Page 39

carter

For the second time in five minutes, Finn is wearing an expression that damn near guts me.

I can’t read him, but my heart felt like it was breaking as I watched him walk away from me.

I shouldn’t have said what I said, and it’s killing me.

I lashed out to hurt him the way he’s hurt me, but it wasn’t worth it.

Seeing the pain flash across his beautiful face, how he stumbled back with the force of my words as if I had physically hit him, feels worse than any pain I’ve ever felt.

I’ve fucked everything up because of my fear, and seeing the pain on his face that I caused is enough to break me completely.

He takes another step in my direction and I cross my arms over my chest protectively. As if that has ever saved me from the tsunami that is Griffin Nash.

“Oh, wicked lover, you can lie through your teeth all you want, but I know the truth, whether you ever admit it or not.” His voice is a deep, sexy baritone that caresses over my entire body. Just like it always does.

“Yeah? What’s that?” I whisper as one of his hands makes contact with my hip, the other grabbing my throat, gently nudging me closer into his space.

I go willingly because when have I ever denied him?

He’s a master at diffusing the heated situations that I rain down on us.

I should be freaking out, but there’s no panic, no fear, no anxiety—just a plethora of emotions that I’m trying to swallow down and ignore.

His voice is as strong and resolute as he is when he speaks.

“That you want this. Want me. Want us . This is the real deal and you know it. Neither one of us expected it, the only difference is I’m the only one chasing it.

You’re scared because everyone you’ve been with before me hasn’t made you feel half of what I have. ”

“You’re wrong.” I whisper the words against his lips as he descends on me, our faces so close, his breath warm on my lips. That ember deep inside me is being stoked and he’s the only one with the power to make it rage.

“Am I?” He pulls back and arches a brow behind his glasses, his gorgeous blue eyes a mix of that cocky arrogance I can’t get enough of and apprehension that fills me with guilt.

Sex has always been a way to empty my mind, a stress reliever because it felt good, but he’s wrong.

I didn’t feel anything at all with everyone before him.

Sex with Finn? I feel everything. And that scares the shit out of me.

But what’s worse? Having him and chance losing him or walking away and ending it before it’s even had the opportunity to be something more?

The last few weeks have been a reminder of what life was like without him, and it’s miserable.

He brings light into my life when I didn’t realize it was so dim to begin with.

It dawns on me why it was so easy for Sawyer to accept Ivy back into his life after she crushed him by leaving. Because it was never an option to begin with. He was always hers, just as I’m Finn’s. He claimed my heart as his, and whether I fight it or not, he’s keeping it.

But the fear is still strong and holds part of me hostage.

Fear of losing him and not recovering, fear of giving up the power to another person, fear of coming out in a relationship with a man—especially after the reputation I’ve made for myself with the female population—fear of how to protect Finn from his father, fear of him resenting me if he loses everything to be with me.

I open my mouth to argue, to cut him deep again, because giving in is so hard. But it’s his eyes that are flooded with uncertainty and pain that do me in. My heart feels like it’s in a vise grip. It physically aches to see that I’m the reason he’s hurting. So, I tell him my truth.

“They never made me feel anything .”

His eyes flash with surprise, but I don’t give him the chance to respond.

My lips crash against his, taking his mouth in a heated kiss that ignites my entire body.

It’s as if a dam has broken, and all the emotions I’ve kept locked up tight since the night I met Finn finally flood forward in a rush.

I swipe my tongue against his seam, wordlessly asking him to open for me as our hands grip each other, lining our bodies up flush in an effort to get as close as possible.

“You’re everything I didn’t know I needed,” I confess after pulling his plush bottom lip between my teeth and releasing. “What are you doing to me, Finn?” His hands slide up to the sides of my face, forcing me to look at him straight on.

“Making you feel, baby.”

Our mouths connect, teeth clashing, tongues tangling as we race to rid each other of our clothes. My fingers connect with his bare skin, grateful he was already shirtless, tracing over each defined ab, the hard plane of his chest, loving the feel of him under my palms.

Finn’s fingers finally remove my belt and unbutton my pants, my zipper forced apart as he shoves my pants down my legs, and I shuck them off.

“I’m sorry,” I say between kisses. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“God, Carter, me too. I’m so sorry.”

I swallow his words, kissing him and throwing every ounce of feeling I possess into it. It’s more than a kiss, it’s a promise, a claiming. I worship his mouth the way he deserves, giving him all of me and taking all of him in return.

Once I’m completely naked, I drop to my knees, quickly dragging his sweatpants over his hips, boxer briefs in tow. His hard dick snaps free of its confines and bobs against his abdomen, all thick and veiny.

Finn steps out of the pants and I toss them haphazardly off to the side.

Running the flat of my palms up his thighs, the thick, tight muscles, the coarse hair that feels so good on my skin.

I look up at him from where I’m perched on my knees at his feet.

Grabbing his hard dick with my fist, I slowly stroke it, once, twice, loving the way his eyelashes flutter over his beautiful blue eyes, the moans that escape from his full, bruised lips.

I’ll never tire of the reactions I can pull from this man.

His hips gyrate and chase my mouth as I flick my tongue over the tip repeatedly.

“Suck it, lover. You know how I like it.”

I moan as I lean up, bringing my lips to his uncut tip, pulling the skin back and licking the pearly bead of precum leaking from his slit before wrapping my mouth around his engorged head and sucking hard. His head drops back against the wall as a long, deep moan reverberates up his chest.

“Mmm. Just like that. Your mouth feels so good.”

Wanting to be as close to him as possible, I suck him all the way down my throat, my hands caressing over his pelvis, hips, and onward until I’m gripping his strong ass, pulling him deeper into my mouth, tears springing to my eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Carter. Fuck, yeah, such a good boy for me.”

I let his words urge me on, but I don’t need them, I just need him . I need him closer. I need all of him. I’m frantic, needing more . I suck him like I’d die without him, but it’s just not enough. I feel desperate, out of control.

It hits me suddenly and with zero apprehension.

Something settles deep within my psyche, into the marrow of my bones, and finds its home.

Popping off his dick, I stand abruptly, my hands gripping the back of his neck and pulling his mouth to mine in a deep kiss.

He doesn’t miss a beat, not wasting any time to open for me, meeting me halfway, equals in everything.

“I need you,” I tell him.

“Lover, you’ve got me. I’m yours. I’ve been yours since the moment I saw you.”

“Make me yours .”

He pulls back, his hand moving to the side of my face, angling my head so that he can meet my eyes and read my face.

“You are mine, Carter,” he practically growls.

“Then fuck me, Finn. Make me yours in every way.”

A rough exhale leaves his lips, his warm, minty breath brushing against my face. He runs his thick fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face as his eyes study me.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Fuck me, baby.”

A playful smile plays at the lips I love so much.

Finn grabs my hand and pulls me to his bedroom, where I kick the door closed behind us.

He wastes no time getting his hands on me.

His mouth trails open-mouthed kisses everywhere he can.

My hands thread through his hair, pulling him closer to me as he works his way down my neck and over my chest. He stops to swipe his wet tongue over my nipple, teasing and nipping.

“Ugh, fuck.”

Finn just moans against my skin, moving to the other side and lapping at my sensitive flesh. He slowly works his way down, sucking and biting at my skin, leaving a heated trail everywhere he’s touched. It feels so damn good.

Dropping to his knees, his fist grabs my hard length, pumping a few lazy strokes that feel so good my knees nearly buckle before his mouth opens.

There’s no teasing—the finesse that he typically has when he blows me is nonexistent.

He sucks me like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do it, as though he wants to bury a piece of himself deep within me. Too bad he already has.

“Fuck, I love my cock in your mouth, but I want you to fuck me, baby. I need you to fuck me.”

His eyes look up at me full of warmth and happiness as he hears the pet name that he loves so much.

I hope it feels as good as it sounds. His hand slips between us, cupping my balls and rolling them gently before sliding over my taint and rubbing that sensitive spot behind my sack.

Goosebumps break out across my skin, his chuckle reverberating through my dick.

“Mmm,” he moans as he pops off. “Need lube. I’m gonna love prepping you.” Finn spins me around with his hands on my hips, forcing me to bend over the bed. “Don’t move, I want you spread open for me.”