Page 69 of Vying Girls

I join her at the table when I see her cut a second line. ‘Nic. Please stop.’

She ignores me, snapping her head back with her eyes closed. ‘All got our vices, Tilda. You cut yourself on the outside, I cut myself on the inside.’

‘Cutting myself’s not going to result in a heart attack.’

‘How do you know? You know, your body gets a massive adrenaline dump when you do that. It’s why the last cut barely hurts.’ She gestures at my legs with the straw. ‘Shit’s not good for your heart either.’

I shake my head, not bothering to argue. She’s always been a clever little shit.

I look out into the club. It’s a different vibe tonight with the band playing. There’s less frenetic dancing. It’s more uniformed, everyone facing forward and jumping in place. Nobody facing our way, even if they can’t see what we’re doing.

I can’t help scanning over everyone, seeking a face I’ve never even see.

‘Is this to be my lot then? Tethered to one of you three for eternity.’

‘You know, you’ve really got maudlin in your old age.’

I know that’sdefinitelythe drugs talking, that teasing.

‘You should loosen up,’ she says into my ear. I hadn’t heard her creep up. I bunch my neck as it tingles.

‘Kinda hard to when I know someone’s after me.’

‘Don’t forget, it’s me he really wants. Always fucking me.’

She wanders to the cubbies at the back, sticking her hand into one and pulling out an obscenely large dildo.

‘That is literally rank,’ I say, stepping back.

She wafts it my way, a smile trying to emerge on her lips. ‘Clean. Dirty ones in there.’ She points to a bin in the corner.

I shake my head. ‘So unhygienic.’

‘I agree. That’s why I always bring my own. BYOD.’

She laughs at herself as I fight the vision of her fucking in this very room. Has she done that? And with whom? Skylar? I’ve not known her to be involved with anyone else. If you can even call what she has with Skylar involved. It’s definitely not a romantic arrangement, and it might be over by the looks of things.

Good. Skylar’s clearly a bad influence.

‘Can we go back out now?’

‘Not ready yet.’

She stands at the stone wall, pressing her fingers into the depressions. Whatever this drug is, it’s clearly an upper. She’s never this fidgety. I don’t like it. It’s like something else has taken possession of her, her soul drifting somewhere in the ether. It doesn’t make me feel safe.

‘Nic, can we just go home?’

‘Home? You and me?’ She turns to face me, eyes so fucking black. ‘You destroyed that, remember.’

‘How?’

‘With your fuckinglies,Tilda.’

‘What lies?’

I’m not surprised when she doesn’t answer, instead coming to peer at the crowd with me. She watches a girl dancing near to us, dressed in an embroidered bralette and a long skirt. It’s not like she’s perving but there’s definitely something more in that look than simply a girl admiring another girl.

‘So, are you a lesbian?’