Page 156 of Vying Girls

We stare at each other for a long moment. With everything so precarious between us, I feel like I can’t say no.

‘Okay. I promise. I hate it, but I promise.’ She takes her hand back, eyes still on my face as though testing my sincerity. ‘Is Varsity really that much of a big deal?’

‘After last year, yeah. It is. It’s what I’ve been aiming for this whole time. It’s a…symbolic thing. It means I’m better, not the same person.’ Then she snorts. ‘Except I am, because this has fucking happened again.’

‘Will you tell me what happened last time?’

‘Nothing that wasn’t coming for me. Being at Hazelhurst was triggering as hell. Knowing Damien had been there, then being initiated into the society he’d presided. The drugs were non-stop for years, they were nothing new, but I went too hard last year and my heart gave out. Not like this. Way worse. I’d already been kicked off hockey for not attending enough and just generally being sloppy. It was a pretty dark year.’

‘Thank god you didn’t know about me too, hey?’

Nic chuckles, real humour showing in her face. ‘Nowthatwould have sent me over the fucking edge.’ She sobers quickly. ‘Haz sorted me out. And Elly, but Haz was the one who threatened rehab. She threatened all sorts, and I knew she would have gone through with it. Ended up quitting cold turkey.’

‘Until me.’

‘Yeah.’ She looks at me pensively. ‘Until you. Not your fault, of course.’

‘Oh. It actually wasn’t this time? Wow.’

‘Not your fault,’ she repeats, quieter. Taking my hand again, she closes her eyes. ‘Never was.’

CHAPTER 26

Tilda

My eyes are drawn to the kitchen when I hear Nic curse again.She’s crouched before the oven, leaning away from its billowing heat. She’s been in there longer than I’ve been watching telly. The whole lounge reeks of sweet, spicy peppers. God knows what she’s cooking. The oven’s been on for hours. Maybe making something for Haz. She likes foods with a bit of a kick.

There’s a metallic clang when she slams a baking tray onto the countertop. I crane my head but when I can’t see what’s on it, I return my attention to the TV.

I’ve got deadlines looming. I should really, really be cracking on with them. I breathe out a sigh, trying to dispel the same anxiety I felt at the end of last year too.

When I hear Nic swear again, she’s grinding something up in what looks like a giant mortar and pestle, turning her head every so often like her eyes are struggling.

‘Nic,’ I call out, lifting my head. ‘Do you need help in there?’

‘No,’ she snaps, grinding harder. ‘Don’t come in the kitchen.’

I rest my head back on my arm, sparing a smile for Haz who comes trotting down the stairs.

‘Yo, is that my molcajete?’ she says when she spots Nic, brows drawing to a frown. ‘Treat her gently, will you.’

‘She is literally designed to crush,’ Nic points out.

‘Bit like me.’ Haz glances over at me with a smirk. ‘Isn’t that right, princess?’

‘You do have a tendency to squash me,’ I tease. ‘You’re pretty hefty.’

She lifts an arm and kisses one of her biceps. I turn back to the telly with a smile, but my attention is still firmly on the two in the kitchen.

Things have been weird in the lodge lately. I’m assuming they’ve had some kind of conversation, one about me and all the shit I told Haz and Elly about our past. My biggest fear, besides us breaking up, is coming between the three of them. I think Haz knew how awful I was feeling about it all and is making an effort to be civil despite her anger.

At the front door, I hear a knock.

‘Jesus Christ!’ Nic shouts, abandoning her grinding to yank it open. I don’t see who it is but the Amazon parcel that flies onto the kitchen table a second later clues me in.

‘Nic.’ Haz wipes her eyes with a forearm. There’s an even deeper frown on her face now. ‘My eyes are fucking killing. What the fuck are you doing?’

‘Get out then.’ Nic shakes some sort of red, probably spicy, powder into the bowl. ‘We don’t both need to be suffering.’