Page 145 of Vying Girls

Hypocrite.That’s what she’d call me. What’s a split lip compared to all I’ve done? But I’m not rational right now. I’m fucking furious.

‘Answer me,Jesus.’

There are tears in Tilda’s voice as she replies, ‘Kind of, but—’

I hear the front door open. I flee the room, knowing all I need to.

‘Nic, wait—’

I bump into Elly coming out the kitchen, pushing past her to get to Haz.

‘You fucking hit her?’

That she doesn’t deny it straight away is answer enough. She opens her mouth but I’ve got her up against the wall, not giving a shit what she has to say.

Tilda’s not—she’s not—dammit,I know she’s not mine butfuck. And fuck Haz too. Not when she was like how she was earlier. They weren’t there. They didn’t see that wildness in her eyes, the one that made her want torun, run, run.The one I put there. She’s like me, Tilda. Using pain to punish herself. How can Haz not see that? How had she done that?

‘Hitting girls now, is that it?’

Haz looks back at me with fire in her eyes, refusing to reply.

‘Dude, get off her.’ Elly pulls at me, trying to get between us. ‘Tilda did that. I was there. I saw it. Haz didn’t do a thing.’

I scoff, a smile pulling at my lips. ‘Right. She split her own lip. Sure.’

‘Seriously,’ she insists.

Haz has yet to say anything, just staring me down with resentful eyes.

‘Is that true?’

‘Looks like you’ve made up your mind,’ she spits, pushing me off her. ‘Fuck you, Nic.Fuckinghypocrite.’

Her too. I almost laugh.

‘Don’t be caring about Tilda’s wellbeing now. You’ve been out to get her since day fucking one. You’re the reason she’s in this state! Why she ran away. If she got hurt today, Nic, that’s on you and only you.’

Like I don’t know that. I glance up, hearing movement in Haz’s room. When I move to push past Elly, she pushes me right back. I don’t recognise the steel in her blue eyes.

Looking between the two of them, I let out a snort. ‘Right, I get it. Fucking pussy whipped, the both of you.’

‘Just back off, Nic.Fuck.I’m not doing this shit for the rest of the year.’ Haz glares at me. It’s not a look I’ve not seen before but something about it chills me. Something between us is changing. ‘You’re the reason she cuts, you know. Every time she hurts herself, it’s because ofyou.’

She jabs a finger at me, almost making me step back. I stare at her, my body humming, a roar rushing to my head.

Those cuts, the ones on her legs now, had she been thinking about me whilst she’d done them? It makes me want to scream, to do the same to myself until there’s nothing left to cut. Just dust, the same as Dad, together where we belong. Just two brain-sick fucks out to hurt the same person.

This time I do push past Elly, taking the stairs two at a time. Haz’s room is empty, the door open. I force my way into Tilda’s, barely acknowledging her wide-eyed look of surprise as I set about ransacking her room.

‘What the hell are you doing?Nic?’

I ignore her. She’s dressed now, her room smelling of baby wipes, cleansed of what she and Haz had done.

‘Nic!’

I unearth a clear, plastic washbag in a drawer and unzip it, the sound of makeup brushes and hairclips clattering as I rummage around. I find a pair of nail scissors, heart pounding with satisfaction as I straddle her on the bed, scissors held aloft.

She cowers back, trapped between the clamp of my knees. ‘What are you doing?’