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finn

Carter loves me. It sure as hell felt like he did, but thinking it and hearing the confirmation from his own lips are two completely different things.

Loving him is the easiest thing I’ve ever done; it’s everything else that is complicated and messy.

I just hope that I can be enough for him to stand by me while I figure this out.

I don’t know how I’ll survive it if he walks away from me.

I’ve accepted that I’ll never be man enough for my dad, that I’ll always be an inconvenience to my mom, but to not be enough for Carter?

That’ll destroy me. It already came too close to it.

I work silently in the kitchen, making us sandwiches and putting them on a plate with some chips. I juggle the plates, with two water bottles under my arms, and join Carter on the couch, handing him his food.

“It’s not cold.”

“Yeah . . . you hate cold water, remember? Your ‘it’s actually not good for you’ spiel stuck with me.”

Carter gives me a knowing smile and my heart pounds behind my ribs. It’s such a little thing, but I love it so much. I want to make him smile like that every day, and if he wants room temperature water like a freak, then so be it.

We dig into our dinner quietly, both of us refueling and lost in our thoughts of the turn of events.

My heart feels full but my mind is whirling, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Now that I have him and he’s in this with me, I have to do everything I can to keep him, and that means putting myself first for the first time in my life.

I need to untangle myself from my father and hope like hell he doesn’t try to ruin me in the process.

Carter finishes his food first, setting the plate on the coffee table in front of us.

He shifts his body so that he’s facing me, his elbow resting on the back, holding up his head.

His hair has dried from our shower, the longer strands of the top falling into his face.

He hasn’t shaved in a few days, and the scruff has come in thicker.

I like it. Finally ready to talk through this together now that we’ve shared orgasms and our stomachs are full, I start the conversation.

“Okay, so how are we going to get through this shit storm?” I ask as I pop my last chip into my mouth.

“Well, I should probably start by telling my family I’m into dick.”

I inhale hard, a piece of chip lodging in my throat as I sputter, coughing roughly into my fist, my eyes wide as I struggle to get in oxygen.

“Damn, you okay, baby?”

“Yep,” I say through bouts of coughing while I try not to let a chip kill me. It’d be his fault if it did.

“Okay, so I probably wouldn’t say it like that, but if that’s how you want to come out, then that’s on you.”

“I don’t know, I’ve given it some thought and think that may be the best way,” he says, laughing, looking like he’s picturing his siblings’ reactions .

“How, uh,” I start nervously, “how do you think they’ll take it?”

“I’m not gonna lie and say that their opinion of me doesn’t matter. My family and I are close. But I can’t imagine them being pissed or disgusted. They’re pretty open. I’ve just made quite a name for myself with the ladies, and they’re gonna be shocked stupid. I definitely got around.”

“Those days over?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah? A taken man?”

“You’re damn right I am.”

As if he knew I needed to hear those words, tears fill my eyes again.

“Hey, it’s okay. I meant what I said. I love you, Finn.

I’m not going anywhere. I fought it as long as I could, but I can’t anymore.

” His strong hands touch either side of my face, his thumbs swiping away the few rogue tears that escaped.

His lips press firmly against mine in a chaste kiss that steals the breath from my lungs, then his firm lips are kissing under each eye, finally resting on my forehead.

I’ve never felt so perfectly connected with another person before.

Like my soul has finally found its missing half.

“I don’t want to hide you, but I think we need to get a plan together before we blow the lid off of everything.”

His words don’t hurt because I understand them. I know it’s not about coming out or keeping me a dirty little secret; it’s giving us both time to do this the right way.

“I’m not going to argue that. My dad lost his shit when he found out you were in Emberleigh. He’s really got some grudge decades in the making, and I don’t know what the deal is yet, but I want to find out. He’s a hateful asshole, but I want to understand why it’s directed at your family.”

“I don’t get it either. ”

“Got any family demons hiding in the closet, Hayes?”

“Hell if I know. I don’t think so. My dad is from Aspen Ridge. He returned here after college with my mom and got pregnant with Sawyer and Dallas. Everyone loves them.”

“We’ll figure it out. He made one comment, though, that I keep coming back to. He said he ‘took everything from me.’ I asked who, and he just continued to flip out and threaten me.”

“Well, shit. Who? My dad?”

“Hell if I know. But I’m going to figure it out while easing out of working under his thumb. I don’t want to ruin my writing career, but I refuse to work for him any longer.”

“You think he’d really make it so no one else would hire you? Your own father?”

“Without a shred of doubt. He would,” I reply honestly. My dad doesn’t make idle threats. A deep growl rumbles from Carter’s chest, his hands tightening into fists.

“We’ll figure this out. You aren’t going to lose your career because of him. You aren’t his fucking pawn. I’m right beside you now.” My heart swells at his words.

“Thank you.”

“So right now, let’s keep this quiet. We can sneak around, right? Until we figure everything out?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you’re up for it, there’s always Temptations,” I suggest.

“You want to play out in the open, baby?”

“I’m not against it. Especially if that’s the only way I can have you.”

He gives me a heated look before looking away quickly, his face morphing into concern.

“I do need to come clean as well, and I owe you an apology.”

My spine tightens, but he continues to hold my face, stroking his thumbs delicately back and forth across my cheekbones.

“Okay?”

“I’m sorry for leaving you in Maine and not hearing you out. It was shitty after everything we shared that weekend. I panicked, and I let that fear control me against all reason. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“I understand it, as much as it hurt.”

“I trust you.”

His words blow me away, and my head bops backward, his hands dropping to my thighs. They mean just as much to me as hearing that he loves me, and my eyes well with tears.

“Baby, don’t cry. We’re going to get through this together. But I’m sorry for not staying, and I’m so sorry for the things I said when I got here. You didn’t deserve to hear those words from me. Thank you for sticking with me, for not giving up on us.”

I wipe the tears from my eyes and nod, swallowing down my emotions.

“You weren’t the only one who went to Maine with less than innocent intentions,” he continues, and dread festers in my stomach briefly.

“What did you do, Hayes?”

“I convinced myself that everything I was doing—regardless of what I was feeling—was all to get close to you to butter you up to get the story I wanted.”

I can’t help it; I laugh. “You’re a dick.

I’m not even offended because there’s no way you could whore yourself out to me and keep your emotions off.

I felt every single goddamn one. In every look.

In every touch. Every kiss. Every time we made each other come.

It’s real. Raw. We’re the real deal, Carter Hayes, and the real you can’t ever hide from me. ”

“Fuck, I love you,” he says right before he pounces, pushing me back into the couch. We make out like teenagers, slow and methodical, until I pull him down the hall and into my bed.

“The first thing I want to do once we’re out is move closer, sleeping away from you after knowing sleep next to you isn’t something I’m willing to do for long,” I tell him. Carter snuggles into me, throwing his leg over my hip and nuzzling his face into my neck.

“I second that.”