Page 10

finn

“Hey fuckface, we’re going out. Get off your ass and get dressed, no more brooding,” Trey shouts as he walks into my house unannounced.

“Why’d I give you a key again?”

“’Cause you love me.”

“I’m rescinding your permanent invitation. Give it back,” I groan from my place on the couch where I’m currently writing on my laptop.

“Dude, what is wrong with you? If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were lovesick.”

“I’m not lovesick, you idiot. Just trying to sleep my problems away, but my ex-best friend won’t piss off and let me wallow.”

“Well, if I’m your ex-best friend, then I guess you wouldn’t mind if I take the Lexus out for a spin?”

That gets me standing up, the room spinning as I get used to the quick change in balance. Fuck, how long have I been sitting here working?

“Fuck you. Don’t even think about it, Trey. No one touches her.”

“Well, then I need daddy to drive me around.”

“Daddy, huh? Are we sure you aren’t gay?”

“Wouldn’t that make your life so much easier? We could run off into the sunset together, and life would be grand.”

“You couldn’t handle me,” I joke.

“Probably not, you freak. You think Carter Hayes can?”

I drop back down to the couch and groan like a baby. “Ugh. Did you have to bring him up?”

“Get dressed, or I’ll do it for you, and trust me when I say neither one of us wants that. So get to it. We’re getting you out of your writing cave. You’ve been locked away all weekend, and I know you’re stressed. This will be good for you, and I don’t have to roll up like a loner. Let’s go.”

Begrudgingly, and feeling kind of bad, I walk through the downstairs to the smaller bedroom I’m staying in, pulling off my sweatpants, taking a fast shower, and pulling myself together the best I can. I opt for a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved, button-up T-shirt.

Ten minutes later, I’m grabbing the keys to my SUV, and we’re heading outside.

“You gonna tell me where we’re goin’?”

“Want to take me to that sex club?”

“Are you insane? No. Plus, I’m still within the probationary period, and I can’t vet guests yet.”

I can feel his eyes on me as I drive, and I know he won’t let this go. I can’t say that I don’t get it. Who doesn’t want to check out a high-end sex club if they have the opportunity? If I hadn’t been so lust-struck by Carter, I would be making that place my own personal playground.

“I expect that no to change to a yes once you can. We’re meeting some friends at a new place that just opened, and thought you’d want to check it out.”

Called it. Trey navigates, and after a ten-minute drive, I pull into the parking lot of a new speakeasy, The Whispering Well , written on an old-school sign on the side of a brick building. A hostess lights up when we walk in, the real reason for us being here making more sense.

“Hey, Ana, how is your night?”

“Hi, Trey. It’s better now. Seat for two?”

“Actually, we’re meeting some friends. I think they’re already here. A group of them?”

“Yes, rowdy bunch? I’ll take you to them.”

I watch as they flirt for a moment, Trey on his game, before she weaves us through the open dining area.

Plush, velvet, high-back booths are scattered around the walls of a floor that’s raised higher.

My eyes track a small set of stairs that lead to tables on the lower floor.

A stage is in front of us with a band gearing up to play.

I can’t help but pick up every detail, and I’m impressed with the thought that went into the place.

They should do well, and I hope the area can keep them in business.

Two men look our way and lift up their drinks as we approach, but it’s the one who doesn’t that makes me nearly trip over my own feet. I drop an elbow to hit Trey in the ribs, making him wince.

“Are you fucking serious? This isn’t happening.” I go to turn around, but he grabs my arm in protest.

“Dude, I didn’t know he’d be here, but it’s gonna look real fucking shitty if you walk out now that they’ve seen you.”

Fuck. When I decided to make the move west of Seattle to work at this office permanently, I knew there would be a chance of running into him since he returned to this area after med school. I’ve been lucky the last few months until now. This is just what I need .

I stare at the photo on my screen as I bounce my leg in the back of the Uber, ready to get home.

My trip to Coos Bay, Oregon, lasted two weeks, and it’s the longest time I’ve had to be away before.

I love traveling, but I like being home more when I have someone waiting for me.

Nick smiles back at me on the screen, and I can’t wait to get back to him.

He’s never too upset when I leave, but I can’t stand the distance it puts between us.

Pulling up in front of the apartment that my dad rents for me—a place too large, and too fancy for my taste, but, Nick loves it and I “need to keep up appearances”—I quickly pay my driver on the app, grab my bags and jump out of the car.

I’m eager to get to Nick. Even though he’s never stayed the night with me, even though I persist, he stays at my penthouse when I’m away because he lives in a shared apartment with two roommates while he finishes med school.

He says he needs full commitment before he can stay the night with someone, which I’ve always respected, no matter how often I’ve found myself not wanting to be alone anymore.

We’ve been together for almost a year, and I’m finally ready to tell him how I feel.

That’s why I had to come home early. I couldn’t wait another day without telling him that I love him and that I want to move forward in our relationship.

The elevator stops at damn near every floor to let people off. My heart is in my throat with anticipation while I wait until it finally reaches the top. I’m out the door with my duffel thrown over my shoulder before the doors can completely open.

I rush down the hallway and set my bag down outside the door, wanting to surprise him and wanting my hands to be free.

I quietly unlock the door, and dread immediately washes over me.

My spine straightens as bile rises in my throat.

Moans fill the space of my apartment, one of which I faintly recognize, but he’s never sounded so .

. . vocal with me. Our sex life has always been very monotonous, but I just assumed it was because of our inexperience and how tired he always says he is.

I walk through the house, steeling myself for what I already know I’m going to find.

Each breath I take feels like shards of glass going down my windpipe, a grasp so tight on my chest that taking each step takes an obscene amount of effort.

I follow the noises to my bedroom, the door left wide open.

My boyfriend is hammering into a guy I’ve met before, someone who he said was just a friend. Clearly not.

My mind blanks as everything kind of goes black.

“This is how you spend your time while I’m gone?”

“Shit! Finn! What are you doing back?”

“That’s your response? That’s the first thing you want to say?”

They scramble apart, everything moving in slow motion. I’ve seen these scenes in movies, where everyone moves quickly and frantically, apologies are thrown, people scream and yell. That’s not how this plays out.

“What do you want me to say, Finn?”

“You’re in my apartment, Nick, fucking someone who’s not me, I’d say you should say a whole helluva lot more than what you have so far. Just get out. I want you to leave.”

“Finn, we don’t have to be over. I just need more than what you’re giving me.”

My dad’s voice rings out in my head, reminding me that I’m a fuckup, that I’ll always be a fuckup, that I’ll never be good enough for anyone. Maybe he’s right.

“If what I’m giving you isn’t enough, Nick, then we should have been over a long time ago. You didn’t need to fuck around behind my back. Didn’t need to do it in my bed either. Just fucking get out! We’re done.”

Nick and his friend quickly get dressed, grabbing their things and heading to the door. He has the audacity to turn and face me one last time, but I can’t bear to look at his eyes.

“Finn . . . you could ? —”

“GET OUT!”

“Dude, you’ve got this. Fuck them. I didn’t know they’d be here. Just pull it together. We’ll have a beer and then we’ll bounce.”

Trey’s voice brings me back to the present, and I nod at him, but I’m still annoyed. Who wants to share a beer with a shitbag person that hurt you?

It’s been five years, and I’m definitely over him, just don’t like the reminder shoved right in my face.

The worse part of our relationship wasn’t the cheating, anyway, it was the gaslighting, manipulation, and guilt he constantly placed on me that fucked with me more.

I just didn’t realize how toxic the behavior was until I needed to get him out of my life.

After I kicked him out, news traveled through our small group, and Trey found out that Nick had been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. Explains the lack of sleepovers.

Trey fist-bumps everyone at the table: his friend Leo, Oliver, Nathan, and . . . Nick. I give them all a nod as I take my seat next to Leo. Trey and I have known him since high school, when we all played soccer together, and he’s all around a good guy.

We order a round of beers, everyone chatting, the hostess coming back to check on things and flirt with Trey. I keep quiet, completely out of my comfort zone and feeling like I want to crawl out of my fucking skin.

“So, how ya been, Finn?”

“Don’t call me that. Griffin is fine. And I’m great,” I answer curtly as my phone goes off.

“That’s how it’s gonna be? Not allowed to call you the name you go by?” Nick has the audacity to question, and I just shrug my shoulders in reply. He’s not worth it, and I don’t want to hear my name from his toxic, lying mouth.

My phone dings with an incoming text.