Page 14

“I’m sure it happens often. Didn’t take you long either,” I joke, my lips against the warmth of his neck.

“Fuck off, Hayes.”

“You first, Nash,” I reply with a small smile on my lips.

A beat of silence passes between us. And for a moment, we’re just two confused people, suspended in this space that neither of us seems to want to leave. The outside world is pulling each of us in a different direction, but right here, between us, it’s quiet.

“I don’t know your plans, but whatever you do, leave me and my family alone, Finn. Please .”

He pulls back slightly so that we’re eye to eye, one of his hands reaching up to cup my jaw. He looks pained, like he’s holding onto something and trying to keep it locked up tight.

“You don’t know me yet, Carter, something I plan on rectifying, but I would never ruin someone’s reputation.

Ever. I also would never out someone’s sexual orientation or habits.

I don’t expect you to trust me with anything more than your body right now, but believe me when I say that will change. I’ll make sure of it.”

My heart flips over in my chest, a feeling so foreign I don’t understand it.

This man came into my life like a goddamn wrecking ball, and I need to get some sort of control back.

But how can I when he’s looking at me with those crystal-blue eyes like I’m the most important thing in the entire world.

I’ve never been looked at like Finn is looking at me right now.

“Finn, I . . .” My mouth opens and closes several times before I close it for good.

Not wanting to finish my sentence, unsure what the hell would come out or whether or not I believe his words.

I want to believe him. I step back, letting my eyes fall to the floor as I walk away, opening the door and leaving Finn standing alone.

I don’t stop until I’ve reached my car, the outside world instantly filling my head with noise, my body going numb.

My head has never been so clouded before. My entire life, I’ve lived in the moment, never taking anything too seriously—except my job at the distillery—and even if my actions tended to be a little seedy, I’ve never had a single regret, never felt bad about anything that I’ve done.

One thing’s for sure; I damn well haven’t ever had a hookup that fucked me up so bad after.

It’s like Griffin— Finn —crawled under my skin and rooted himself deep within the marrow of my bones.

It’s a mindfuck. The most shocking part of it all is that I’m not even that freaked out by the fact that he’s a man.

They’ve never crossed my mind before, and I’ve seen my fair share of naked male dicks and asses at the club, and they’ve never caught my attention, but then again, I wasn’t really looking.

It’s something I need to dissect later because I’m officially confused as fuck.

The bigger issue that’s taking up most of my focus is that being around Finn leaves me breathless and how I lost my head last night because of it.

His touch ignites something in me that I’m convinced I was incapable of feeling.

It’s like being sucked into his orbit, making him the center of my attention while he lights me up from the inside out.

I don’t know what these feelings are, but they need to stop.

I’m still confused about whatever the hell it is I’m even feeling.

Yet, he’s the one person I can’t have. The first person in my life to awaken some broken piece of me is the person who is hiding a world of shit.

I can see it in his eyes. I should be thankful—Finn is systematically and ruthlessly tearing apart everything I thought I knew about myself.

I need to put an end to it, and if Finn doesn’t stay away, I’ll have to.

I just need to get him to write the article first.

What the hell could he even be hiding? I’m still not sure I believe him that he would never try to out someone, but that may just be my anxiety talking.

I don’t want to let my family down, I want to get them the feature that could change the trajectory of our distillery and our town, but at what cost?

I thought I could whore myself out to him, but it’s clear all self-control goes out the goddamn window when I’m with him.

I can’t explain it. Like I’m walking around asleep, and one look or touch from Finn awakens me.

Everything looks, tastes, and feels different.

Fuck.

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can’ t I just have one thing in my life that is easy for me? That I can walk into and feel at ease, feel wholly myself, and not over-question fucking everything.

You feel at ease when you’re with Finn.

He needs to be purely off-limits. I don’t do emotional connection. I can’t give up control. I can’t. The thought alone scares the living shit out of me.

The pressure builds inside me, the panic getting louder and louder.

My body feels warm while my blood turns cold.

I need to move or I’ll blow. Quickly lacing up my running shoes, I strip out of my T-shirt and haul out of my house.

I live right on the edge of downtown Aspen Ridge in a modest house that my siblings have deemed my bachelor pad.

Too bad I don’t ever actually bring any dates home with me.

Gives them the opportunity to be clingy. I don’t do clingy.

Women easily confuse sex with emotions, and I’m positive I lack the latter. So, it’s always been easier to fuck in a bar bathroom, the back of a car, an alley, or my favorite and first choice, Temptations.

Then why have you pictured Finn in your bed every night since you met him?

Confusion and anger nearly choke me as I pull my front door closed and hit the pavement, setting a brutal pace right off the bat. My legs are quick to warm up, but I know I’ll be paying for not easing into it later.

Clarity doesn’t come after the first mile. I can still feel Finn’s lips on my neck, the light stubble that scratched at my skin as he nuzzled into me, breathing in my scent, dragging his tongue up and down the throbbing vein there. Why is that so hot?

Finn is turning my world upside down and I don’t fucking like it.

Especially when it’s not just me he holds power over.

My sex life may be a running joke in Aspen Ridge, but no one but Dallas knows about my membership to Temptations.

And he certainly isn’t keeping tabs on me if we both happen to be there at the same time.

I meant what I said that I own my choices, but that doesn’t mean I want anyone to find out that I’m a member there.

Our family? The businesses we supply to?

Our customers? Our brand? Would any of them care if I were openly hooking up with a man?

Fear latches onto me, propelling my legs harder and faster.

I need to be loyal. No, I have to be loyal.

My family, this distillery, it’s everything to me, and I have to protect it at all costs.

Even if the pull to Finn is magnetic. Something tells me that fighting the tether that’s wound tight between us is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Choosing between my family and the man I’m suddenly addicted to is going to split me in two, one half loyalty and love, the other desire and destruction.

I just need to survive this nightmare. Get Finn to write the article, and then I’m out. No more physical contact. Purely professional. I can do this.

I look down at my watch. Mile three. The early morning sun beats down on my body from a near-cloudless sky that is rare for our area, warming me from the outside in.

I relish the feel of it on my skin. I pump my legs harder, hoping the pain will push away the clawing desire to see Finn again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I turn around, knowing the three miles back are going to be a grueling bitch. Maybe by then I’ll have forced thoughts of that motherfucker from my head.

Once the front of my house is in sight, I sprint the rest of the way, pumping my arms and legs as hard as I can.

Stupid fucking mistake after a six-mile run in the rare heat that my body isn’t used to.

But maybe I’ll actually sleep later because of it.

Without images of the sexy male who my dick seems to crave floating behind my eyelids.

I heave forward, holding myself up with my hands on my knees while I suck in gulps of air and dry heave. Sweat coats my body, my skin salty and raw. The run helped, but it’s not enough. My mind is still swirling with a storm of shit I need to figure out. “Fuck!”

I need to hit something. Maybe one of my brothers will be down for a workout before we need to be at the distillery. I check my watch, and it’s not even seven a.m.

Me: Someone meet me at Dom’s

I send off the text to my sibling group chat, my skin tight, my head pounding.

I pace in my kitchen, chugging back a glass of water while I wait for one of them to respond.

Goddamn, everyone is so busy now that they have lives and families of their own.

I’m having a complete fucking meltdown and identity crisis, and no one is going to be up for meeting me for a reprieve.

Me: For real? What the fuck? None of you are gonna answer me?

Dallas: You didn’t use the code phrase so I figured it wasn’t important and I’m a little preoccupied

Kinsey: Eww.

Dallas: We’re finished now.

Sawyer: Poor Blaire

Liam: Ha. You walked into that one dumbass

Dallas: Shut the fuck up spunk rag

Me: For fuck’s sake is anyone gonna meet me at Dom’s or do I have to call Reid?

Liam: You don’t want to do that

Dallas: I had a shiner for weeks. I still can’t blink correctly

Dallas: Blaire says I’m crazy but I think that eye blinks slower than the other

Sawyer: You’re an idiot

Kinsey: I can come hang out with you there if you want? I can’t take a hit like they can but I can do my best for you.

Dallas: Do not hurt our little sister!