Page 20

The smell of old leather and sweat assaults my nose as I head to one of the free rings.

The dim lights of the floor illuminate the off-white mats, stained and looking like they’re overdue to be replaced.

For as long as I can remember, my brothers and I have been meeting here to go rounds in a ring, not because we want to hurt each other but because it feels better to fight than hold everything in.

And right now, nothing else could be more true.

I need this release. Running isn’t enough.

Sex has changed. Fighting has to work. I need it to.

My brothers trickle in, Sawyer leading the jolly band of asshats.

He’s focused, looking a little tired, no doubt from the newborn baby he’s taking care of at home, but I won’t let that fool me.

Dallas is wearing a sly-ass grin, and I just know that he’s going to be a huge pain in all of our asses.

He’s already making me want to punch the look right off his smug face.

Liam is right behind them, standing just slightly taller and broader, his face unreadable as he drops his gym bag next to mine on the floor.

“Hey, fuckers. You ready to blow off some steam?” I greet them, stretching out my arms.

“Yep. And I see you looking at me, don’t think for a second I’m slow because I’m going on two hours of sleep,” Sawyer spits in my direction, pointing his finger at me like I’m a naughty child.

“Whoa, shithead, no one would underestimate you. Calm down, big boy,” I taunt, poking the big, grumpy bear.

“You want first? Was ready to beat Dallas’ face in, but yours is lookin’ a little too pretty, Casanova.”

“I’m down,” I admit. He’s who I came here to fight, anyway.

We take turns taping our hands and wrists, getting our gloves on, and making sure we’re good to go to prevent any unnecessary injuries.

Sawyer’s a little taller than me, but we’re close enough in size that it would be a decent match, if he weren’t the obviously better fighter.

He’s calculated, a little slower and more deliberate, but I’m no weakling and can handle my own.

Plus, I’m not getting in here to win in a fight against a professionally trained fighter, I’m getting in here to blow off the incessant chatter in my brain telling me that I’m fucking up everything.

That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. Maybe I want the pain, maybe it’ll make me feel better to take the hits.

Maybe there’s a part of me that thinks I deserve them.

Sawyer and I climb into the ring, stretching out our shoulders and legs before we meet in the middle and tap our gloved hands together. Being in the ring with Sawyer is like watching a perfectly choreographed dance that you’re trying to learn in real time.

He’s smooth, flawless, completely aware of his body and his opponent’s at all times.

His wife, Ivy, says it’s magic, and I have to agree.

Getting in here with him, you need to be in the right headspace or he’ll throttle you.

But he’s also the first to pull his punches and take the hits if it means you working through some shit in your head. I’m hoping today I get the latter.

The moment we part, I take my first shot, trying to land one quick jab to his chin, but he’s up on the balls of his feet, bouncing out of the way, his footwork that of someone who’s done this a thousand times.

I brace myself as we round each other, Sawyer taking his time, squinting his eyes at me as he sizes me up.

I see the right hook coming, and the air whooshes past my face as I narrowly avoid the punch that would have my head spinning.

Music blasts from the speakers in each corner of the room, the bass thumping through the ground.

I recognize the song from one I used to play when I was younger, its lyrics fitting for going rounds right now.

I try to focus on the words, on my brother in front of me with his gloves in front of his face, bouncing around on the balls of his feet as he circles me.

But my head is filled with the noise I can’t shake.

I know I should come clean to them about everything, but I’m not ready for whatever this is with Finn to end.

That goddamn feeling I get when I’m with him. I can’t fight it.

You’re fooling around with someone who’s fucking with our family’s future.

The one person hell bent on fucking you around, holding the article over your head, and you’re too blind with lust to stop it.

You’re gonna fuck everything up and ruin everything we’ve built for sex.

Always thinking with your dick, Casanova. Never can take anything too seriously.

Fuck this shit. Sawyer continues to circle me, a quick jab making contact with my ribs.

The pain reverberates through my body upon impact, but I don’t back down.

We’re in it now. I throw a few punches back, trying to get a better feel for him.

He’s much too cocky for someone who just admitted to only getting two hours of sleep last night.

Sawyer weaves and ducks, making it damn near impossible to rattle his skull like I want, even though I know Ivy will hunt me down after.

I don’t know who I’m more afraid of. But right now, it doesn’t matter.

Sawyer takes a step in and I see my opening.

Shifting my weight, I go for it, throwing a hard punch straight on, the solid contact of my glove against his cheek making me grin.

He stumbles back, blinking in surprise, his lips turning up in a smile as he rubs his jaw like he’s trying to decide whether or not I just pissed him off or he’s impressed.

I got the upper hand on him for a change and damn if it doesn’t feel good.

Our brothers hoot and holler from the ropes, but I keep my focus.

“Alright, you’re awake now, baby brother.

Good punch. So, what’s got you worked up, huh, Casanova?

” he asks. But before I can respond, he’s moving hard, forcing me into a defensive stance, my gloves up to protect my face as hits rain down on me.

Based on the impact, I know he’s pulling them.

They’re lighter, still just as calculated as ever, but I know his punches feel like the weight of Mjolnir, and this ain’t it.

Shoving him off of me, he goes willingly.

Sweat beads everywhere, my body on fire, and I love it .

“Made contact with the writer for the Northwest Explorer.”

“Fuckin’ finally. He going to write a feature on us?

They seemed so damn eager to get us front and center.

Was not expecting all the fuckery you’ve had to deal with,” he says as he takes another jab at me.

I move quickly to return the blow, catching him with two rapid-fire uppercuts to the stomach.

It does the trick, knocking the air out of him as he stumbles, bending over for a quick moment to force some air into his lungs.

“Ooo! You’re gonna feel me later, aren’t you, big brother?” I taunt. “Yeah, it’s been a trip. But he’s traveling to his summer house this weekend, and it’s his only free time, I guess. Invited me to go with him. Was pretty persistent. Said it’s go, or no story.”

“What a dickhole,” Dallas chimes in from the ropes.

“Need help packing?”

My head jerks back to Sawyer. “For real? You think I should go?”

“Oh, you’re going. It’s not even a question, especially after those hits.

This could propel us forward even further, and you know it.

We want to expand, right? Use that Casanova charm and woo the shit out of him.

” Sawyer pushes the end of his gloved hand into my chest, knocking me back slightly with every little hit. “Get. Us. That. Feature.”

“I’m with Sawyer, brother. Sorry,” Liam says, making me drop my guard. Sawyer takes full advantage, giving me his full strength and landing similar punches right to my stomach and ribs.

“Fuuuuck!” I hiss. My ribs are definitely going to be bruised after that one.

Sawyer steps quickly into my space, his arm wrapping around my neck, bringing my forehead to meet his as I breathe through clenched teeth.

“You good? ”

“As good as I’m gonna be considering I’m going to meet this dickhead for the weekend.”

“Are we good then?”

“Always,” I tell him honestly, hoping like hell it goes both ways, even if I fuck everything up. I know exactly what will happen if I go away with him. Fuck, why does life have to be like this for me? I just want peace and ease.

Collapsing on a bench inside the locker rooms, I pull out my phone and bring up Finn’s number that I've saved and left unused.

I know going away with Finn is what needs to happen for my family, but that flickering ember inside me roars to life when I think about the possibility of being locked away with him for three days in a place where no one knows either of us.

That scares the shit out of me almost as much as losing the opportunity to work with him for this article.

Giving in to my brother’s demands, and knowing it’s what’s best for the distillery and my family, even if everything in my body is telling me this trip is going to change everything for me, one way or another, I fire off a text to the one person I don’t want to talk to, the one person I can’t shake my head clear of.

Me: Send me the address

Pocketing my phone, I grab my bag and head home, ready for a hot shower and some food.

By the time I park my car in the parking spot behind my house, my phone has gone off.

I chastise myself for not having the self-control to make him wait for a reply, but I’m too damn eager to see what he has to say.

Fuck face: No can do. We’ll ride together. I’ll pick you up early.

Goddamn, why does he have to make everything so difficult? Grabbing my workout bag, I head inside my house, kicking off my shoes at the door as another text comes in.

Me: Not happening. I can meet you there. I want my car with me

Fuck face: Who said we were driving?

Me: Where the fuck is this place?

Fuck face: It’s a secret

Me: You make it so easy to hate you

Fuck face: You wish you hated me, lover.

Me: I’m not your lover

Fuck face: The way you come so beautifully for me says otherwise

Fuck face: See you early then

I toss my phone into the tray on the table next to my front door, fuming. How the fuck am I going to survive a weekend alone with this bastard?

I know exactly what will happen this weekend.

Finn is a force I can’t fight. I’m weak in his presence, and I don’t understand it.

I’ve never had a one-night stand that I think about after.

I’ve had good pussy that I went back for a few times at the club but walked away from them without another thought.

Finn is different, and I can’t explain it.

His attraction to me isn’t something he keeps locked up.

I know he wants me, and my body gives in to the temptation every single time.

There’s the added question about what he meant about his dad, that he had to convince him to write the article.

I make a mental note to get to the bottom of that this weekend.

My original thought that I could whore myself out for the sake of getting the article has gone completely out the window.

I know I need to go into this trip with a clear head, but nothing that surrounds Griffin Nash is clear.

He fills me with . . . everything. Things I never thought I would be capable of feeling.

I lose myself completely. I can’t let that happen.

I need to go there, survive, get the article, and leave with some part of myself intact.

But fuck if there isn’t a loud part of me that desperately wants more of him.

Wants to know what’s different about him and chase the feelings he pulls from me.

I’ve never felt as good as I do with Griffin Nash.

Can I actually go through with this? I know we’ll hook up; it’s inevitable.

The tension between us is too strong, and we already know what each other sounds like when we come.

It’s not like the sex would be a hardship.

Shit, can I fuck another man? I’ve had a ton of anal sex, I can’t imagine it’s any different.

Even if everything about it is different.

Suddenly, I’m feeling like a fish out of water as my overthinking brain fucks me over and I spiral.

Does he even want that? Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’d want me to fuck him.

Shit, why am I even thinking about sex with Finn?

Why can’t I just chill the fuck out? I can survive this. I have to.