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carter

After my early morning run-in with Finn, I’m even more lost. Seeing him walk inside Bean Haven like he belonged there was an out-of-body experience.

My two worlds were suddenly crashing together, and I felt frantic panic claw its way up my chest. Once again, I found myself fighting with my desire to kiss him senseless or bury him in my backyard.

Lucky for both of us, neither of the urges won out this time.

Deciding I wasn’t in the right headspace to go into the office today, I got set up on my couch with my laptop, grateful that my job can be done remotely, and put on an Avengers movie to play for noise in the background.

I get caught up on emails, reviewing contracts to send to Dallas and our CFO, Lorelei.

I lose track of time and spend several hours working on a new marketing campaign and checking in with my project manager for our current accounts.

The ease of the work is fairly mindless, not exceptionally challenging or fulfilling, but I’m proud of it.

My family has worked hard to get where we are, and I enjoy being able to push the stakes higher to bring awareness to our brand and products .

Which then brings my head right back to Finn and the power he has to bring in more distributors, more businesses to supply to, and more events here at the distillery.

Late last year, we started offering tours and tastings as well as events, and it has been a big hit.

Our event coordinator, Blaire, is even thinking ahead to focus more on weddings and using the beautiful distillery grounds as their venue, and our spirits being served at the bar.

It’s been very successful, but it could always be better. The weight of that is on me.

My stomach rumbling reminds me that I’m human and should probably get some food in me.

There’s only one thing I want right now—a double bacon cheeseburger with garlic fries—but with Ivy on maternity leave from Barrel House and knowing they’ve cut down their menu, I settle on walking over to North Pass Market and Deli for a sandwich.

I slip on my shoes, grab my wallet, and I’m out the door for the quick walk around the corner to the deli.

The sun has retreated behind the clouds, and I miss the warmth of it on my skin.

I love summer and haven’t really enjoyed it yet, but it’s something I need to make a priority.

My brothers and I usually take a few trips to Grace Beach for surfing, even if wetsuits are still needed in the summer.

The walk is five minutes tops, and the only downside of living in Aspen Ridge is that there’s no escaping anyone.

Everywhere you go, you’re going to see more than a few people that you know.

This trip is no different. As I walk up to the deck portion of the deli to order at the window, Wes and Lily Draven are already standing off to the side, waiting for their food.

I’m really not in the mood to chat with anyone, but luckily, Wes isn’t much of a talker, unless it’s to Lily.

“Hey, man. How are ya?”

“Couldn’t be better,” he replies as he tucks Lily under his arm possessively. “That info help you guys at all? ”

Yeah, just wrecked my entire world, no big deal. Would have loved to live in ignorant bliss for longer than twelve hours, but that seems to be par for the course in my life.

“Like always. You really want to stay hidden out here in middle-of-nowhere Washington State?”

“Best way to live, in my opinion. Been a part of the rat race once, and I never want to do it again.”

“I get that. Well, we’re not gonna complain. You’ve more than helped out my family over the last year.”

“It’s not a problem. The work is simple.”

I bark out a rough laugh. “For a dark web computer whiz like you, maybe. That guy was a ghost, as far as I’m concerned. They’ve got so many writers over there; I couldn’t figure out who was who and which one was messin’ with me.”

And I definitely didn’t know the identity of the man who jerked me off at the club.

After chatting for a few and ordering my food, Wes and Lily head out, and I’m left waiting for my order, so I scroll aimlessly on my phone, checking the distillery’s social media accounts and pages.

Not wanting to run into anyone else today, I collect my sandwich and head home with my head tucked down.

I’m usually uncomfortable with the silence of eating by myself, and that’s why I tend to go out so much, wanting to fill the lonely space and time with strangers and the immediate, albeit quickly fading, gratification. But today, I just want silence.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, my head focused on the ultimatum that Finn dropped at my feet.

I know I don’t have a choice, but for some reason, it feels monumental.

Like, if I go with him, everything will change.

By seven p.m., I’m pacing the length of my house, running my hands through my hair, trying to decide if I want to go for a run, head to Temptations where I’ll just sit at the bar like a sad, lonely fucker, or punch something.

Deciding that I’ll try the latter if my dumbfuck older brothers aren’t too busy for me with their own new lives and families. Pulling out my phone, I don’t have to scroll far to find the group chat that’s always going off.

Me: Dom’s? Really need somewhere to put my energy right now

Dallas: Yeah, I’m down. Who wants their face smashed first?

Sawyer: Meet you there.

Liam: Yep. Could get a workout in.

Thank fuck.

I get to Dom’s gym, Knockout, before anyone else, which doesn’t surprise me since I live the closest. Each of my brothers has purchased their own property on the outskirts of town, all wanting their privacy.

Since I don’t take any of my dates home, I prefer to live within walking distance of everything I need and don’t mind the commute to the distillery every day.

My three brothers and I have been boxing at Knockout since I was a kid.

Sawyer and Dallas have always been destructive and physical when it comes to handling shit, and after they gave each other a serious ass beating as teenagers, our dad threw all of us boys into boxing lessons.

We each feel differently about it. Sawyer would have tried to be a professional fighter, even competing some and training with the owner, a former boxing champion and his son, Dom, who was headed to the Olympics before an injury kept him from it.

But the distillery called to him louder, and the thought of leaving Aspen Ridge in case Ivy ever returned was unthinkable to him.

Dallas enjoys it, but you can tell it’s just to handle his stress. He’s a ruthless jackass, taunting you to the point of losing focus. He and Sawyer usually match up unless one of us needs something different.

I typically fight Liam. He has all of us in weight and height, but he’s eerily calm and collected—until he’s not.

I pity the poor soul who gets on his bad side.

Where Sawyer and Dallas wear that side of them front and center, projecting it for everyone to see, Liam keeps it on reserve.

He can be a scary motherfucker when he wants to be.

He’s a kick-ass fighter but weightlifts to deal with his shit.

I run and fuck. But hell, I love to get in the ring with these assholes.

Our little sister, Kinsey, is a spitfire.

Chalk it up to having four older brothers, but she could probably take all of us in her sleep if she wanted to.

While she never wanted to fight with all of us in the boxing ring, my dad forced her to take the self-defense classes that Dom offers here at Knockout.

After she turned eighteen, she said she wasn’t going to keep taking the refresher classes, and he threatened to pull her tuition at school.

We all got a good laugh from it because Kinsey is also stubborn as shit, but ultimately, she takes the damn class once a year, and we hope she’s learned enough to always protect herself if she ever needs it.

I’m pretty confident in her, more so than our brothers, who don’t know how to ease off of her and let her try things for herself.

I walk into Dom’s, already in my shorts, a loose tank top hanging off my torso.

Dom, his girlfriend, and her other two boyfriends are at reception with Emma in Aidan’s lap.

Their relationship still catches everyone off guard, except for me.

I guess with how open I am about sex and what I see at Temptations a few times a week, it makes me kind of immune to different types of relationships.

If they consensually share Emma, and she’s happy, that’s really all that matters.

Which probably aids in why the whole reason hooking up with a man for the first time isn’t making me lose my fucking mind.

“Sup? You all still sharing nicely?” The big motherfucker, Cruz, who’s my older brother’s age, straight up growls, standing up a little taller and taking a step in my direction.

Dom puts his hand out on Cruz’s chest, holding him back while I put my hands up to show I don’t mean any harm, laughing under my breath at that rise I was able to pull from him.

“He doesn’t mean anything by it, he’s just making a joke, settle down,” Dom says to talk the bulldog off the ledge.

“It was just a joke, and for the record, I was not inferring that you share her with anyone else. Emma, I meant nothing by it.”

“I know that. Can’t save your teeth, though, if Dom unleashes Cruz on you.”

“Bit protective, yeah?”

“We are. If you ever settle down, you’ll know what we mean,” Aidan adds.

“Nah, not in the cards for me. Where’s the fun in that?”

“Oh, we’re having plenty of fun, my man,” Dom says, giving me a wink.

“You four enjoy. I’m gonna go wait for my brothers back here,” I announce as I head to the back. I get where they’re coming from; that protective side runs deep in my brothers, and they all are fiercely overbearing when it comes to their women.