Page 42 of Vying Girls

I sit back down, blood thrumming so hard I vibrate. ‘Go on.’

He shows his palms. ‘That was it, really. He went to uni, so it was all happening less. Gave her some breathing room to get her shit together, make a plan, because when she was sixteen, she just took off. To college, I guess. Her dad’s money wouldn’t have come in for another two years, so dunno how she lived, but I didn’t see her again until now.’

‘…God.’

‘Yeah. Bet you regret asking now.’

I shake my head, struggling to process. ‘Thanks Tommy. I didn’t know it was going to be that bad. Sorry for making you talk about it.’

‘No, it’s fine. I probably don’t talk about it enough.’ He stares off, gaze faraway.

My heart goes out to him. Probably wasn’t easy for him either. Being bullied by his older brother, living with the guilt of everything he turned a blind eye to. He probably blames himself like I do.

I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling shit for us both. ‘You’re alright, you are.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ I straighten up when the instructor calls for us all to regroup. We stay where we are, like we’re not part of that scene anymore. ‘So, you don’t talk to any of them? Your family?’

‘Only Joey now. Josephina. She was only nine when Nic left. Just a baby through it all. Literally the only thing that held us together back then. Even Damien loved her. Like, actually loved. Not just his fucked-up version with Nic. I still see her, just not at the house.’

‘That’s super brave of you, Tommy.’

‘Yeah. For all it’s worth now.’

‘You were a kid. None of it’s your fault. Is that why Nic’s weird with you?’

‘Probably. Didn’t know she was even here, but I guess she knew I was. I know it’s her who’s been fucking with me. Makes so much sense. Her and your two girlfriends.’

‘Are they still messing with you? I can make them stop.’

‘No, actually. Seems to have chilled out a bit.’

‘Good. Tell me if it starts up again and I’ll have a word. With Haz and Elly, anyway. Not much I can do about Nic.’

‘So, that’s my deal with her anyway. What’s yours?’

‘Wish I knew, Tommy. Maybe…ugh, I don’t know.’ I lift my mask now the round’s over, rubbing my eyes wearily.

I feel leaden. My God, I hadn’t been expecting all that. Nic…I wish I knew where she was. She’s holding all of this and it’s not healthy. It doesn’t need to be bad, not all of it. What we had was sacred and there’s no reason it can’t be reconsecrated.

Maybe that’s just my pity talking. She’d hate that. No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to me. She wouldn’t want to be weakened by what I know about her.

Not thatanyof that makes her weak. She’s a fucking warrior. I just know how her mind works. Well, enough to know she wouldn’t want me knowing.

We get to our feet when the instructor gestures for us impatiently.

‘Hey, you wanna bail? Go grab a drink or something instead.’

‘Bit early for that, but I’m down.’

‘I meant a hot drink, idiot.’

Tommy smiles. ‘I dunno. I mean, yeah to bailing, but if Nic saw me with you…’

I scoff at the impossibility of that. ‘Believe me, if I’m around, she won’t be. Let’s dump this shit and get out of here.’

Because if I’m left alone right now, I know all I’m going to do is sob.