his mouth, even though it’s barely seven in the morning.

His hairline is receding, the once-chocolate-brown, lush hair now thinner and dusted with grey.

His beard is full, his cheekbones and jaw strong like mine.

He’s still handsome, even in his fifties.

I’m the spitting image of him, having only gotten my mom’s blue eyes.

I can see my future in front of me, sitting at a desk, angry at the goddamn world because I’m chasing something that I’ll never get.

His eyes rake over me like claws, making my skin crawl.

He truly is disgusted by me, I’m that much of a disappointment in his eyes.

Suddenly, nothing in the world is worth having to deal with him anymore.

Not after he ruined the single best thing I’ve ever had.

Even if Carter and I didn’t have the greatest start, I know it was real.

It is real. The past few days changed everything for both of us.

“You want to explain to me why you’re such a fucking idiot?

I spent all evening trying to come up with a reason why MY son was shacked up with Carter Hayes and why Lexi had to fly back to Washington in tears because you kicked her out on the streets!

The fucking streets, Griffin! Thomas and I have been in business together for two decades!

Her father is livid, and I have to make amends. ”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“No, that’s not good enough. I want to know why the fuck that scum was in my goddamn house with my son!”

“Dad, I’m almost thirty years old, it’s none of your business what I was doing.” I don’t know where the sudden courage comes from to talk back to him, but I feel so depleted that fear has taken the back burner for a change.

“Are you fucking him? Jesus Christ, Griffin, I knew you were pathetic, but to stoop this low? You’re a fucking disgrace! You disgust me!”

“I’m in love with him.” My father’s face pales.

The red of the anger slowly fades away and is replaced with an ashy grey.

I didn’t mean to say the words, but they came tumbling out of my mouth.

They aren’t wrong, though. I think I knew I loved him from the moment I saw him, and then I gradually fell in love with him more and more through every interaction.

“I don’t know what is worse, Griffin. The fact that it’s a man or that it’s a Hayes.”

“Why do you hate them so much?”

“Because he took everything from me!” he screams, his voice echoing off the walls of the office and piercing my ears.

“Who?”

My dad moves around his desk, and I brace for whatever is coming. He grabs a fistful of my shirt and jerks my body twice, my hands reaching up to clasp around his wrists.

“You’re going to get your fucking shit together or I’m done with you.

So help me, I will cut you off and leave you with nothing but the clothes on your pathetic back.

You’re going to apologize—no, grovel—to Lexi, and you’re never going to see that piece of shit ever again. Do you understand me, Griffin?”

His breath smells of stale cigar, and I try not to dry heave as he shouts the words in my face.

When I don’t say anything, he shoves me harder than he ever has before.

I’m so caught off guard that I stumble backward, grabbing at the wall to brace myself from falling right on my ass.

My dad may be an emotionally abusive asshole, but he’s never hit me.

This has been the closest. I’m not scared of him, but I am pissed.

Anger courses through me at an alarming rate. I hate this man. My own father.

“Do you understand?” he screams again, his voice so loud I know the rest of the office can hear him.

“What aren’t you telling me? Help me understand!”

“It’s none of your fucking business, Griffin. I’m your father, and you should have loyalty to your family above all else. I have expected respect and obedience from you, and you seem to fail at every turn. Fucking fix this or I’ll make you regret it.”

Knowing that his threat will ring true if I don’t figure something out, and fast, I nod my head in agreement before following it up with words. “Yeah, Dad. I’ll fix it.”

“Get the fuck out of my office. I can’t stand to look at you any longer, you pathetic mess.”

With that, I leave my father’s office to find his receptionist pursing her lips in a smirk.

I roll my eyes and walk out of his office with my head held high and shoulders back.

I’m not going to let him embarrass me. He’s the one who should be embarrassed about how he treats his own son.

I’ve always worked hard to make him proud.

I’ve always done everything he’s asked for.

He will never be happy, nothing will ever be good enough.

But I put up with it time and time again because I don’t have anything other than this. My career is everything. Until Carter.

Not wanting to spend a moment longer than I have to here, I take a deep breath as I push open the large glass doors, inhaling the fresh air.

Once I’m in my car, feeling more alone than I ever have before, I know I need to talk to Carter.

It’s all I want right now. Taking a chance, I pull out my phone and send off a text, not giving a shit how desperate I sound.

Me: Please give me a chance to explain.

“C’mon, Carter, please answer me.” I bounce my leg anxiously, wishing like hell he would just let me explain everything.

Something I should have done the moment I realized he was giving in to what we have.

Miscommunication is the death of everything, but fear held me back from doing what was right by telling him when I had the opportunity.

When he doesn’t respond, I send another one.

Me: I miss you

I don’t know how long I stare at the screen, willing him to reply, even if he tells me to fuck off, I just want to see those three little dots appear. But they never come.

I spend the next three days sleeping on and off, drinking too much whiskey, sick to my stomach, and not finding clarity. My phone goes off, and I’m desperate enough to hear from Carter that I snatch it off the coffee table with shaky fingers. My body deflates when I see that it’s from Trey.

Trey: Dude this is not okay. Don’t ice me out

Trey: I’ll come by and you don’t want that

Me: I don’t want company

Trey: Well look who it is. Glad to know you’re alive

Me: You’re a shit friend if you thought I was dead and you’re texting me instead of coming by

Trey: Fuck off. I’m coming by

Me: No. I changed the locks

Trey: The fuck you did asshole

Me: I’m fine man. I just want some quiet. I’ll check back in later

I toss my phone back onto the table, take more than a few long pulls from the whiskey bottle, and throw my arm over my eyes.

I doze off at some point and wake to the telltale click of the lock of my front door.

Hard footfalls bring the intruder closer and closer, but I don’t bother moving, too drunk to give a shit, and hoping maybe he’ll just leave. Or better yet, put me out of my misery.

“God damn, it reeks like old cheese and tuna that’s been left to bake in the sun.”

“Fuuuck you, no it doesn’t,” I mumble, my words slurred.

“This is worse than I thought it would be. Shit, haven’t seen you like this before, not even after Nick.”

“Why are you here, Trey?”

“Cause I’m in too deep, asshole. You’re my best friend, and I’m not gonna let you drown yourself in alcohol and sorrows. You’re better than that. Plus, you know too much, and training a new best friend would take too long, so I’ve gotta keep you alive.”

“Fuck off!”

“Damn, how much have you been drinking? Your liver is not going to be happy with you. C’mon, time to get up.”

I groan as Trey grabs my shoulders to forcibly sit me up on the couch, the room swaying and spinning like a motherfucker.

“If you puke on me, we’re gonna have issues. I’m making you some coffee, then your ass is getting in the shower, ’cause I wasn’t lying, your ass reeks dude.”

“Just leave. You’ve got better things to do than deal with my shit.”

“The fuck I do. I don’t know what your dad said this time, but it’s not true, Finn. You’re deserving of love, you’re deserving of friendship, you’re the best kind of man there is out there, you were just born to shit parents, and you don’t know how to break the cycle. Do you hear me?”

His words open up the dam that I’ve been holding back, the tears flowing freely from my eyes. I’ve spent so long trying to be good enough for everyone around me, and the emotional and mental damage inflicted by my dad is to blame.