Page 190 of Vying Girls

Nodding, she wipes her cheeks, eyes closed to gather herself.

I clear my throat. ‘Hey, um, look, you can totally say no, but I’ve been thinking—how would you feel about getting some therapy together?’

‘Like…couple’s therapy?’

‘Sort of. I just think—it’s something we both went through, and it might help to get a different perspective on things. A professional one. Someone to help us sift through all the...’ I wave a hand around. ‘Everything. Finally.’

Tilda considers it then a tiny smile springs on her lips. She nods. ‘Yeah. That’ll probably help.’

I give a tight nod, closing my eyes. ‘Alright. I’ll set something up.’

I bathe in the satisfaction of that. It seems like a step, a right one. God knows we both need it. Might get Haz back on that shit too. Why not heal the whole damn house.

‘Hey,’ Tilda says quietly, ‘I’ve got a therapy thing we can do.’

I crack open an eye, rolling it towards her.

With a tentative smile, she leans up on her side. ‘Close your eyes again.’

A warm hand lands on my cheek. For a while, she does nothing. I’m acutely aware of the sensation of being studied,skin prickling with awareness. I wonder what she’s thinking. Her fingers stroke my cheek, tucking a spike of hair behind my ear. So gentle. A loving touch.

‘I want you to remember something,’ she says softly.

I wait, forcing my body to relax. Overhead, a seagull cries, the wind rustling the trees lining the cliff at our backs. I always thought it odd, how similar waves and wind sound. I let them carry me away into some in between place. Without her even saying anything, I’m so easily able to slip back to the past. Disconcerting, really, with how hard I’ve tried to forget.

‘Do you remember that time we went ice skating?’

I nod against her hand. It had only been the once.

‘It was after school,’ she goes on, still stroking my face. ‘Christmas time. Last day of term, I think.’ She lets out a wistful sigh. ‘I still remember that day so clearly. Don’t know why. I just remember Mum put tinsel in our hair and we had a whole day of fun ahead of us. The school Christmas party, games, films. I remember walking across the playground that morning with you feeling so, so cosy, like everything was perfect and happy.’

I nod again, letting her know I’m hearing her. Truthfully, I don’t remember the school day at all, but it’s sweet she has such happy memories of it.

‘We hung out all day. We were on the same teams for the games, huddled in that little corner of the room whilst we watched Christmas films. Then your dad picked us up. We went straight to the ice rink, school uniform and all. Dunno where Mum was. I don’t remember caring.’

‘I think you’re going to have better memories. I sucked at the skating.’

‘I was going to miss that bit out,’ Tilda says warmly. ‘But yeah, you did.’

‘Whereas you were like an underwater penguin. A showy-off one. You must have lapped me about twenty times.’

‘Until I took mercy and grabbed your hand.’

‘Yeah. Definitely staved off a temper tantrum with that.’

Tilda chuckles. I feel a tickling on my forehead as she kisses it. ‘You weren’t too bad by the end. With my patient tutoring.’

I snort at the lie of that.

‘Do you remember afterwards when we got home?’

I hesitate.

‘My headache?’ she prompts.

‘Oh, yeah. I remember.’

‘Well, migraine, I suppose. I used to get them a lot back then, didn’t I? Wonder if it was the car again. Anyway, I remember you taking me up to your room, tucking me into your bed. God, you couldn’t do enough for me that night. Getting me drinks, Calpol, massaging my head, humming to me until I fell asleep. So bloody cute.’