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carter

Me: I can’t sleep

Finn: Me either

Me: I miss you

Finn: Who knew you’d be the needy one?

Me: For real, wtf did you do to me Nash?

Finn: Made you fall in love

Me: It’s disgusting

Finn: Truly

Finn: Sucks not being able to sleep when all I want to do is be there with you

Me: Open the door Finn

I can hear his footsteps as he jogs down the hallway and whips open the door. Finn looks at me, bleary-eyed and tired, but with so much emotion it makes my heart swell.

“What are you doing here?”

I shrug. “I couldn’t sleep,” I tell him matter-of-factly.

“So you drove thirty minutes in the middle of the night?”

“You can’t come to me, where you should be, so I came to you. A few hours of sleep with you is better than none at all away from you.”

Finn’s face softens, his breathing shallow, a look of awe on his face.

Without another word, he reaches for my hand, leading me to his bedroom, where I strip down to my boxer briefs and crawl into bed next to him.

We reach for each other on autopilot, both wanting nothing more than to just be close, to feel the comfort and warmth that we bring each other.

I’m so at home right here. I want to protect this little bubble we’ve built, but it’s not good for us.

We need to get out and live—together. I know that we need to stick it out, wait until we have better control of everything with his dad, but I don’t want to wait any longer.

Even if I am scared shitless about coming out to everyone.

“I can’t keep this up much longer,” I confess, hating the position we’re in, hating that my speaking the words out loud just makes the pressure of everything that much harder.

“My sweet man,” he breathes as his hand strokes across my forehead, brushing the strands out of the way. “Me either. Even if we didn’t have all this other shit going on, coming out is a big deal, are you sure you’re ready for that? ”

“I’m going to tell my siblings first, then my parents. But everyone else can fuck off. They’ll figure it out when they see us together. I don’t care about anything else anymore. I just want you, Finn.”

“Fuck, I love hearing you say that.”

“Yeah? What else do you love?” I tease.

“The way you hate to drink cold water, the way your eyes squint in pain before a panic attack, giving me just a moment to help ease it back before you spiral, your love of Marvel, the way that you are so unapologetically yourself with me, the way you put your family first, how hard you love, the way you fight and challenge me, your heart, the way you fuck.”

My heart nearly explodes with emotion, tears springing to my eyes. I’ve never been spoken to like that before.

“Fuck, I love you, baby.”

“I love you more than anything.”

Our lips connect in a long, passionate kiss, just a firm press of our lips together, our hands held tightly between us before we break apart.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“More than ever. Why?”

“I walked in on my dad with Lexi bent over his desk, skirt around her waist.”

I jump up onto my knees, pushing Finn hard in the chest.

“Ow!”

“I’ve been here for twenty minutes! Why didn’t you start with this shit?”

“Needed to make sure you were fully in it.”

I can feel the rage building in my bloodstream, my fists clenching hard.

Are we seriously taking ten steps back again?

Before I register what’s happening, which doesn’t happen often, Finn has grabbed me, flipping me hard onto my back, bouncing slightly on the bed as he pins my wrists above my head, his legs straddling me.

“Get those thoughts out of your head or I’ll fuck it out of you, and trust me, I won’t be sweet about it. I was joking. I was going to tell you, but I was so surprised to see you and enjoyed you being so needy.”

My breathing starts to settle a bit; I believe him, I just want to know how this is going to affect us.

“Tell me what happened.”

“Are you going to be a good boy?”

I practically growl at him, my dick throbbing under where he’s sitting on my lap, his warmth seeping into me. I know he can feel how hard he makes me without even trying.

“Finn . . .” I say in a warning tone.

“I’m going to blackmail him into letting me go silently. I want a clean break from him in every aspect of my life. I want the ability to work wherever I want without the fear of him leering over me like a puppeteer.”

His words stun me. I know his relationship with his dad is emotionally volatile, but the effort and courage it takes to fight back is immense.

I couldn’t imagine the weight of having a toxic parent, of loving them purely because they’re your parents, constantly trying to make excuses and justify their behavior, convincing yourself that you’re the reason for it—that somehow you’re deserving of it.

I’m going to spend my life healing every single wound and scar left by his piece of shit dad.

“Are you sure, Finn?”

“I’ve only ever been this positive about one other thing in my life. So, yeah, I am.”

I know the answer before I ask it, but I want to hear it anyway. “Which is?”

“You, lover.”

I smile up at him as he releases my wrists, and my hands move to either side of his waist, gliding up and down the smooth expanse of his torso.

“So, what’s our plan?”

“Well, I’m going to go in there tomorrow morning to lay it all out. I don’t anticipate him going down silently right away, but I’m confident he doesn’t want anyone to know he was fucking his attorney’s daughter.”

“Damn, I’m so proud of you. Do you know what you want to do? Where do you want to go after?”

“I’ve been thinking about my options. I may have worked at the Northwest Explorer, but my name is on every piece I’ve done. People know who I am. I’m a damn good writer, but I wonder if people will always wonder if there’s a story there, and I don’t want it lingering over my head.”

“You can’t leave writing altogether, Finn. You love it too much.”

“You’re right, and I won’t. I think I’m going to create my own travel blog for now.

It’ll be a slow roll at first, but all I’ve ever wanted was to tell stories, Carter.

Real stories about real people. My dad has this massive platform, and I was only happy to accept his abuse for as long as I did because, for the most part, I’ve been allowed to do exactly what I want to.

But I’ve been living behind the fear of the unknown.

It was easier to take his abuse than it was to rock the boat.

I’m ready for the next chapter. I’m ready to rock the boat. ”

“God, I love you. Your integrity, your courage, your resilience. You are my home, Finn. We’re going to get through this together.

I think this is perfect for you, and while you grow, you’ve got me.

You’re never going to be alone again.” His eyes shutter closed for a moment, opening with tears beaded on his thick eyelashes.

“Do you want me to come with you to talk to your dad?”

“Would you? ”

“In a heartbeat.”

He laughs, and I tilt my head, looking up at him while I try to read his humorous expression.

“I can’t wait to see the look on his face.”

“After we’re done there, I’m going to come out to my siblings.”

“Carter, you don’t have to . . .”

“No, I do. I want to. I need to. I love them and if we’re burning shit to the ground, we might as well do it together.”

“Do you think they’ll react okay? I know I’ve asked before, but I don’t want you to get hurt, and that fear is just a reality for others who’ve come before us.

This entire concept that we have to come out like it’s some fucking announcement that needs to be made, as if we need permission to love who we love.

But the fear is real, Carter. You think you know someone until you tell them you’re gay, or bisexual, or anything else that’s not in their realm of what they consider normal. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not afraid. If they aren’t supportive, or hell, even if they couldn’t care less, I need to know. Because those aren’t people I want in my life to begin with. So, better to figure that out now at twenty-five than later.”

“I just need to say it again. You don’t have to do this right now. Don’t do it for me.”

“I’m doing it for us, Finn. You’re worth it. You’re enough, you’re all that matters to me.”

The emotion that consumes his face is enough to bring me to tears. I fucking love this man.

“Okay. I’m with you. No matter what.”

“No matter what.”

The next morning, Finn and I get ready together in his bathroom, both of us vibrating with nervous energy for what we’re about to do.

The drive is fucking exhausting, and I can’t believe he just did this back and forth yesterday.

I haven’t had to drive into the city in a long-ass time and I don’t plan on repeating it any time soon.

I love the seclusion Aspen Ridge gives us, our tiny town where everything is practically within walking distance.

There are no big box stores, no skyscrapers to block the natural views of the mountains.

Our air is crisp and clean, and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

Once we’ve been on the road and the sun has come up, I send a text to the sibling group chat letting them know I won’t be at work.

Me: Got something to take care of and won’t be in today. I set up my out of office reply, and left some things for Marcus to take care of.

Sawyer: Should we be concerned?

Liam: Did something drop we haven’t seen yet?

Me: No, just got some stuff that needs my attention

Kinsey: Lay off of him, he’s a big boy

Dallas: Big boy who needs his lil sis to come to his rescue

Kinsey: Dallas I will throat punch you so hard you’ll need to eat through a straw

Sawyer: Thatta girl

Me: I’ll check in later

I pocket my phone and take a deep breath. They can’t make anything easy.

“Go better than you thought?”